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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel right in a relationship, whether it’s family, a so-called friendship, a stranger, then it isn’t right. If you feel you’re being taken advantage of while caregiving, then you are. Trust your feelings & perceptions.
Let your inner wisdom guide you.
By “trust your gut”, I literally mean trust your gut. If you’re putting on weight around your stomach, your gut is trying to tell you something.
I’d warn myself: 1. Watch out. Your mom will exploit you, financially, emotionally, psychologically, physically, and she WILL NOT CARE. 2. In fact, she’ll be happy that she’s ruining your life. 3. When was the last time she did something for you?? Something kind?? 5,000 years ago?? 3. She doesn’t have your best interests at heart. Big understatement. 4. If you knew all of this about her, years ago, what would you have done? Do THAT now.
There is no cure for old age. There is only one trajectory--and it is down. Every medical issue addressed leaves room for the next, which will be worse. Don't rush to fix every little medical issue, and stifle their independence with oversolicitous care to keep them "safe". You're only prolonging their misery...and yours.
It's probably just me being anxious.. but I would love not to go back - but forward. Like in 'Back to the Future II'..
Am I eating awful pizza, my DH umployed & me a broken wreck?
Or did we survive this period? The changes, job changes, the downsize, coped with family members & our own illnesses & treatments. All the life transitions..
Is my future me fit & fabulous on a cruise somewhere?
Beatty, I agree, seeing the future would be interesting!
(By the way, the point about going back in time, is just an exercise in what warning you would give yourself. Often that warning can help others who read it. And actually often that warning, is something you should be counter-acting right now, not just past.)
After your comment, I started myself wondering what my future, 20 years from now, might look like. Same kind of questions as you…Am I eating awful pizza? Does it have mushrooms, which I hate?
Well…how good have I been at guessing my future in the past? I’ve sometimes been way off! Sudden obstacles that I never imagined. I didn’t expect my mom to suddenly get ill. My helping has derailed my plans for years.
Beatty, I wish us not to be broke in the future. And eating awful pizza.
We don’t deserve that. And I’m sure we’ll figure out a way, to a bright future.
“Is my future me fit & fabulous on a cruise somewhere?”
Be careful: we all know that helping our LOs is EXTREMELY stressful. BUT what we don’t realize is that there’s all sorts of effects we’re unaware of. The stress you’re aware of: is ONLY the tip of the iceberg. In reality, you’re experiencing much more stress.
I would have tried harder to stop my mother buying an apartment near us just one day after she saw it, with no discussion about what sort of life she would have there and what she expected of us. She regretted it almost at once and so did we, for six long years.
Plan, plan plan. Plan ahead. Not later, when you perceive you're old. Do it early and keep it updated. Put your property in someone else's name while you're "young". Give extra money away. See an elder law attorney to make it legal and to keep your life savings in your family, not some greedy investors. Make it clear exactly what you want for elder care. Then clean up your house and mark and label things with names and dates and make a list of who gets what. Take all that extra "stuff" and donate it somewhere. Do a bag a day, a room a week, something like that. Ask for help if you need it. It's so hard on the family to do this later. AND it's much worse if the state comes in and takes over.
Dear women (99% of us on the forum are women) (that’s because 99% of people in the world helping their elderly parents, ARE women),
Please don’t sacrifice your life. You’re kind and nice. But there’s so much more to life than just being kind and nice.
You, like all the boys out there, deserve a full life. Don’t let anyone dim your expectations of all life has to offer. Don't think, “Others get to have that, but not me.”
You deserve a full life. You were not born to be a helper all your life. Guess who ingrained that idea into your head, thousands of years ago?
No more exploitation of women. Be a part of bringing an end to that. Otherwise you’re just continuing it.
1. Time flies. Don’t be a servant. Those who want you to be a servant don’t have your best interests at heart.
2. For anyone who wants to be totally free from caregiving/helping, I hope you get that freedom. I think many of us didn’t have that desire at the start. It all depends how long it goes on, how hard, how stressful…
its very hard. My husband has had parkinsons for over ten yrs. The last three have been extremely challenging mentally emotionally and now physically. I suffered a stroke and fortunately dont need any therapy my self. But i cant lift more than 5 lbs for my own safely which means i need fulltime help for my husband. I know i must take care of myself first before i can be of any help to him. Be careful and don’t sacrifice all of your own life
“You have to live your life. That is what a loving parent wants. If the parent wasn't so loving, that's even more of a reason to get on with your life.”
