I can't handle my mom living with me anymore.

thanks for the advice some times its nice just to see your name maybe the advice isnt much but just to have people who care enough to post directly to you is enough. no my kids are 10 and 5. its a private school. i talked to my husband he doenst get it at all he says to just ignore my dad easy for him to say ne never gets the brunt of dads anger like i do . So im not going to do any thing for my dad no laundy no paper devievery no ride to church on sunday NOTHING. and the next time he blows up which he will then i will be out of here . let him go to a home I cant take it any more. why does life hae to be so hard and yes i too have seen a counsler they dont tell you straight out what to do they just try to help you figure it out on your won but you have to pay big bucks .so for now its quite the kids are off of school till jan 6 i will have fun with them and just try to enjoy them and the season the new year is comming and this i promise i will not be in this situtation next year at this time . I maybe dead but i will not be here. dont worrry unless its my time i will not do any thing to my self im a very strong person i can handle any thing i could leave with nothing but my kids a full tank of gas and 2 hundred bucks in my pocket and i would be happy and would survive i have survived with less. have a great week end i will check in later. miak

Hi Everyone. Well I went and did it. I lost my cool with my mother last night, and now she is in bed crying, won't get up,won't eat. I have been under a lot of stress(job, new house etc.). I knew something was going to happen because I could feel it and knew it wouldn't take much to get me upset. She got out of the shower with no help!!It's a wonder she did not fall and kill herself!!I let her know how I felt about this. She started to cry and said she would go live someplace else.That was it for me.I will be looking into a nursing home starting today. I have talked to my sister and she is in agreement. I still have to talk to my Mom, since I had to go to work today. I just can't take it any more. Part of me is happy that I made a decision, but part of me feels so guilty. I did tell her I would take care of her as long as I could when she came to live with me, but I'm not sure she remembers that anymore. Wish me luck with this one. I sure am going to need it.

heavyload, you are making the right decision for you. When you find a good nursing home, staff will be able to do more for your Mom than you are able to do for her. There comes that day....

Try to leave the guilt behind knowing that you have done your best. You are only human. In any relationship we occasionally become annoyed or angry with each other. As I see it, caregiving is no different than any other relationship where we are not perfect. Don't judge yourself harshly for having made the decision to place your Mom in a nursing home. Hope you find a good nursing home for your Mom and one that will allow you to take a deep breath once you place her there.

Merry Christmas to everyone who reads these messages. sunshinecaregiver, heavy load, miak, alicemb, mlv3000, lindam, sandy4409, dimsie, heavyload. Hope tht you all remember the meaning of this holiday. We are all blessed to have the ones we love with us. It is a difficult road that we have taken, but one that we really will not regret. Mom fell today, two Christmases in a row. The local squad came and got her up. We cannot lift her, too heavy!! She is OK and it remindes me that I do not know what I would do without her. May God bless and give you all peace. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays to all - hope everyone has a peaceful restful holiday!


*** myvoice2.....happy holidays, I was wondering if you have spoken with your canadian rel's and evaluated your options on sending your m-in-law across the border. According to a canadian relative I spoke with today, the waitlist is pretty long and she would need to re-establish residency if she has been out of the country a while. Does she rec'v a canadian pension - or american SS? It was also mentioned that if she has dementia and is unable to navigate the system herself you would need to obtain an affidavit of responsibility signed by the relatives she would be staying with until there was an opening available for her. You are probably better off applying for medi-medi here in the states.

Cat, you've always got some amazing contribution to these sticky questions. Thanks for your input.

All I can do is say "ditto" to what you wrote.
Carol

Merry Christmas and a happy, safe New Year to all of you. This is the first Christmas we have not gotten together with family. It's kind of a sad time but tomorrow is another day. My daughter (mentally challenged) doesn't quite understand but she seems to be handling it. I think she gets the worst end of it!Next year is another year!! Keep smilin.......Phyllis

Christmas blessings to you, lovingdaughter, and to all caregivers who post on this website. Someone mentioned a heavy heart that goes hand-in-hand with caregiving. Given the daily challenges so many of us caregivers face, a heavy heart is understandable, and as just about everyone has suggested in your own unique ways, tomorrow is another day. Like you, lovingdaughter, when my Mom is not feeling weel, I always feel her absence. It is a stark reminder that I will most certainly miss her if she were to die before me. "And the greatest of these is love...." Hope everyone found moments of peace this Christmas. Thank you all for being here.

