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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Wife "Where the hell have you been? You said you'd be done with golf by noon!"
Husband - "I'm so sorry Honey...but you probably don't want to hear the reason".
Wife - "I want the truth, and I want it NOW!"
Husband - "Fine. We finished in under 4 hours, quick beer in the Clubhouse, I hopped in the car, and would have been here at 12 on the Button. ...... On the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tire. I changed it in a jiffy, and next she's offering me money. Of course I refuse it - then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton - and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer.
She's such a sweetie, I said yes. Before you know it - one beer turned to three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other. Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50 steps from our table.
She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand. Now I'm in her room....clothes are flying ......the talking stopped....and we proceeded to have sex in every way imaginable.
It must have gone on for hours, because before I know it the clock says 5:30. ...... I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car, and here I am. ............ There. You wanted the truth....you got it."
I sometimes have to wonder, why are you so concerned about the food on your clothes that you pick and brush at, after I have seen your bathroom habits, etc.
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced
and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?" "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
A Lexus mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a LS460 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new.
So how is it that I make $48,000 a year and you make $1.7M, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic.......
A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The priest turned to the rabbi and asked,
"Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?" The rabbi responded,"Yes, that is still one of our laws."
The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest,
"Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?" The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith"
The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my Faith." The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, and sat thinking, for about five minutes.
Finally, the rabbi said,
"Beats the sh** out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
Well, I don't know, I'm not knowing how to act. I'm laughing too much about it. I'm sorry. I don't want that happening to me. I would be very ill from it.
Our Needs Change As We Get Older, A 79-year-old man is having a drink in a bar. Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away. The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her. After a short while, the girl notices him staring, and approaches him. Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: "I'll do anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I'm game. I want $100, and there's another condition".
Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is. "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman. He whips out his wallet and puts $100 dollars in her hand ---He then looks her square in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly: "Paint my house."
(Our needs change as we get older, and we tend to look for bargains)
A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.." The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an Airborne Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal, both serving overseas somewhere.When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking." "Hasn't affected my brothers though..."
I went to the liquor store Tuesday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch, and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.
It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says. "That's cool," says Bobby. Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it." Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby--so he asks Carrie's dad to repeat it. "Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!" Well, Bobby's eyes light up at that. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: "DAMMIT DADDY! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!"
A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that could service all of his many hens and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied: "I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!" So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse, though, he gave Randy a little pep talk. "Randy", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff." And without a word, Randy strutted into the henhouse and set to work. Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn't stop there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pighouse, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, "Stop, Randy, you'll kill yourself!" But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy. The farmer walked up to Randy saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you, my little buddy." "Shhhhh," Randy whispered, "The buzzard's getting closer."
Good morning caregivers, My Cuz must be busy because we all know that he would never pass up a chance to post a joke or three from his BigBook of FunnyStuff.
I hope all is well in Cuz's world. So many people depend on him for so many different things and Cuz always says he's not a caregiver but he really is. After all, he's been caring for those of us on this thread for a long time.
Glad, it's good to see from you and I left you a message on your wall. Sorry I've been AWOL, but have been busy with the challenges of my post-caregiving life.
All of the people who used to regularly post on this thread, I think of you all so often and hope you all are well.
Jen! A shout out to a beautiful person and terrific writer.
That's it for me for now and I wish peace for all today.
Thanks for covering for me bobbie luv ya. Aunt Hank is settling down with her bout with dementia. Sometimes she will know you and the next day has no clue. Does not know what day it is, what time it is or the year. Hardly ever gets out of bed because she doesn't know why she has to get up sometimes. Hugs to all. luv Cuz. ps haven't had any good jokes to pass along but I can go in the archives and pass along some good repeats if ya need them. I still check the site out every night as I have been doing for the past what 8 years now?
An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is couple sex?"
The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement. Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"
The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs."
I was packing for a business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, 'Daddy, look at this' , and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said ,'Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,'pretending to eat them.
I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
A gas station owner in Mississippi was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, "Free Sex with Fill-Up." Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time." A week later, the same redneck, along with his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time." As they were driving away, the redneck said to his brother, "I think that game is rigged, and he doesn't really give away free sex." Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week."
Don't know why I haven't perused this thread before - it's a hoot
if I may -
an elderly man was walking down the street one day and a small frog was hopping about and yelled to the man to pick it up as the man picked up the frog, the frog said, if you kiss me I'll turn into a lovely young woman
the man put the frog in his shirt pocket and kept walking the frog was a bit surprised and said, did you hear what I said? one kiss and I'll be a beautiful young woman
the man looked down at the frog and said, at my age, a talking frog is ever so much more entertaining
Oh MsMadge, Whenever The Viking has a bad day, come here! I always get a good laugh. Short and fun easy reading. Sometimes the saga of Dorker just goes on and on. Her MIL already left! We must have a little fun!
I caught mine washing her hands with toothpaste. My worst is the incontinent bowels when they get it on their hands. I get horrified and get short with my mom. She once had a bad accident in a store bathroom and when I got in the stall she was on the floor trying to clean it up.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
.
Wife "Where the hell have you been? You said you'd be done with golf by noon!"
Husband - "I'm so sorry Honey...but you probably don't want to hear the
reason".
Wife - "I want the truth, and I want it NOW!"
Husband - "Fine. We finished in under 4 hours, quick beer in the
Clubhouse, I hopped in the car, and would have been here at 12 on the
Button. ...... On the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with
a flat tire. I changed it in a jiffy, and next she's offering me money. Of
course I refuse it - then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the
Sheraton - and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer.
