I need some advice! My mom has lived with my husband and myself for the last 2 1/2 years. We both agreed to have her come live with us since she was so unhappy in the nursing home. How to I tell her I don't want her to live with us anymore? It would mean a nursing home for her and that would probably just about kill her. She DID NOT adjust well the last time she was in a nursing home. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
I'm glad everything went well with your mom and the nursing home. Don't exhaust yourself running back and forth constsntly. We ll have to do things we don't want to. We have to think of ourselves and that isn't being selfish.
I haven't written anything in several months but I do read everything. My mom passed 7 months ago. I cared for her for 5 years 24/7. It was my husband (God bless him)!! and myself. My sister and her kids didn't come by because they wanted to remember her when she was happy and healthy (wouldn't we all like that!!)! We have a mentally challenged daughter and it was hard on her because as moms Alzhiemers progressed she didn't know any of us and my dughter didn't understand. We kept mom home and had Hospice the last few months. Heartland Hospice is the best!!! I didn't know there was more than one hospice. I thought Hospice was Hospice. We went thru a couple before we had Heartland. The first couple dropped us because my mom kind of leveled off for a couple of months, which Alzhiemers patients tend to do that towards the end and they didn't think we needed them. Heartland was our last and they were so great!! They got mom a hospital bed so that she was lying on air and that way she didn't get bed sores. They got her a Broda chair so that she wasn't sliding and leaning when she sat up. It also has a bottom that you can lower so that her little botton didn't get so tired!! There is so much out there to help. Spititually and emotionally. Hang in there guys. It's a hard situation but we do it because we love them. They are so scared and we have to remember that!! Well, I have written enough. Thank God for all of you.....Phyllis....
If you are like me, no one will take over. Useless brother and poor planning on my parent's part will be the death of my freedom and golden years. But I still manage to have fun and have great help taking care of my mother.. All of you who know me know my battle cry: BOUNDARIES. Set them, keep them, and enjoy life while you can!
Vent all you want! You have to get it off your chest or you will end up sick yourself!!!
I thought mom was a goner so may times She was diagnosd 13 years ago. She was a tiny thing but she held on. She went all the way. The last few days she could't eat. Her brain couldn't tell her throat to swallow anymore so she litterly starved to death. It was awful. I am 59 but a few months before she passed I was in the hospital. Complete exhaustion. Kidney failure, compromised ammune system...................so take care of yourself first. You can't do them any goodif you are sick. My sister droveright by our house but wouldn't stop. My nieces and nephew the sme. Their reasoning was they wanted to remember her healthy and happy.....................unfortunetly, those aren't my last memories. I wish they were. Bu you know what? I don't feel guilty and they do. We alldo what we have to do and the rest is history as they say.......laugh a little, it feels good............Phyllis
Carol
I need to vent every once in awhile and I haven't been on here, but I just about lost it this morning. My m-i-l, who has Alzheimer's, & is 78 yrs. old, called out this morn. Luckily, I was up
at 6:30 am when she called out. I had just fixed my breakfast and was going to let her go on calling (she either goes to the bathroom or goes back to bed). Something told me to not wait until I finished my breakfast, just go see what she wants. I went down and she didn't have any DEPENDS or pj bottoms on. I went inside the gate & found everything on the bed was on the floor except for the bottom sheet and pillowcases. Then I went to get another pair of DEPENDS in the bathroom and found her Super Plus DEPENDS in the toilet and on top of that her pj bottoms and to top that off, a HUGE bowel movement on top of her pj bottoms. I just about lost it and called for my husband. My husband came down and got the floor, toilet bowl and sink. I got the clean DEPENDS on her and changed her clothes. If my husband was working, I wouldn't be able to handle it as well.
Thanks for letting me feel like I can vent.
of course im not handling him like lach61 is . but my mil is lik ethat she has alz and my bro in law is takin care of her , so i dont know what goes on there but heard she does gets mean .
lach61 ur mil is tryin to do things for herself so u wont have to do it but she does it all wrong . its not her fault . at least shes trying , its like takin care of a 2 years old whos potty train ,
bless her heart , just bite ur tonuge and go on do ur job , cuz someday youre be doing the same thing ....
Is there a reason you don't want her with you? Is she a burden financially? Perhaps you can hire a part-time caregiver to help you out. Some people just drop their parents off at nursing home because they feel inconvenienced, and that's the wrong approach. If it's because it's too emotionally and financially stressful on a family, then there's good reason. There are so many other options and nursing home should be the last resort unless they are totally incapacitated. That's my two cents.
I'm 70 years old, my Mom is 93 and without the NH, I would be in a big mess.
I do get tired of people knocking them, I go see my Mom often and have never seen anything go wrong. I'm sure things do but I know their better and know more about how to handle her dementia then I would.
You are so right and thanks for the kind words. We sometimes are so involved in the situation that it is hard to see some of the facts. We love our families or we would not even be on this site. However, there comes a time when we must bow to the professionals who know more than we do. It is important to do your homework adn find the right facility for you and your family. Not all of them are bad and with constant vigilance, you can make the experience a positive one. Thanks and Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah to all!!
i can take care of dad and know how to handle his situations . all he does is sleep and eat and goes to bathroom . he cant walk good , etc . it be rude for me to do that to him cuz he doesnt like to be in nh ,
i learned how to take care of him cuz 2 of my daughters are cna and they work for hospices , i just cant put him in nh it breaks his heart and it would to me too .
like i said for who cant care for the person then by all means nh be a place for them ....
i realzied that dementia effect people diffrent , if he bites me kicks me spit at me and dont apprecate in what i do for him yes it may be a diffrent story i prob would too put him in nh .
my neighbor and my girlfriend both went thru hell and back takin care of thier love ones and it was just too much , it opened my eyes and i prayed that dad wouldnt end up like that .
now as for my mil , my brother in law is takin care ofher , she gets mean , well i told my husband i wont beable to care for her . cuz in her sitations my nerves cant handle her . am hopein her other son can if not then im sorry i cant do it .
my dad is 86 yrs old and i dont think he has much longer to live , i will continue to care for him ,
i was caught off guard when lovingdaughter said i cared for mom 4 yrs and if she gets any sort of dementia she has to go . it broke my heart .
i wish i have a mom , she died 20 years ago (cancer) ...
That's why we all support each other with our choices. We can't really know what another is going through, but we offer the best support we can from what we know.
Take care of yourselves, you wonderful people. It's an honor to know you on this forum.
Carol