Thank God I have found this website. I am so sick and tired of everyone telling me how wonderful an opportunity it is to be a caregiver. It sucks. I have lost my job, my home, and almost my marriage to take care of someone who is my "father". He is biologically my uncle but has no one else. I hear everyone's pain here. But the pain needs to stop...when do we realize that we're not responsible for the bad choices others have made to get themselves into their current situations. Or are we responsible for their failing health? No. As their children they had a responsiblity to take care of us because they brought us into this world then we had to make our own way. Now we're supposed to give up our health, jobs, and life to take care of them because they had us? I don't remember my "father" ever wondering whether my grandmother was taken care of. She died and he just came to the funeral. Now I get his mail, clean his house and make sure he has his medications (oh and his bourbon too). Enough is enough. I have talked to my children and told them I will have long term health insurance and I will NEVER put them through the agony, pain and lonliness I have had to endure because someone else (and society) thought I should be responsible for someone else's lack of planning. Sorry I sound so cold...but there's just enough some people can take.

Lostsoul
You don't sound cold you sound human. and you are right, alot of people made poor choices and sometimes we are chosen to make it better. I think I realized the other day that one of the main problems we face is parenting parents. They resent it and so do we. My dad was mean, abusive, unhappy and full of resentment. I did my part the last years of his life. The things I learned about myself were priceless. Lessons I may not have learned otherwise. But maybe your"father" should be in assisted living or a nursing home. I don't know how our lives get so messed up while caregiving, but it happens to all of us.
I am grateful you found this sight also. There are many who feel the way you do. And all of us are here for you. Others will agree that you are simply one tired, overwhelmed human. Find ways to take care of yourself and breathe, don't forget to breathe.
Let us know how you are doing and this is the place to rant. One big cyber-hug for you and you will be in my prayers.

lostsoul,
I hear you! I am feeling so guilty right now. I have Hospice and they are going to do a respite for me. A weekend. I am so looking forward to this. Last week they came and stayed for us to go out to eat and I felt so guilty, we went to Taco Bell so it would be quick. I enjoyed it sooo much!!! Who would have thought Taco Bell would be sooo fun?!?! It's the first time in months that I went anywhere without my mom. The last time we took her out to a restaraunt, she gave the waitress an dog turd!! She had it hidden in her coat pocket!! She is now housebound. I have been taking care of my mom, who has Alzhiemers, for about 10 years. She has lived with us for about 4 years now and I have been a 24/7 caregiver for about a year.
I have Rhumatoid Arthritis and suffer from Vertigo. The stress has made the RA so severe some days its' all I can do to get out of bed. My husband,(God bless him), helps me sooo much. Our daughter (mentally challenged) is getting the worst end of it. We never get to go out with her anymore. Her and her grandma were so close but now grandma is sooo mean to her. She hits her and cusses her and accuses her of stealing. She doesn't even call her grandma any more. It's that woman. She doesn't understand. We have gone thru all of our savings trying to keep things going. My husband was diagnosed with Hep C and was off work so long for treatment, we lost our house. I applied for SS disability last year and was notified that I was finally excepted!!! Yeah!!!! It will help so much!! Not like a pay check but much better than nothing!! One thing I have learned is, you have to laugh, hon!! My husband has a great sense of humor, thank God. He says mom could hide her own Easter eggs!! She is so unhappy and I think that was the hardest thing to realize. I can't make her happy!! She took care of me when I was little and when I was sick, she gave up so much and I feel like I should do the same but I've finally learned that I can't. I keep her fed and clean and that is all I can do! No body can make her happy!! I have a Gerri chair and sometimes I have to put the tray on just so she can't get up. That is the only way I can get anything done because she follows me evrywhere in the house. Bathroom, kitchen, etc. She has fell several time so now we have the Gerri chair!! I have a half sister and an adpoted sister and several nieces and nephews but haven't seen or talked to them since last year at Christmas when Grandma was still social. They all live within a couple of miles. Heard from no one this year. Quiet holiday at home with my kids and grandkids. Oh well, when its all over, I'll know I did all I could and won't wish I had done more. Wow!!! I have really gone on!! When you start, it seems like it all comes pouring out!! Keep smilin lostsoul............I read here every day. It is my lifeline!! I don't always get on because when I do, ya see what happens.............but reading is great!! We are all here for ya....we may not be "family" but we are here for you!!...........Phyllis

