Hey folks, welcome to the new whine/general topic thread. Feel free to use this thread to discuss anything that is on your mind. Caregiving- related stuff, life after a loved one's death, your own emotional wellbeing. Whatever..........anything on your mind.
I totally understand how you feel. I was always unnerved with my brother too.
It’s constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. When that shoe does drop, it’s a doozy! Like when I saw my brother being arrested at my parent’s house for robbing a bank.
You have no idea how that feels to be watching your brother being escorted off in handcuffs on the news. It was horrible to see.
I was angry. I was hurt because I desperately tried to talk him out of robbing a bank and he ignored everything that I said to him.
Yes, he told me his plan to rob a bank the week before he did it. I begged him not to do it, not to end up in jail, not to hurt our family and so on. It was mind boggling to see this unfold on the evening news. I did not go see him in prison. My parents did. I just couldn’t.
My younger brother took my parents to see him in jail. The first thing he said to my younger brother was that he needed him to smuggle drugs into the jail!
It sounds mean but I was relieved that he would be locked up for the next 7 years! I finally had peace knowing he couldn’t hurt me anymore because he was behind bars.
When he had his motorcycle accident years later, he asked me to go buy heroin for him. What??? I fell apart in the hall outside of his room. A kind nurse stopped to help me and told me that I had to stop helping him and my mom had to stop expecting me to help him.
So, yeah! I get it. I used to wish that I were an only child! Would have been better than living my nightmare with him.
I used to ask God if He was taking a nap when I prayed to him about my brother. Sometimes I felt that way. I would end up telling God that I had no idea what His plans were but having to live with my brother’s insane behavior was killing me.
Prison may have been God’s way of answering my prayers. I don’t pretend to know the mind of God. I am not a prophet. All I know is that I could finally breathe after my brother was locked up.
To tell the truth, I think if he could hit me with his truck or beat me he would do it if he thought he could get away with it!
Thank you for your point-of-view it helps to have others to bring their insight into a situation.😊
I know God knows what is going on. I just wish HE would do something about it. I don't understand why God let my brother abuse me for so long and now letting my brother do this crap to me! I am just so tired that I do have to watch my back and wonder what will my brother do next!!
So very sorry your brother is egging your jeep, and you have to be on the alert about what he is going to do next.
What he said about leaving you alone is obviously another lie.
There will be a solution I hope.
By a civil complaint, I was referring to the common occurence when the victim (you) has had enough, and responds in anger.
For example, if you had a moment of weakness, and egged his car, he could lie and sue you. It seems bizzarre, but he could be provoking you so you will respond in a way that he could get possession of the house. I don't know how, but these things happen, where the victim is portrayed as the bad guy. You will be okay, just watch your back. God has got this. And He knows who your brother is.
Thank you for your insight. I have not been close to my brother sense I was 6 yo. So, there is no relationship! He has NEVER had consequences my mother and dad gave him a Free Pass (more of my mother's doing). I am not sure how it will turn into a civil dispute. I just know that I am tired of his crap. The really sad part is he "will not" survive in jail. He is a mama's boy and really--just a weak person because he never had to fight for any thing. My mother baby him! I just have to catch him on my Ring! Your right in that he needs to get on law enforcement radar and whether or not he gets help is in God's hands because mine are full!
Worried,
I have read your pass posts about your brother and I swear, we have the same brother! My brother thinks he is the boss of this house and he doesn't live here and hasn't for 20 years, plus, he doesn't and never has paid any of the bills. H3ll, he made my parents pay him for mowing the lawn, moving furniture and everything else they needed him to do. When he use to watch the house and my mother's cats he made my parents pay him and he would leave the house a mess. But still believes that he is entitled to get the house because he did some chores for them that they paid him for. It is just crazy how his brain works!! And like yours, my brother takes no responsibility for any thing he does. Nothing is ever his fault. Thank you Worried for your support on everything including my message.
NHWM,
I believe that your brother is at peace now.💗🙏
The bottom line is, my brother needs to learn that he can't go around doing and treating people anyway he feels like it. There are consequences for his actions. We all have to live by life rules whether we like it or not and he is no different no matter what he believes or thinks!!!
