I have posted on here many times and answered questions every now and then. Dad passed away Oct 7th 2013 from Liver Cancer . He was in a hospice facility for 11 days until he died. The day before he was admitted he was in the hospital and was talking,eating and very clear headed but his ammonia levels were high and he had been very combative, not eating and wouldn't take his meds for 4 days at his nursing home. ( He was in for a Psych Evaluation.) The hospice worker talked to me about admitting him instead of returning to the nursing home. I agreed to this and arrangements were made. He was transferred later that day and was alert and in good spirits. The next morning he was unresponsive and stayed that way until he passed. They gave him morphine and ativan around the clock. He never got any water but they did cleanse his mouth and moisten it with swabs. It seemed like he could hear me the first few days because I would shake his shoulder and say "dad". His eyes seemed to be moving under his eyelids and his mouth would move slightly. I did ask about them lowering his dosages so he could wake up a little. The nurse said he was getting a very small dosage already. I just wonder if the drugs made him unresponsive and if less was used he could have ate and drank and lived longer. I know it was time for him to go but I'm kinda puzzled about his going from complete alertness and straight into unresponsiveness so quick. The nurses did a Great job. I myself don't know how they do it. They treated dad like he was their baby. So gentle and compassionate. I was just wondering if anyone else had the feeling that death felt a little rushed once their loved one was placed in Hospice.
I see you are a new poster and did not include any personal information. While everyone is made very welcome here this thread has caused a lot of hard feelings and anxiety and even anger at the accusation that have been made against Hospice and their nurses.
if you are a legitimate poster welcome but if you posted just to cause trouble please stop.
If you feel your mother was mistreated the people to take it up with are the Hospice directors if you suspect criminality the police, state board of health or a lawyer.
Everyone will be truly sorry for your pain so don't be upset by this post but if you read the entire thread you may better understand many peoples frustration.
If you don't like the medications being used - just tell Hospice to stop them. You're not required to accept any medications for your loved one...but do you want your loved one in pain until the actual death? For me, no way. In regards to morphine, I realize this is a very, very touchy subject. I'm very, VERY thankful for the morphine. Mom was dying - I wanted her to have whatever comfort measures necessary to ease the transition - and not just morphine - I'll take anything in liquid form!
In general, the body will die when it wants to die regardless of what medication is administered because so many things are happening at once - in the active dying process - things that can't be even be seen. Here's an example: You're loved one is bedridden. He is given morphine to ease the breathing difficulty. His breathing is getting worse, so more morphine is given. He dies with in hours. How do you know it was from the morphine and not from a massive blood clot/pulmonary embolism or a DVT that ended his life instantaneously? Would you go as far to order an autopsy to confirm the actual cause of death? For me, no, because my mother was suffering so much physically that I wished, prayed to The Universe/God - please give her something quick to end her suffering. Being bedridden puts a loved one at of developing a blood clot. Even "healthy" people who travel on airlines regularly or drive for hours on a weekly basis are recommended to wear compression stockings to try to prevent development of blood clots. Because of the opioid crisis, Hospices have to follow very strict guidelines on the pharmaceuticals to keep their license. Really, they do. If you suspect medications caused your loved ones death, then don't ruminate over this - contact a medical malpractice attorney immediately - so you can focus on your healing. He shouldn't be charging you anything and if he does - run - because there are plenty of med mal attorneys who will thoughtfully listen to what happened and retrieve the medical records - for free. If there is a case - he will make a handsome profit - trust me on this. My father's Stage 4 cancer was misdiagnosed over a two-year period and he sued both providers, so I know what I'm talking about. If there is no med mal case (or if there is one), then you should most definitely contact the State to look into what happened and this is free, too, because this is also part of your healing process. The State takes medical negligence complaints very seriously.
Again - there are many excellent Hospices - but there are a few that SHOULD NOT be in the Hospice business. Absolutely not. No way. Just trust your gut and do whatever you have to do to ease the suffering of your loved one - because at the end of life - no one wants to be pain and in anxiety - including you.
On her death cleaning out her stuff I found her wedding ring and now have it with me. I love looking at that ring and how small her finger was; it fits my pinky. She wore it for decades after his death.
So...they are together now after being apart for 48 years. He passed at age 44, her at 89.
Plus my mom had two of her sisters she was very close to; they too are all together now having many laughs as they were so funny together.
Yep I do miss my mother. But I know she still looks over me.
Happy Valentine’s Day mom! Love you lots!
Please note similar amounts of morphine is also given to patients who have had serious surgery to help with the pain. I've had two such surgeries, and morphine was given to me. It did help with the pain.
The reason that Hospice had stopped Mom's eating and drinking was because her organs were shutting down. Otherwise food would just sit in the stomach as the stomach, and water would sit in the kidneys. That in itself would be painful.