Dear Pkpurs: Well I have to tell you I chuckled about the dog turd..I can just imagine the look on that poor waitresses face!!! Thank God you are letting Hospice come in and give you a weekend away. Don't you DARE feel guilty! You are doing more than a human should be asked to do and obviously doing it with humour and love. You deserve...no you need to do this for yourself. What if you got sick from all the stress and physical labor you do and can't continue? What would happen to your daughter and husband? They need you too. Especially your daughter, if she's hit and cussed at that must affect her so much emotionally, and that's not fair to her. I'm also glad to hear you got SS disability, every little bit helps, doesn't it? It makes me so mad when I hear relatives who live close by don't even call or offer to help. I am an only child, and the only living relative, but fortunately I too have a wonderful husband who is supportive, I couldn't have lasted this long without him. My father also has a friend who takes him out once a week, but he's the same age and his health recently has started to fail. Have you considered a nursing home for your Mom? I know some people think of it as a four letter word, but there will come a time where that might be your only choice, and you can still visit as often as you like and be involved in her care as much as you choose. If finances are an issue there are agencies that can help, I've found this website to be a great source of information on that.

Please, please do not feel guilty when you get help from someone else. It strikes me that the caregiving role always seems to fall on the shoulders of one person, which is so unfair. Remember that everything you do, whether she remembers it or not, comes from the goodness of your heart. You're right you cannot make her happy. But don't punish yourself because of that. You are doing so much for her, your husband and your daughter. Now go out on that weekend and do something for yourself! The world will not end I promise! Let me know how it goes ok? Love and blessings to you dear. Hope to hear from you soon.

Mom fell on Christmas Eve. I think that she was more embarrassed than hurt. She is very unsteady and may have had a mini stroke in the last month. Dr. is on vacation, so she goes next Friday. I need her to be admitted to the hospital and then tested to really know what is wrong with her. I want her home, but she needs physical therapy. May only get it if she goes to the hospital. Month in a nursing home would do us all some good. She has a good attitude and loves to watch her TV. We pray we never have a power outage!! W just need to be able to get her to the bathroom, chair and bed. Hope we can get her tested soon. I am a little nervous as what the future holds. Happy New Year to you all. Things will get better.

Hi Lovingdaughter,
I'm not criticizing, but if you feel your mom needs to be admitted & tested, get on the phone and have the doc or whoever is covering for her/him paged. Waiting till next friday might not be the best for her.
Did you speak to the doc & they told you to wait, or are you waiting because you know they aren't available? I know from personal experience that being the squeeky wheel is not always convenient, or easy it is important if you feel she needs to be checked out to have her just go NOW.....if any doc says wait - tell them you want it in writing and watch how quickly they change their tune.
please take care & let us know how it turns out.
have a peaceful day, but please don't be pushed into waiting if you believe she needs to be in the hospital.

Hi, Cat. Mom is better today. Seems to have much better balance. I am waiting because if she needs to see a DR., I will take her to the hospital. Another covering DR. won't work. What they did at our hospital is refuse to allow the local Drs. to have privileges. They hired their own team of physicians. and they work full time at the hospital. It really is not convenient if you want your DR. to attend to you. She is in good spirits, so we are going to wait. Thanks for your concern. I will let you know how things turn out.

I'm glad I found this sight. I am a professional caregiver and it helps me to know the anguish of family members in caring for their elderly parent,husband wife,. there is one common thread running through these posts. I see this in almost every case a parent will have several adult children but only one is doing the primary care taking.
after getting to know my client the parent will tell me that they chose that particular
child because they felt that they were more together. or in some cases more trustworthy and responsible. Just wanted to add some consulation and insight to a desperate situation.

Thank you pro! When I speak to groups of professionals, they are usually in tears when I finish. Many of them, busy as they are being professionals, forget the caregivers and all they are going through. It's so heartening to know people like you are out there.