Not having feelings for him does not make you a bad person at all. A person has to want rehab to cooperate or possibly a judge will insist on a person going through a program which generally doesn’t work because their heart isn’t it.
Of course a person should have to pay with consequences for their actions if they are guilty. Your brother is guilty of doing things and if charges are pressed against them they will suffer the consequences from their actions. You do have the choice to press charges. That is a personal decision that only you can make. Good move to change the locks.
It’s horribly sad to see anyone get caught up in addiction. I know people who became addicts after horrible accidents and they couldn’t cope with the pain. I know cancer patients who became addicted as well.
Street drugs are the worst! They are not pure, they cut them with all sorts of trash. Drugs can destroy lives in some situations and in other cases drugs prescribed by a doctor that are used properly can be helpful. Thank God that opioids aren’t prescribed as generously as they once were.
It’s horrible when addiction turns to criminal activity such as stealing. I agree that jail is the only thing that will stop them from stealing.
Unfortunately, some people like my brother still do drugs in jail. Some people have even died in jail if they can’t do drugs.
Rehab facilities handle withdrawals as a medical situation. It’s not a black and white thing, lots of gray areas.
You absolutely can’t have your brother in your life with or without your mom for the same reasons that I couldn’t. My mom was an enabler. My brother pitched a fit too when he didn’t get his way. All addicts do. Even if my mom would have been dead I would have cut my brother off. I couldn’t deal with it any longer. He refused going to rehab. He thought he knew more than the professionals or anyone else. No one can reason with them at that point. My brother saw me as a control freak too. He would make stupid assumptions about me that couldn’t be further from the truth. Consider the source, as they say. I had to learn to cope.
Plus, I was afraid of him when he was using and the people he bought drugs from. I never wanted to know any of the people he associated with. He would get behind paying his dealer and would have to move away from his apartment because he had his life threatened. Dealers don’t let them off the hook for not paying. My brother’s friend was murdered for not paying his dealer. It’s such an ugly lifestyle. My brother was homeless at one time. An old man took him in. Then he went into the hospice facility and died.
I truly feel horrible that you are going through this. It’s a horrible situation. I know you are all too familiar with it as I am. Sadly, many others are dealing with it too.
There absolutely comes a point in time when we must cut them off. I cut my brother off too. I had to. I didn’t see him again until he was in an end of life hospice facility. Some people make a choice not to see a person dying and that is understandable as well. Sometimes they don’t even get as far as hospice. Sometimes they overdose. Seeing my brother overdose when I was a young child freaked me out. It’s terribly sad. What a wasted life.
I certainly hope that my brother is at peace now. I would like to believe he is. This sounds nuts but my mom and I had the same dream shortly after he died where he was young and healthy and one of the few times in his life that he was off drugs. I felt peace and took it as a good sign.
Im so sorry things are bad with your brother! As you know mine was an addiction and is now an alcoholic and I think there must be some universal characteristics that addicts share because my brother is the same way, thinks I am a control freak and the favorite child. Takes no responsibility for his actions. Thinks he’s the boss. It’s really hard for me to deal with me and we aren’t close either. So you have my sympathy. Do whatever you need to do. You aren’t the bad guy, you aren’t a bad person and you aren’t responsible for his addiction.
It is often the case that a drug addict gets the help needed by coming before law enforcement's radar.
As a tough love advocate, I would report my own brother (or son)
in some cases, for egging my car, a lesser offense, but getting the attention of LE.
I think it may take intense and focused community and family effort in order to close down resources for an addict to continue behaviors. However, an addict at some point needs to want recovery.
To make war on your brother's drug use by yourself will get you ostracized and criticized 'as if' it is a disagreement between just you and brother. It could turn into a civil dispute between you two.
Turning him in lets him know he cannot cross that boundary without consequences. It will also end your relationship, both now and most likely in the future.
Protect yourself.
I understand that drug addicts steal that is why I changed all the locks and won't let him in the house; besides he would hit my mother up for money that she doesn't have then we would have to listen to him having a "fit" and him breaking things then my mother gets fixed on "having to find money to give him." The whole house turns upside down and my mother becomes unreasonable for about 3 days!!