Your Mom would have passed on the same time table whether she used Hospice or not. The question, would you rather have not had Hospice and see Mom in terrible pain, or that have seen her pass peaceably. For my own parents, I choose the latter.
I hope this gives you some peace.
I also don't know the circumstances surrounding his desire to get up. it is possible they felt he was going to become uncontrollable and hurt himself or others.
All of the being said his family can ask that the increases be reversed and see if he returns to his normal.
You have to make your concerns and fears known to those who are ordering grandfather's care. You have the absolute right to agree or decline any treatment. If the patient is likely to harm himself or others that will alter the decision making. But speak up even though it sounds as though your loved one has been on his final journey for some time and things can change in the blink of an eye.
Keep Grandfarther comfortable and be there for him. Keep talking to him and stroking his arm. he will know you are there in some sense. You can read to him, especially the bible if he has faith. Sing, play music so he does not feel alone.
and mother in law used hospice and it was great, they were so loving and his parents did not suffer. We just gave her pain meds as needed. Never overdrugged at all. They both died with dignity. God bless you all with your decisions on hospice.
I know that this is a long time after your post. I just seen it tonight. I have a hospice story to tell also. My mother was diagnosed with a gleoblastoma, she did not have any symptoms that we knew of before September of 2017. She had taken several falls, her foot was turning out to the right when she walked, and she was having a memory problems, and she was having a hard time judging distance on the right side. When she was diagnosed it was so quick, then came the brain surgery, and rehabilitation, radiation and chemo, doing good for a while, then she started going downhill very, very, fast. We had to get hospice involved about 7 days before she passed away. I think they did try to make her comfortable but the same story as yours I didn't know what mixing the 2 medications adavan and morphine would do, but it rushed her death and to make a long story short they killed my mother faster than when she would have passed away. We are filing a lawsuit. very heartbroken and still grieving, even after 3 months. The took my precious beautiful mother away from us to soon. The nursing home that she was at for "Rehab" is also getting sued for wrongful death.
He describes his own father's end of life. His father knows that his condition is fatal and there is nothing more medicine can do for him. He has seen how this condition ends. He insists on going home from the hospital to die. He tells his son that he does not want to suffer. He gets his son to promise he will keep him out of pain. That means drugs (I think morphine, but I don't remember for sure). He gives the drug and his father sleeps. His mother is not on board with this. She wants her husband to be more alert. She says maybe if he had a little pain it would wake him up. The father tells the author that he wants to die in peace, and the only time he is at peace is when he sleeps.
This chapter reminded me of this particular thread. Some family members want to see their loved one at peace, and if that means asleep because of drugs, so be it. Other family members want their loved ones to be alert and responsive, even if that increases their pain.
I suggest this book to those who a struggling with hospice decisions. It gives another perspective.
Wake they gave her more drugs.i stayed by her side till she died.i asked them to check for zanax or flexaril but they wouldn't. I think she was set up because my bro. In law was tired of her living with him and my sister. He didn't work and was angry at haveing her there. It makes me sick to think she was sent to death before her time.
People think that they are going to these places to get care (like the word suggests, palliative CARE HOSPICE,
It is actually euthanasia and patients and families should be better informed. Palative care is great for people who are wanting to die, but there should be a choice. My father certainty wasn't ready to die and he was ripped off with his life. Cancer didn't kill him. He was killed by a drug induced coma. The same thing happened to my auntie and the family are still trying to deal with it. They visited her one day, she was eating laughing and cracking jokes and thought shed be going home in a week. The next day she was dead.
So yes, definitely loved ones death extremely rushed. I find it so hard to accept my father's death, as I should, but ten years later I am still riddled with greif & depression. I feel for anyone that has gone through this experience. Your certainly not alone.
Furthermore, I can not understand what all the fuss is about Euthanasia when they are already doing it on a daily basis and its all legal.
I would give ANYTHING for a morphine drip and Atavan. I used to work in a nursing home and I know how peaceful and painless going that way is. This is none of the above, for any of us. My poor mother is suffering, and I am attending to her every minute. I am sleepless, haggared, not eating, and basically at my wits end.
Anyone who feels that hospice did them a disservice by easing their loved one's passing needs to come to my house and see what it is when they (due to the opiod crisis I guess?) withhold those meds.
Im so torn.
I am so sorry but not suprised your Dad is taking this so hard. 70 years is a very long time to be married and at 93 it is very hard to take such a loss. I am sure you are doing all you can to relieve his distress. let him take his own time and don't do things to "cheer him up" he may be ready to join your mother sooner rather than later. it will be very sad for you to face the loss of both parents, but we don't have a choice in such things. So be sure to take care of yourself during this difficult time. Blessings.