Take care,
Carol

Sometimes I feel like the forgotten ones!! Everybody is concerned about the patient, as we are, and don't realize the stress is actually harder on the caregiver. When we finally end up in the hospital as I have more times than my mom, somebody notices us!!! So much for my pity party........lol!!! Keep on smilin'..........Phyllis

I feel so trapped with no way out.It's kind of a long story,so please forgive me.I am a 36 year old mother of 2,ages 17 and 11 and have been married for 19 years.My mom is 65 and my half brother is 25.On and off during the whole 19 years of our marriage,we have lived with my mom.Everytime we move out,she says she is extremely ill and we have to go right back.God bless my husband,he has supported me through it all.My brother is addicted to drugs and has never worked a day in his life.The sad part is that she has done this to him.He has been getting SSI since he was 7 for ADHD and she tells him if he goes to work and loses his check,she will kick him out.He has no friends,she won't allow it.She tells him that he will get out in a car with other guys and get killed in a wreck.He has never had a girlfriend because he is scared of women.She tells him that they will say he raped them and he will go to prison.She won't let him get a drivers license.So he is a hermit.He stays in his bedroom 24/7,either on the computer or playing X-box.He never even goes out to eat,to WalMart,I mean NOWHERE.She takes him to Drs and tells them crap to get him pain pills.There is nothing wrong with him,he's 6'4,200 lbs.He does no household chores.He won't even fix himself food.I always did everything for them.I worked 50-60 hours a week as a certified nurses aide,I did all the housework,cooked all the meals and ran errands for them,I even mowed the lawn.That was all well until June 2006,when at age 33,I was diagnosed with breast cancer.I had 11 months of chemo,a double mastectomy and was left with congestive heart failure,neuropathy and chronic pain.I had to buy a lockbox because he was stealing my pain pills.She has always made me promise to take care of him when she dies.She checked herself into a nursing home last month and stayed for 3 weeks then came back home.She cries constantly and begs me not to move out and leave her.She is just plain nasty and craps everywhere and just leaves it for me to clean up.No one ever visits because nobody likes her she's so hateful.My brothers dad would call to talk to him and she would cuss him out and tell him not to call back.He doesn't even bother anymore,he didn't even call at Christmas and I don't blame him.He used to give him $200-$300 every year for Christmas cause his birthday is Dec 29.She is so greedy,she told him"Call your Daddy and go get that money".She acts as if there isn't a thing wrong with me and that he's the disabled one.This is not even close to the whole story,but I'm sure you get the idea.
I just want some peace before I die.I know the Bible says to honor your parents but where do you draw the line?My health is suffering,my marriage is showing the strain and my kids say they hate her and God forgive me,I'm starting to feel the same.I just don't know where to turn or what to do.

Lisa,
Thank you for sharing your story. It helps me to see I don't have it bad at all. I am so sorry that you had cancer and had to undergo such pain and fear.My heart breaks for you. Your mom sounds as tho she has had her way most of her life and your brother just doesn't know he has choices. But you do have choices. The worst that will happen is things will remain the same in that household, and there is nothing you can do to change any of it. Guilt seems to be the main "killer" of caregivers. It is only a feeling.That is not to say it isn't a powerful feeling, but a feeling, none the less. I have had to work " to the other side" of that feeling and believe when I say there is a feeling of knowing in your heart and soul you did all you could.That sacrificing ourselves for insanity makes us as crazy as the ones making us crazy!And you apparently have courage and fortitude , and do not need anyones permission to save yourself and your husband and children.Do what you need to do and know that we are supporting you and your health. Life hands us a lot of things that we can do nothing about, and then there are the things we have choices about. Save yourself!!!! Get some peace,Take the time to look at the past and see if anything you tried to do changed anything. If not, again, save yourself. You will be in my prayers. Let us know how things progress. You have already faced the most fearful thing in your life, getting out of there is nothing compared to that.We understand how you feel and support you. God help you in this part of your journey.

Lisa, honoring your parents isn't what this is about. You have such a dysfunctional situation thatto continue this was isn't even close to what is expected of you.

I would have social services do a welfare check on your mother and your brother. Your mother sounds mentally ill and your brother has been made to feel useless and needs a lot of psychological help.