And what really burns my butt is he thinks I am being a controlling bit@#. He believes that he isn't doing anything wrong. In his world he is right and EVERYBODY ELSE is WRONG!!! This is where people believe him over me.
I think Isthisrealyreal is right he is going to push it as far as he can until I send him to jail. He has never been in rehab because my mother just couldn't believe that he is a drug addict.
I am sorry that you lost your brother. I myself have lost a lot of friends to drug related deaths. It is sad. However, I have no feelings for my brother and I don't know if that makes me a bad person or not. I just know I can't have him in my mother's and my life!!!
I feel your pain. I truly do. I understand what it is like to live with a drug addicted brother. I lived it. Very sad. My brother was kindhearted but his drug addiction made our lives hell though. Yes, they steal. If you don't sleep with something locked up or under the pillow as we slept, it would be gone. Sad but true. We were close at one time. As close as we could be. I was close to my oldest brother and youngest brother growing up, not close with my second oldest brother. He was the bully. Now I am not close to my brothers due to various issues and yes my mom interfered too. It gets complicated. I had to go no contact.
I only wished that I could have helped him because he was a good person underneath and I believe in second chances. Unfortunately, it usually takes many attempts in rehab before beating drugs. Some do and good for them! I couldn't be happier for those that do.
I understand you having a tough shell. I get that. It's self preservation. I had to develop self preservation too. I feel deeply because I have a heart. I know that you have a heart too. I still had to protect myself and that is why I had to surrender trying to help him any longer. It was destroying me. I had to learn not to try and reason with him when he did not want help.
I am not advocating that you try to help him. I totally understand that you aren't close to him. I was never close to one of my brothers and he never did drugs, ever. Only my oldest brother became lost in addiction. I think the rest of us would have been terrified having witnessed the destruction that drugs cause in a person's life and others who care about them. It's interesting how some follow in their footsteps and others avoid it like the plague.
My brother had stopped drugs at different times in his life and became very successful in his life, even owning his own business. The temptation is always there and they are extremely vulnerable. Sadly, drugs had a stronghold on him for the majority of his life.
It's a medical problem. It's a psychological issue as well. Even law enforcement officers are recognizing this now. Going to jail is not going to deter them. My brother was in jail for seven years. Did it stop him from using drugs? Absolutely not. He did drugs in prison. It's a very difficult challenge. As you know a person has to want to make changes in their lives for it to happen. We can't make them want it. We can't deter it either.
I have enormous compassion for addicts and want them to have help. At the same time I know the frustration of those who are hurt by addicts and self preservation because I lived it. You are absolutely correct when you say others don't understand. They don't because they don't have first hand experience with it like we do. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I saw things that no child should have to see growing up. That is my past.
If I can use the experience to help others I will. Otherwise, I try to keep it in perspective. I truly had total forgiveness for my brother in my heart which was a miracle because I did not know I was capable of that. I had to pray for God's grace. I can't take credit for it. But I can say that God's grace is the only thing that brought me peace in the midst of a very difficult time. Watching him die was hard. There are some relationships where we don't feel anything for them. I understand that. I really do. I think every situation is individual.
Sooner or later the bottom will fall out one way or another in your brother's life. They go to jail for consequences of their actions or they end up dead like my brother. The lucky ones survive and beat their habit and remain in recovery.
I hope your brother will back off and allow you to live in peace. I get that sometimes you feel like leaving. Hey, all of your feelings are justi
I was angry that my brother put me in that situation. He did it to himself, but he drug me into it by pulling his stunt while our dad was in a different country.
Hopefully you can catch him and get him incarcerated where he can get some help for his drug addiction.
Odds are pretty high that he will continue to escalate the situation until he goes to prison. Unfortunately that is how biochemical personalities think. No responsibility.
You aren't doing this to him, he is. Pray that The Lord will guide his actions and thoughts.
I don't want to help my brother. We were never close my mother made sure of that...I just want him out of my life!!! I don't blame myself that my brother has a drug problem that is my mother's fault because she could never face the truth about her golden child.
