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Middle daughter is in labor, commenced pushing about an hour ago! Fortunately, her older sister is there with her so that we're getting quite regular updates.
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Whenever there is trouble on another thread or I just don't want to stay on topic, I mosey on over here, looking for my friends.
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Oh yeah, that's it. Let's all keep sharing, and caring!
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A burden shared is a burden halved; that's how I've heard it, Gershun.
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A burden shared is a burden ............was trying to rhythm. Can't think of a positive word that rhythms with shared. How about a burden that you share give's someone else a chance to care.
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Barb, Standing by is all one can do. Your poor friend has more than enough with parkinsons. She will think about what you said. Venting is a good thing, a burden shared.....
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Saw a long time friend at synagogue today; she is in her 70s and has Parkinson's. Her husband is having a knee replacement this week. And her 99 year old mother who lives in an apartment complex, and who has round the clock aides is demanding of more and more attention! Mother is banging on the furniture, making demands that the aides pay more attention to her; claims no one is caring for her, etc.

My poor friend is at her wit's end. I asked if perhaps it was time for a facility so that she wouldn't have so much responsibility (paperwork, shopping, etc.) She said quickly, "oh, my mother would be neglected there". I asked if mom's doctor was prescribing meds. The answer was yes "but I don't want to turn her into a zombie". We talked for a while about the care my mother receives in her NH, and about titrating psych meds.

I hope I gave her some ideas to chew on. She needs to take care of HER! When I said that to her, she said sadly, "yes, that's what everyone says--take care of you. But there is no one else to care for my mother".

Oy. Just venting.
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Thanks cwillie, I will give it a try.

Blackhole, what you said really resonates with me. And makes me afraid as well. I don't look forward to aging into my 80s or 90s. I always thought I would want to live to 100 but now I'm not so sure.

I wish I was stronger and wiser after the death of my father. But I am even more fearful of facing more loss. I am still struggling to find a purpose after his death. Although it was hard seeing him so unhappy, in some ways he was still strong. I think he could have made it a little longer if only he wasn't so stubborn about taking his meds. I still have to do my dad's taxes this year. Its the final housekeeping item I have for him and it breaks my heart. I'm so used to doing this and that for him and now its all come down to one final tax return.
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Cwillie, Yes, the canary had a lovely song.
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For those of you who want something calming, go to youtube and look up your favourite bird songs. You can have fun with this and open multiple tabs and have a whole chorus going at once. My personal spring morning faves - northern cardinal, chickadee, house finch and goldfinch, american robin, nuthatch, blue jay and I added in a song sparrow even though they won't be singing until later :)
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All this loss really knocks the stuffing out of us, doesn't it? Whether the loss is death of a loved one. Or "just" witnessing their capacities diminish while your free time and your peace of mind become distant memories.

This malaise and discomfort lingers with me. Long after the events were fresh. It's as if the past 5 years changed my DNA.

I had hoped to come out of this stronger and wiser. Sometimes that's true.

Other times, all I see is a planet full of people who whose deaths will probably not comply with the delusion of an upbeat, no-fuss exit.

Instead, most of them (myself included?) will intentionally or unintentionally suck the joy out of others as age increases and capacity decreases.
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Visiting here.
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Thank you Katie. I appreciate your kind words. I needed them.:-)

I'm so sorry for the losses you have been through in such a short time. My deepest sympathies and condolences. I think 2016 was such a difficult year. It started with a friend's aunt dying at 60 of brain cancer. Neighbor of 20 years moved a way. 2 more friends moving across the country. I don't know if it was a sign, but even the little things like the TV having to be replaced, light bulbs, smoke detectors, it just never seemed to end. And all the tragic news about this celebrity passing and this person passing. My one sibling was getting divorced. And the exclamation point was my dad's passing. 2017 is me trying to work through all my feelings of anger about why it had to be my dad? I will try to take comfort in your words because its true my dad no longer has to deal with doctors and is no longer suffering. I just wish I could come to terms with this new reality. Thank you again Katie for your support.
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cdnreader, give yourself time. It has been over a year since my Mom passed away and I am still struggling with it. Sometimes I am moving along fine and it just hits me like a ton of bricks out of nowhere. In addition to my Mom, I lost my Aunt, 2 neighbors, one previous neighbor that we were still close to, and 2 close family friends all in a short time. So many changes. Sometimes when I look at the state of the World and also remember my Mom's rough last few years, I like to think she is now in a safe place where none of that can get her anymore. Please give yourself time and above all be very good to yourself, even starting with little things.
{{Hugs}}, Katie.
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Thank you for this thread. I'm trying take inspiration where I can. Four and half months since my dad passed. I seem to go back and forth. I know I need to live my own life and live it well. But there are days I still cannot believe my dad has passed. It still feels so strange to know that my dad is dead and I'm alive. And that I'm no longer worried about his day to day needs. I can make choices independent of his needs. I know this is my new reality but yet I struggle to accept it. Trying to do little things too. Like going to a movie, to a paint class, leaving the house for lunch. Just something to keep me moving. I don't know when I will ever feel normal again. Accepting that I can't go backwards is tough.
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well I spent Saturday night completing my online jury duty orientation, and am now trying to stay awake for the opening of SNL