The only way out is to detach yourself from this mess and have social services take over. You are helping them by getting help. You can't do more than you are and what you are are doing is ruining your life. Please get help so you can take care of yourself, save your marriage and family, and move on. You can monitor what happens with social services and help in any way you can, but this is something your can't do alone.
Carol

I want my mother to do things for herself and she does to a point she fixes herself something to eat, she sits and watches tv, thats about it oh and gets up and goes to her room and plays in there all night long. sleeps all day, she is so tired and her backhurts so that is her excuse not to have to take responsibility for anything not that she ever did I've been raising her kids since I was 7 getting kinda sick of it now. I am ready for her to go I am going to a hypnotist to quit smoking next week and not sure I want to quit It is my crutch and I so enjoy sitting on the front porch listening to the church bells at 5:15 and having a cup of something and my cigarette. But I know I should before I get emphasema or some lung disease but I have been fortunate have been smoking for 46 and not serious problems from smoking. I am going to keep it simple like I said on another post when she can no longer see its to the Nursing home, that may soun cruel but thats what they are for and you better believe if it was the other way around My butt would already be there When my Dad was so sick two years ago she wrote in her "Journal" which I wasn't supposed to see. "If I would have known I would have to take care of him at this age like this I would have never gotten married" What the hell happened to death do us part? So its me me me when it comes to her and unfortunately you do reap what you sew.l have a good day girls and I hope sometimes I say something that lets you know you are not alone and that its okay to feel the things you feel and its okay not to have to want to deal with them and its okay not to deal with them. You have a life to and there is no place written that says you are responsible for other peoples decisions. You are only responsible for yours. Neon

Gee, yes, I think we all have the same parents, I don't think your father hates you I really think he doesn't know what he's saying or doing. We are all kinda thrown into this because we have compassion but there really should be some place we all can go to get some sort of training without spending the family fortune of $1.00.

yes, that's a joke I don't even have a $1.00. LOl

The hardest thing when taking care of my mother in law 11 years ago with alzheimers was not taking it personally, she never liked me cuz I was never good enough for her baby but here we are next week 38 years later and still good enough for baby boy but thats a whole nother topic. Its hard not to take it personal but its not personal. Its just their frustration will try to find some websites and post when I have a few extra min. neon

I took my mother out of the nursing home to live with me. She sometimes gives me the silent treatment and won't conversate with me. I just ignore her and hope tomorrow is better. She is incontinent at night only, thank God. We have her on the elder care program in MN. They pay for everything. I have her go to the day center 3x a week where she gets socializing, breakfast, lunch and game time in. They pick her up and drop her off. They also pay for all supplies for her and transportation costs. She also has a personal care attendant that lives right across the road from us who is assigned for 6 hrs a day, and this is paid for by the same program. Even with all of this service it is still cheaper than the nursing home. I would suggest looking into a adult foster care home. I am going to be licensed because working a full time job every thing with mom is sooooo tiring. Good luck everyone.

that souns so good but my mother refuses to go anywhere except to the doctor the highlight of her life, but it has been for the last 30 years so I guess its hard to change, she would never go anywhere with Dad either??? Me just say when and I'm like the dog at the door panting to get out. I guess I'm like Dad. If you suggest she come or go out she has a pain somewhere well guess what I have a pain somewhere to LOL But it sounds like at least your mom is cooperating with you I think it is good for them to get out and have some fun no play makes Jill a sad girl. But mother does what she wants and that is very little, she does eat, sleep and watch tv and she is obsessed with the mail I don't know what she's waiting for but its something. I hope she gets it. If I suggested this she would have a bonifide conniption and that is no lie. thanks for sharing and I will keep that in mind for myself. Yes I get the silent treatment all the time but there really is nothing to say and she can't hear and I think that is why she doesn't want to go anywhere. Happy New Year to you and chill out

eons.com is another great web site!! And yes it is hard not to take it personal!! My mom makes me feel so guitly because she has this God awful pitiful look on her face all the time!! I think we have the respite set up for this weekend and I am soooo looking forward to it. First time in a year I have been able to do something I wanted, like spend some time with my daughter!! 2 whole days, OMG!!! What will I do first??? It will be heaven!! I'm gonna take a looong hooot bath and sleep, sleep, sleep!! We are having some wonderful weather (ST Louis, MO) and I stepped out on the back porch yesterday for a few minutes and it felt soooo good!! And as far as money..........hahaha!!! We live on my husbands pension. 4 of us. My SS disabilty starts next month and that will help some. I was trying to figure out what to fix for supper...........corn bread and hot dogs!!!!!....lol!! Hey, at least we have corn bread and hot dogs.........keep smilin...........Phyllis

You always make me feel better. Christmas Eve was great. Mom was on the floor of her bathroom and the squad had to come and pick her up!! She is OK, but I think her UTI infection is what made her so weak. She has a very good attitude, but part of that is that I set the guidelines upon her moving in with us. When we built our house, Dad gave us the money to put on a suite of rooms for futre us. Don't know what I would do if Dad hadn't agreed to that. He was so smart and I miss him. He dies 3 years ago at 92, Mom is 87, still smart, but the body is not cooperating. I am taking her to the DRs. on Friday. See what he has to say. I want her evaluated. Dawndav sounds like she is on the right road. Her state has programs that really sounds wonderful. New Jersey, not so good. Anybody out there from New Jersey who knows of some great programs, let me know. Thanks. Happy New Year to you all and inner peace!!!!!!!

