My father, who is almost 50 years old, has become so mean that no one in our family can stay with him for more than 5 minutes. He judges our eating, our shapes, our clothes, our behaviour and he has become aggressive with our relatives.
Every single day he gets in an argument with our mother and he thinks that he's always right even though he is not!
One day we were having a dinner with my mother's family when he started to judge each one of them and disrespect them.
He has and will always be the one that i love most so i really want to help him.
But each time I ask him what's wrong, he explains it to me but i just get more confused on what i should do to help him.
He told me that he's not happy with his life. That he's depressed.
And when i ask him about the reason he just says that he doesn't know.
Please i really need someone's help.
By the way, he has some problems with sleeping. He always wakes up early. I mean so early that he waits for the sun to rise for more than 3 hours.
Does your dad have access to a therapist he can talk to? Sometimes the health plans have mental health coverage included.
Some things can't be discussed with a son or daughter (sexual problems, marriage problems, money problems, etc.)
Tell him that the therapist is like a doctor for the mind.
Many men can't accept therapy because they don't want to appear unmanly. But is it worth looking manly to have your family fall apart?
Good luck.
On another subject, I read recently and was blown away to find out it was credible, was that contrary to what I've always heard and believed, depression has NOT been shown to be caused by a chemical imbalance! !! Look it up. It's infuriating and scary realize how much the pharmaceutical industry influences our beliefs.
He tells you he is depressed. Depression is a terrible disease. I don't think it can be cured but it definitely can be treated! Is your father getting any treatment for it now? When you ask him why he is depressed he doesn't know. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain and it may not be "caused" by something specific in the person's life. Treatment usually includes getting the chemicals back in balance through medication, seeing a counselor for a while, getting enough sleep, getting at least some exercise, and perhaps using special lights for a period each day. Vitamin D is sometimes needed. I think all the treatment plan will be easier to implement if Dad is getting enough sleep, which is why I'd start there.
You say that your dad is 49? That must be so alarming to you to see this happening.
Of course, there could be many causes for his personality changes. Definitely, depression can produce these symptoms. It can be difficult for someone to admit to depression, there is such a stigma about it.
Are you able to privately speak with your dad and tell him your concerns? I would keep the focus on "I" statements rather on "You" statements in order to avoid him feeling defensive. Such as: I am so worried about you, dad. It seems like you are unhappy and I love you and want to help.
My goal for that conversation would be to ask him to see his doctor to discuss these changes you are seeing. It would be especially helpful for you to go to the doctor with him so that you could give your perspective. I do not know the nature of your relationship, so you would have to decide if that is something you both would be comfortable with-you needn't be in the room for any personal exam, just there to fill the MD in on your observations and then you can give your dad his privacy.
Are there other concerns? Is he forgetful? Does he seem disoriented at times? Is he having headaches or other physical symptoms? Does he snore at night? Possibly sleep apnea is an issue and that prevents restful sleep, we all know sleep deprivation can make people feel terrible and irritable.
Many of these issues can be symptoms of severe depression, but can also be symptoms of other problems such as early onset Alzheimers or dementia, or even of brain cancer.
I am not saying these things to alarm you.
But personality changes should be taken seriously, and whether it is caused by depression, anxiety or another illness, this needs to get addressed.
Unfortunately, his behavior is probably creating distance between him and the other people in his life. So no one wants to risk the verbal abuse to investigate it. You are brave and loving to be willing to do it.
Try and get some support for yourself, and speak with your dad.
I wish you all the best. Feel free to reach out if any of us can help you.
Margaret
Later on to help keep a UTI at bay, cranberry juice can help.