My 80 yr old mother with mild/moderate dementia asks my dad constantly throughout the day what he wants for dinner. She goes through the fridge and freezer all day and takes food out or puts frozen food in the fridge. Food is getting spoiled and wasted. Dad wants to put a lock on the fridge. Any suggestions as to what to do? It's driving my dad crazy.
When they were cooking they were healthy and strong and smart and other people relied on them. Cooking was nurturing others. No wonder it is a valued memory.
Mom had a uti which made her memory even worse. We were at a craft session with several residents and a couple of staff people. My mom started fussing that she didn't know what to make for supper and she better decide soon in case she had to go to the store. Nobody pointed out that all her meals were provided. I said, "What were some of the things you used to like to make for dinner when us kids were little?" And soon everyone was talking about their cooking days, including the staff.
tbumpy, I think your mom needs a little more monitoring in her home, so frozen meat does not wind up in the silverware drawer. But if it does, consider that part of the cost of keeping her at home. If it is severe, perhaps a lock for the refrigerator is in order, but I hope you and your dad can help her through this phase without frustrating the poor gal.
Instead of telling her "I'm taking care of dinner" it might be kind if Dad could talk to her about food. "You've always been such a good cook! We are lucky family that you've taken such good care of us all these years. One of my favorite things for you to cook was your mother's recipe for macaroni with potatoes. Lordy, we haven't had that for years! I remember the time ..."
Affirm her need to feel useful and to do the nurturing without, let's hope, having frozen peas in the flour canister.
And I have learned to never start a conversation "Remember when ..." I've trained myself to say "I remember when ... you made gravy and it turned out too pale so you tried food colors in it ..." and tell the story. It should not sound like a test of her memory but as a funny/cute/amazing story.
tbumpy, this behavior is repeated often. That can be VERY annoying and frustrating for you. But it also gives you and Dad an opportunity to plan some answers and diversions and distractions to use when the topic comes up.
I am sorry you are going through this. Feel proud of caring for your dear mom!
Your mom is repeating an action she had done over many years. Think about the many times she has cooked a meal for her family. This is a comfort zone for her. She is on "auto pilot" . Mb engaging her might help. A empty pot and spoon or some little task she can help with in the kitchen may satisfy her. In her world she is trying to be useful, not knowing she is making everyone around her crazy. Hope this help. Lots of luck. SD
It is nerveracking but what can you do....just be glad she can still speak, that's what I think about it.
Almost three years ago Venice Kichura wrote an article titled "How To Talk to Your Elderly Parent Without Losing Your Mind." As I understood it, it's extremely difficult to deal with a parent whose memory's shot, seems stuck in a time warp, keeps asking the same questions over and over, and still tries to feel useful by helping around the house.
It's not easy, and there's very little you can do. Because you love her deeply and respect her as a parent, eventually you'll realize that life is much harder for her than it is for you. In the meantime, hang in there. Keep praying for strength ... and wisdom. It'll come.
My thoughts are with you, and don't be a stranger now.
-- ED