I deeply appreciate both of you for your insights and advice and I know that you are 100% correct.Lindham,you sure did hit the nail on the head about guilt.As I said before,there are many aspects to my situation.My mom and dad divorced when I was 4 years old.All I remember of my early childhood is a parade of men and mom being passed out on the couch and then my uncle throwing her bottle of Valium out the car window.Luckily for me,my grandma(her mom) lived next door to us and she took care of me.She passed away in 1992 from breast cancer.When I was 10,mom got remarried.And boy,did she ever pick a doosie!An alcoholic that wouldn't work and didn't even own a pair of shoes.She got pregnant at 40 with my brother.My stepdad started molesting me when I was 11 years old.I finally got up the nerve to tell when I was 14.I spent 3 months in a psychiatric hospital and nothing happened to him.She has told me more than once that it is my fault that she doesn't have a husband and my brother doesn't have a daddy.According to her,I led him on because,like all 11 year olds,I wore shorts.Not short shorts just khakis and the like.She threw away all my shorts and I wore blue jeans year around,even in August.Realistically,I know that she put me in that situation and it was her place as my mom to protect me.She tries to put the blame on me and blame everything that is wrong in her life on me.

Hello everyone,

I cannot believe it I just got back from 13 days of vacation. Most of the time I worried about my dad because as usual right before I went he fell and broke 2 ribs. He was taking pain meds that made him crazy acting and he was picked up by the cops for walking around his apartnment building with no shoes and shorts on in the snow acting like he was out of his mind. This all happened 3 days before I went, it seems like everytime I go someplace something happens to him and he is sick or something major goes on. I think he stopped taking his meds to get sick before I went in hopes I would cancel my vacation.

Well it took everything I had but I sent my cousin and uncle to go to the hospital and managed to stay away before I went even though I got calls non stop how bad off he was. I am the only daughter here and the other 3 take no responsibility in his health or life at all. He has 2 brothers and I put it on them and went on vacation anyway, Even though I worried the whole time I think dad has got it in his head that I cannot do it alone.

I just got home and I spoke to him several times the past few days and we have discussed that we need help and he realizes that we are going to ask for it because I cannot take care of him 24/7. His options are basically go into the nursing home or we get some help at home. He called to get his scooter because his balance is so off he keeps falling. He did this alone all by himself. He is coming around on the idea I have a husband and my own life and I do not owe him my entire life till he is gone.

I still feel horrible, don't ask me why but I do. I know that he is lonely and I know that its not my fault but I am a compassionate person and I feel sorry for him--but I am about to get a divorce if I do not lower my efforts and time with him. I am working on this now that I am home.

My plan is to give him all the help he needs. I am going to check out every service in Michigan and we will have help. I already found 3 places that will take him to his appointments for free. I am looking up all the advice I have gotten here and going to make a plan for him. He needs social activities and if that's a day care then so be it--he needs friends and I want him to have some happiness for the remainder of his time. But I know its not my total responsibility and it is so hard not to do everything but I am doing it. I am thinking of myself first from now on I have to.

Your stories are so heartbreaking--neonwacky--I pray for you and hope that you move for your own sake--we had dad in our home and it did not work out but please for yourself get some help in that home and be good to yourself--love yourself and your family first and then realize no matter how much help you give or how much of yourself you give the other person will always be the same--we always expect a different outcome from the same situation and it does not never work. It hurts like hell not to be recognized for all we are doing and all we have sacrificed but we are doing most of it to our own selves. You are sick yourself you need to be taken care of and your needs need to be tended to, if your sick you cannot take care of anyone else. The situation is toxic for you and your family--please find it in your heart to forgive yourself of guilt and love yourself.

Take care and thank you for all the information I have found here.......Alice

Lisa,
You owe your mom only thanks for giving you life