Hi Everyone. Thank you ALL so much for being here. This has been the most wonderful support group! My heart goes out to all of you! It's SO hard to be a (or the only) caretaker! I'm 49 and am totally alone to care for my mom and s-dad. I feel like just yesterday I was young, carefree, riding my bike, being with friends and remember the days where I never worried about being a caretaker for my mom. It makes me so sad to know that those carefree days are gone. I'm afraid of what the future will bring. I have no other family except my mom. I'm totally alone to care for my mom and s-dad. Both are in very bad shape with emphesema, severe heart and circulation problems, etc... At present, my mom is very ill. She has a defibrillator to regulate her heart and to shock her if her heart should stop again. She also has PAD (peripheral artery disease), which is severe. She had 3 Stents put into her legs last week. The Stent in the left leg did not work, so she needs to have an arterial/vein bypass done in her left leg. Today her left leg is very swollen and blue! Some of the blue color is from echymosis, but it looks very bad. She will call her Vascular Surgeon tomorrow (Monday) morning. I offered to take her to the ER, but she refused. I'm the only person my mom and s-dad will allow to help them. I feel that I can't take much more though. I'm on disability myself b/c of chronic pain conditions. I'm exhausted to the point of falling asleep standing up! I can't eat b/c I'm now having stomach pains. My own pain is awful. I'm having panic attacks and feel VERY depressed. "Friends" are long gone. There's so much stress in this house that no one stops in. I'd love to have just some emotional support. I think people are afraid that I might ask them to help in some way if they stop in. I wouldn't. I just need emotional support desperately. I'm taking care of ALL of the household chores. I'm working harder now than when I worked a full time job as a nurse. At least then I could come home and rest after my shift was over. Now there is no rest! Both my mom and s-dad are in such bad shape that I never know if they'll be alive when I get up the next morning. I'm scared! I've been getting bad stomach pains, chest tightness and feel like my life has become a train wreck. I just need support and need to talk with others who know what it's like to have the pressure and stress of being a caretaker. Thank you all so much for being here, although I'm sorry for the stress that you're all under. My mom and s-dad can afford to have help come in, but refuse. Any feedback, guidance, friendship and support would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks Everyone... Kathy
I am in the home care business and this is something we see all the time but I must admit your situation is at a critical level.
See if you can open up a conversation about you getting power of attorney (POA) or at least on a checking account so you can help manage their finances. Other responders have said what I am supporting is that YOU are the one that needs help. You need help in caring for them and they have to realize that you are on the edge of a physical and mental breakdown. Ask them who will take care of them when you go down? Get someone in there for a few hours a week so they can get used to it and then increase the hours.
God bless you for all that you do and know that you are building up treasure in heaven.
I've only just realized this myself, it was tough for some reason to accept, but when the responsibilities we carry become unreasonable, We have a responsibility to make the needed changes or step away altogether.
Your mother has a diagnosis so maybe that's why you can get hospice to come out.
My mother is well. There is nothing wrong with her according to her doctor.
She is just mean and abusive. I am not talking "acting up" here. You are very lucky to have parents that treated you well. Sounds like you have no idea what parental abuse is.
Get real!
Hugs to Kathy TODAY!
....FOLKS there a lot of us other there going through this hell, so we are not alone in that manner! That sole thought helps me get through it...that I am not the only one doing it!
Hugs all!
Thanks.
I held her hand and said I Love You over and over but unless she was on the ceiling she didn't hear it.
Maybe we really do die alone in that respect anyhow. Who wants an audience?....
Yes Hospice care is for when folks are terminal and have not long to live. We had hospice for my dad who had Stage 4 Melanoma. Yes I heard that 'death rattle' that maggie sue spoke of....it was wierd. It was till later someone told me what that was.
MaggieSue...when they are nuts...just give it time...they will do themselves in at one point. Does your mom have any thyroid issues...that also turns them into nutcases! Actually my mom got hauled away before the last stint last year. When she was 81 5 years ago...I was taking the truck (dad's old truck) around to warm up engine etc...and I stopped in at a dealership to look at some new cars and I had a bad fall in the parking lot and could not get up...I was yelling for hellp and no one came...well finally I got myself up and when I arrived home...man oh man....there was police handcuffing my mom to the guerny...while I was out she was acting up against the neighbor...have no clue what spurned it on..but she was hitting my rental car at the time and a neighbors car with a stick...so the neighbors called the police and when they could not reason with her called the paramedics. They hauled her away and I had to find her in a hospital lock up for observation...after a few hours they let her go..but all the while in lockup she was still beligerant about why she was there...and could not comprehend what she did wrong...cause in a Narcissist's head THEY DO NOTHING WRONG...yes I am so done with mommy dearest and all her nuttiness. It's contained now cause she on meds and pretty much older..but she can still act up to those careing for her. She likes to wail now...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO when she doesnt want something or like something. Can't wait for it to be over...and have told her so on many occassion...it don't sink in..she don't care.
I love your story about your mom's breakdown. I wish my mother would cross the line with her acting out and we could have the paramedics lock her up. She's almost but not quite as out of control as your mother. It's funny that all this controlling makes them out of control.
I'd love to get a diagnosis and some pills for her.
She's staying with me now while they put her house back together after a fire (lightening). She tends to prowl all night and I've learned to sleep thru a lot of it. The other night I heard a loud girgling from the room where she sleeps. I thought it might be a death rattle. No such luck. She was sitting in the dark finishing up a bottle of Ensure with a straw and giving it a good last slurp.
I've told her she and her cat have worn out there welcome here and it's time for them to go home. She just ignores me. Doesn't want to hear it. Soon I will have to pry her fingernails from the wall and toss her in the car with her cat and cat litter and dump her off at her house. Maybe that will trigger a major acting out.
This s**t just goes on and on.
Sorry for the emotional outburst. I'm so proud of all of you for all that you have to endure at the hands of your own "loving" parents (or whoever it is that you're caring for). It just Ain't right! lol... Seriously though, my heart goes out to all of you!!! I'm so thankful for this group. I'd be lost w/out you! I wish there was some way you could all catch a break!!! Really I do! If you do find a way, take me with you please...
Kathy
Thank you all for being here and for understanding. You're all Angel's in my mind!
God Bless you all, Kathy
My God Pirate I hope you can get some relief. Mine may be coming as he is scheduled for adult day care for Tuesday this week AND my mom has started making a list of nursing home i believe, like we are "almost there" and she needs to acknowledge it and be prepared for this eventuality. I am sure now even her good intentions/guilt is wearing thin.... I know she didn't see this being four years....I know it.
Heck my 12th anniversary of Momster hell is coming and I have the same sentiments believe me. She is pyshco hell all the time...and will not go into a NH..."NOWAY" is the quick and loud retort I get from her.