Don't know where else to vent about this stuff but I just, need some camaraderie or maybe some perspective from folks who understand.
Was recently advised that my mom shouldn't travel for the time being. This means, she won't be able to attend her late spouse's funeral. It's too far for her and there would be so much stress on her because she has started to spit up blood and it's probably her cancer that's spread to her lungs.
Is this the end? The start of the end? I've been under so much stress and my mom, she actually reached out her hand to me to comfort me, while I cried unable to know what to do for her and she started crying too. How crazy is that?
I always knew cancer was just...unfair. Relentless, and just plain awful, but this - this is just all too much. It's like every time, I think it will be okay...but then she loses more of her memory. She loses weight. She can't get out of bed. She struggles to eat.
I hate it all. I hate feeling like this. I both hate and love that even though Cancer is ravaging my mom, that she still tries to comfort me....When all I want to do is to take away HER pain. HER grief. I wish I could take her pain, wrap it up into a ball and hide that ball in a box that I could launch into space where it would be eaten by the sun.
Why is this even happening?
Your mother sounds like a wonderful woman and a great mother too. That's a life well lived. I wish you both peace and comfort.
Shared love means you both feel for one another, so she wants to comfort you as much as you want to comfort her. It hurts mom to see you cry as much as it hurts you to see her cry. That's what love looks like, and what the fear of loss invokes in one another.
Perhaps someone can video tape her late husband's funeral so she can watch it when she feels up to it. My condolences on this loss in your lives on top of everything else.
It's not fair and it stinks. My biggest prayer is that a cure for cancer will be found soon before so many more lives will be taken by it.
I don't know what moms oncologist says about her prognosis, but has hospice been consulted yet? Or even palliative care as they can order pain meds for mom and keep her comfortable.
God bless you and give you strength to be strong enough to be there for mom until she's taken to perfect peace.