What I would add is that everything needs to be in writing, preferably with an attorney’s help: who is expected to do what, what the compensation is (if any), and so on. You would think that because it is family that would not be necessary but it is. Put it all in writing and keep accurate records of every dollar spent, every doctor’s visit, every prescription filled, etc.
Don’t give up. Sometimes it’ll feel like your life is so full of problems, as a result of having helped other people with their problems. Go through your list of problems, and one by one get rid of them. Before you know it, you’ve solved that, too.
I have answered this question once but want to answer again. If I could go back i time, I would check in more with my own feelings. For the last past month, I have felt more depressed than usual. I think these feelings have always been there... I just ignored them because I would not allow myself to be upset with my dad even if I had a right to be.
Those who need care can lose awareness of the efforts made to care for them. Don’t get down about it. Know you are doing the right thing and make sure to care for yourself.
Preventing a problem is better than spending years later fixing it. Ventingisback: be smart about it, get off your butt now and start preventing problems now.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Let your inner wisdom guide you.
By “trust your gut”, I literally mean trust your gut. If you’re putting on weight around your stomach, your gut is trying to tell you something.
1. Watch out. Your mom will exploit you, financially, emotionally, psychologically, physically, and she WILL NOT CARE.
2. In fact, she’ll be happy that she’s ruining your life.
3. When was the last time she did something for you?? Something kind?? 5,000 years ago??
3. She doesn’t have your best interests at heart. Big understatement.
4. If you knew all of this about her, years ago, what would you have done? Do THAT now.
Listen to InvisibleOne’s words:
“Please value your life, even when others do not.”
“Honor your parents…”
I’d honor myself, too.
Am I eating awful pizza, my DH umployed & me a broken wreck?
Or did we survive this period? The changes, job changes, the downsize, coped with family members & our own illnesses & treatments. All the life transitions..
Is my future me fit & fabulous on a cruise somewhere?
(By the way, the point about going back in time, is just an exercise in what warning you would give yourself. Often that warning can help others who read it. And actually often that warning, is something you should be counter-acting right now, not just past.)
After your comment, I started myself wondering what my future, 20 years from now, might look like. Same kind of questions as you…Am I eating awful pizza? Does it have mushrooms, which I hate?
Well…how good have I been at guessing my future in the past? I’ve sometimes been way off! Sudden obstacles that I never imagined. I didn’t expect my mom to suddenly get ill. My helping has derailed my plans for years.
Beatty, I wish us not to be broke in the future. And eating awful pizza.
We don’t deserve that. And I’m sure we’ll figure out a way, to a bright future.
“Is my future me fit & fabulous on a cruise somewhere?”
Yes Beatty. See you on the cruise!
we all know that helping our LOs is EXTREMELY stressful. BUT what we don’t realize is that there’s all sorts of effects we’re unaware of. The stress you’re aware of: is ONLY the tip of the iceberg. In reality, you’re experiencing much more stress.
Then clean up your house and mark and label things with names and dates and make a list of who gets what. Take all that extra "stuff" and donate it somewhere. Do a bag a day, a room a week, something like that. Ask for help if you need it. It's so hard on the family to do this later. AND it's much worse if the state comes in and takes over.
Please don’t sacrifice your life. You’re kind and nice. But there’s so much more to life than just being kind and nice.
You, like all the boys out there, deserve a full life. Don’t let anyone dim your expectations of all life has to offer. Don't think, “Others get to have that, but not me.”
You deserve a full life. You were not born to be a helper all your life. Guess who ingrained that idea into your head, thousands of years ago?
No more exploitation of women. Be a part of bringing an end to that. Otherwise you’re just continuing it.
2. For anyone who wants to be totally free from caregiving/helping, I hope you get that freedom. I think many of us didn’t have that desire at the start. It all depends how long it goes on, how hard, how stressful…
3. When was the last time you felt free?
him. Be careful and don’t sacrifice all of your own life
“You have to live your life. That is what a loving parent wants. If the parent wasn't so loving, that's even more of a reason to get on with your life.”
I can’t top that.
What I would add is that everything needs to be in writing, preferably with an attorney’s help: who is expected to do what, what the compensation is (if any), and so on. You would think that because it is family that would not be necessary but it is. Put it all in writing and keep accurate records of every dollar spent, every doctor’s visit, every prescription filled, etc.