oh joy tomorrow I get to work on mom's taxes
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Cwillie, Run, run, Cwillie run!
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Katie, the site has been wonky ever since they started their upgrades, lots of people have been locked out or can't navigate the threads properly.

We here in SW Ontario have been enjoying an unseasonably early Spring complete with robins, thunderstorms and snowdrops. I guess I don't have any more excused not to lace on my runners and head out for some exercise. Later.
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Katie, I am sure that is not the case. There are a lot of people like you, including myself who still post after the death of their loved one. I don't get updates very often either. This site was a godsend to me in those last days.
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Once again I am not receiving any updates in my email from AC. This has happened several times. I did contact them but no response. Sometimes they don't respond to my emails, which I don't send them that often. I am able to get on here by saving one update in saved mail for the last 3 weeks. Maybe they want me gone from here as my Mom passed on a year ago. AC and everyone on here was so much help to me when Mom was bedridden for nearly 2 years, 24/7. It has helped me cope with my loss and transitioning to life without her. Oh well.
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Gershun,
This month has flown by. For three days I worked from bed, slept a lot in between. Finally, had to get the dishes done today, and we went to the grocery store. It feels better to have a choice of what to eat in the house.
Mostly frozen vegetable concoctions to microwave-that's easy.
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Hey, what happened to this thread? It went on much further, so did they erase it all?
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FreqFlyer,
Well, if she was in the witness protection program, you would have really blown her cover! Lol.

You are all very loving, funny, and endearing. How can I thank each of you, going back, your missing me posts, your kind words, and a poem!

Will be taking some time away. Still reading...even if I could not PM each of you! I will be back, could not survive without my AC friends and brat buddies. I love you all!  I felt so heartless having to ignore your questions, and it was just so very, well, thank you, I think?  But then, true to the community spirit, others stepped up and had some pretty creative answers on my behalf.  Again, thank you each and everyone of you!
Love, from Send
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I was really depressed this last fall and felt like my life was done. One day I just started to force myself to do little things for me, buy some new outfits, and little things I did for myself like watching a sunrise etc. began to add up until I did not feel bad so often anymore. It was like all the good little things went into some sort of mental bank and added up somehow. Next, I made myself go out to movies with friends, take walks, and take a little trip with my husband. I started acting happier and before I knew it I actually was happier. I hope this tactic works for others too. If my depression would have persisted I would have gone to the doctor, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to just start doing some things for me. It was as though I had forgotten how to do for me, and took baby steps to move out of the depression. I also realized that my Mom would not have wanted me to be depressed and I had to take an interest in life and live my life now with all the things she had taught me. I do also believe that lack of sunlight can effect moods greatly too. I bought myself a "happy light" and sit with this for 30 minutes each morning too.
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Looks like Send was placed in the witness protection program and is now going by the screen name of anonymous281963.   That is strange.   Send are you still out there???
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Orange cranberry scones at everybody's famous coffee place, throughout the world, go early-they run out by noon.....
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Gershun
I don't know how one mends a broken heart or spirit but I think doing something completely new and different helps a bit - less likely to bring up memories

Treat yourself to a bunch of tulips a cafe latte and a scone tomorrow

It's after midnight- I'd probably feel better if I went to bed but I'm pulled into a movie on HBO
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Of course, I would never......
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Make that trek to your favorite church, sit in the front so it will be necessarily uncomfortable to run out in tears. Then, if the tears do come....run out anyway?
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Gershun, might I suggest that you make plans, maybe to redecorate a room in your place, and spend some of your inheritance (just as your Mom would have wanted you to), and do something really frivolous, something really great and fun and colorful, to help to cheer you up! You could think of it like gift from your Mom, and you can think of her every time you walk into this room. Or plan a trip, go away with your hubby or a friend, somewhere you really always wanted to go.

This is what I did, I went to England and Wales, with my 3 sisters, about 6 months after our Mom passed away, spending a good chunk of my little inheritance, and on something our parents would have truly loved for us to do, all together, sisters. It was wonderful and cathartic, to see their homeland, and put together in my mind, all the many places they spoke of, throughout their lives.

Try to come up with some way, to do something really neat, to lift your spirits, and honor your Mom.
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