She's such a sweetie, I said yes. Before you know it - one beer turned to
three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other. Then
she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50 steps from our
table.
She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand. Now I'm in
her room....clothes are flying ......the talking stopped....and we proceeded
to have sex in every way imaginable.
It must have gone on for hours, because before I know it the clock says
5:30. ...... I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car, and here I
am. ............ There. You wanted the truth....you got it."
Wife - "Bull! You played 36 holes, didn't you?"
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every
problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling
unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had
endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the
therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand,
he embraced
and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised
eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs
at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays,
I fish."
A Lexus mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a LS460 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new.
So how is it that I make $48,000 a year and you make $1.7M, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic.......
"Try doing it with the engine running.”
A PRIEST AND A RABBI.
A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.
The priest turned to the rabbi and asked,
"Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The rabbi responded,"Yes, that is still one of our laws."
The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the rabbi replied,
"Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest,
"Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith"
The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my Faith."
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, and sat thinking, for about five minutes.
Finally, the rabbi said,
"Beats the sh** out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
A 79-year-old man is having a drink in a bar. Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away. The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her. After a short while, the girl notices him staring, and approaches him.
Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: "I'll do anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I'm game. I want $100, and there's another condition".
Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is. "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman. He whips out his wallet and puts $100 dollars in her hand ---He then looks her square in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly: "Paint my house."
(Our needs change as we get older, and we tend to look for bargains)
three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of
each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and
orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat
after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an Airborne
Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal, both serving overseas somewhere.When we
all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to
remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each
of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The
cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He
orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice
and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the
bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to
offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes
and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I
joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though..."
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home.
It turned out to be a very good decision because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.
ALWAYS THINK AHEAD!!
"That's cool," says Bobby.
Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it."
Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby--so he asks Carrie's dad to repeat it. "Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!" Well, Bobby's eyes light up at that. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.
About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: "DAMMIT DADDY! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!"
lovbob
So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse, though, he gave Randy a little pep talk. "Randy", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff." And without a word, Randy strutted into the henhouse and set to work.
Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn't stop there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pighouse, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, "Stop, Randy, you'll kill yourself!" But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.
Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy.
The farmer walked up to Randy saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you, my little buddy."
"Shhhhh," Randy whispered, "The buzzard's getting closer."
lovbob
My Cuz must be busy because we all know that he would never pass up a chance to post a joke or three from his BigBook of FunnyStuff.
I hope all is well in Cuz's world. So many people depend on him for so many different things and Cuz always says he's not a caregiver but he really is.
After all, he's been caring for those of us on this thread for a long time.
Glad, it's good to see from you and I left you a message on your wall.
Sorry I've been AWOL, but have been busy with the challenges of my post-caregiving life.
All of the people who used to regularly post on this thread, I think of you all so often and hope you all are well.
Jen! A shout out to a beautiful person and terrific writer.
That's it for me for now and I wish peace for all today.
lovbob
luv Cuz.
ps haven't had any good jokes to pass along but I can go in the archives and pass along some good repeats if ya need them. I still check the site out every night as I have been doing for the past what 8 years now?
An 8-year-old girl went to her
grandfather, who was working
in the yard and asked him,
"Grampa, what is couple sex?"
The grandfather was surprised
that she would ask such a question,
but decided that if she's old enough
to ask the question, then she's old
enough to get a straight answer.
Steeling himself to leave nothing out,
he proceeded to tell her all about
human reproduction and the joys
and responsibilities of intercourse.
When he finished explaining, the
little girl was looking at him with
her mouth hanging open, eyes wide
in amazement.
Seeing the look on her face, the
grandfather asked her, "Why did
you ask this question, honey?"
The little girl replied, "Grandma
says that dinner will be ready in
just a couple secs."
I was packing for a business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, 'Daddy, look at this' , and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said ,'Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,'pretending to eat them.
I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
I said, 'What's wrong, honey?'
She replied,
'What happened to my booger?
So he put up a sign that read,
"Free Sex with Fill-Up."
Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.
If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex.
The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said,
"You were close. The number was 7.
Sorry. No sex this time."
A week later, the same redneck,
along with his brother, Bubba,
pulled in for another fill-up.
Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story,
and asked him to guess the correct number.
The redneck guessed 2 this time.
The proprietor said,
"Sorry, it was 3.
You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his brother,
"I think that game is rigged, and he doesn't really give away free sex."
Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray.
It ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week."
if I may -
an elderly man was walking down the street one day and a small frog was hopping about and yelled to the man to pick it up
as the man picked up the frog, the frog said, if you kiss me I'll turn into a lovely young woman
the man put the frog in his shirt pocket and kept walking
the frog was a bit surprised and said, did you hear what I said?
one kiss and I'll be a beautiful young woman
the man looked down at the frog and said, at my age, a talking frog is ever so much more entertaining
Welcome to the Grossed Out Thread and thanks for the great joke!
Anytime you want to pop one in here we all appreciate it.
Hey everybody, I went back to school. Now a student at the local college and am having a good time learning.
I hope everyone is well and doing the best they can.
Hey Cuz!
lovbob
Whenever The Viking has a bad day, come here! I always get a good laugh. Short and fun easy reading. Sometimes the saga of Dorker just goes on and on. Her MIL already left! We must have a little fun!
Dori-toes!
I'm so sorry lol but it made me laugh!
The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut!
How many is a brazilian?"
lovbob