You are right, I do feel emotions deeply and I hate it. I do have a hard shell because I had to because nobody ever had my back when I was growing up. My brother has bully me my whole life and all he does is lie, use, abuse, and steal from me. He truly is a dirt-bag!!!
I know you believe me, but the people who don't believe me are the everyday people...the people who are in my life:(
Well you know that I believe you. My brother died from HepC, directly related to his heroin habit.
Do I understand your conflicted emotions? Oh God, yes! Other people who haven’t walked in our shoes may not. I think they may not share our emotions anyway. I feel emotions very deeply and I know that you do as well.
I tried forever to help my brother. I even blamed myself for not being able to help him. I thought I didn’t approach him in the correct way. It wasn’t that at all.
We can’t help someone that refuses our help and with a broken heart we surrender. We give up trying to help them. We learn to protect ourselves. It’s a process.
Do I wish that I had a tough hard outer shell? Absolutely not. It’s what makes me, me. All I desire is a balance in my life. I don’t want my emotions to rule my life completely.
There are times that it is appropriate to follow our hearts and other times to use reason and logic, and trust our gut. Do you feel similar?
Thank you. We have motion lights all around our house because my brother has tried to break-in the house and the garage. But my Jeep is to far from the house for the motion lights to go off.
Plus, we are getting a new Ring motion light for the driveway because I have a feeling the longer I won't let him into the house or/and I don't talk to him the more he is going to get mad and the more he is going to do! It just sucks!! I hope the Ring catches him!
Send,
I haven't heard or seen the DIY motion activated sprinkler. I will look into it. Thanks for the laugh! My brother would be mad as a wet hen! I will look into it.
NHWM,
Thank you. The thing is, I don't want to be 'that person' who sends her brother to jail, but he just won't get the point! And the worst part is that people don't believe me. They don't see him for what he is...a liar, a thief...a drug addict! But I have no choice. God knows that my brother doesn't care about me or our mother.
I just can't let him finance his drug habit with my parents things or getting my mother's money (what little money she gets).
Would any of you report your brother for egging your car if you were in my shoes?
Thank you all for your support and ideas!!
I am so sorry that you have to deal with your brother’s shenanigans. I hope it’s resolved soon. Do whatever you have to do. I wouldn’t hesitate to try and catch him in the act either. Then report it.
I have kept my son's hand print he made in kindergarten.
Clearing my collections, I asked hubs if I should keep my son's baby teeth.
Hubs said, "Keep them for the dna".
Have you seen the DIY motion activated sprinkler with online instructions to use as a security measure?
A perpetrator would get wet, and mad as a wet hen.
Would you tell anyone?
Would you be scared?
Would you be a little bit c h i c k e n ?
🐥
Movie: Chicken Little
All I think about is 'what is he going to do when my mother passes away'? I have been thinking about fixing up the house and sell it just to get away from him! Maybe move out of state or maybe just out of the city. I don't know and it doesn't matter at this time. He told me that if I leave him alone he will leave me alone, but I never have or do anything to him. I just simply don't care enough about him to bother. He just doesn't get it!!!
This is my whiny moment!
Nowadays they can have my knitted goods for Christmas and like it.
Oh, I see. I am doing crochet with beads now. It’s fun!
I am using nylon thread for it’s durability. I like cotton but not for my recent projects.
I am also working on some projects with wood. I like painting. I’ve painted them, added hooks for keys and other things.
Every time I finish something my daughters want it and I have to start again to make one for myself.
Just thought of something. Look for conversion references to clarify the differences.
Wonderful news about the new addition in your family. Babies are so sweet.
we poor Canadians 🤯
So happy for you and your family, CWillie! 🍼
I did get the blanket finished Send, I think I posted that somewhere??? I probably won't get down to see her for a few weeks, and then it will be a nail biting drive down with the rest of the family (BIL driving on the freeway 😰)
Nephew 'thinks' it's DONE, when it all has just begun!!!
🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🐥🐤🐥🐤
Did you get a blanket made for the gift?