I have gone low contact with my father but his new gastro doctor think he needs a colonoscopy
I refuse to take him in my car, looked into transports
long story short he called today and said he can't control his bowels at this point idk why he called me. I told him he should have had a gastro doctor 2 years ago
emergency rooms clean him out and send him home
I wasn't kind I told him you wouldn't let me help he says you are all I have sorry to bother both of you
said you aren't bothering you dont listen to me
he will probably pass away
"Honor they father and mother". As a Jew (and God did after all speak the Ten Commandments to a Jew. His name was Moses), I will tell you what a rabbi told me this means.
It means that you live a righteous life in a way that honors the name your parents gave you. That you do many mitzvahs (good deeds and charity) that honors your house.
It does not mean become a slave to your parents or allow them to manipulate and behave abusively to you because they are your parents. It does not mean this.
There are service providers who can meet his needs, whether it's a ride to medical appointments, housecleaners, meal preparation, and even personal cares, such as managing bowel incontinence.
If he does not take your suggestion, that is his choice.
I'm glad you are sticking to the boundaries you have set for yourself.
If you have followed Mary, she has tried and was told to leave him alone. She still tried and was told to leave him alone, so she finally got the strength to say no more will she try. He only wants her involved with his life when its convenient for him.
She has no POA so is limited in what she can do. The best thing would be is the State take over his care.
I believe that what goes around, comes around. This is Dads come around. His treatment to you is coming back on him. You have tried and got told he did not need you. A person can only take so much.
Mary, you have been suffering with mental health problems of your own over this situation. You are not in the position to take this on . Dad will have to rely on 911, and the social workers deal with him at the hospital . Like we have advised you in the past , do not answer the phone or go up to the hospital . Any involvement on your part will decrease the amount of help he gets from social services . Since you are not POA, and your parents did not want you to be , leave Dad to address his problems with doctors , hospital , social workers etc, You know that any involvement will not go well for you. Dad does not ever do anything to make it easy to help him .
Whatever happens will not be your fault . Dad made his bed a long time ago.
Given the history you don’t have to get involved .
he said sorry to bother you and your husband, like we owe him something yes?
and all we do or don't do is all about him