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Daughter52, my heart sinks for you. I've just overheard my mother telling the district nurse that she is lucky to be able to manage everything by herself at her age. She sounded so sweet and plucky! I'm sure the nurse half thought "ah bless..!" and half thought "yeah right I've heard that one before." We got it all ironed out in the end.

Same goes for the emergency services, social workers (did she remember to call the coast guard?!) and everyone your mother rousted out last night. Those who haven't been in our shoes will have thought "how could anyone be so wicked and cruel as to leave this poor sick little old lady all on her lonesome?" Those who have, will have thought "pull the other one, lady, it's got bells on."

And the rearranging the furniture, isn't it amazing? That same helpless little infant who can't cut up her chicken leg is suddenly hefting sofas about. What a shot of adrenalin will do, eh?

I've pretty much given up on our local Friday night at the pub, and instead invite people who do go regularly to join us for supper on their way; I still don't get to the pub, but at least I do glimpse friends every so often. And if I really have to go out and leave mother unattended, I stick a post it note on the front door forbidding anyone to knock at it and giving my cell phone number in case of emergency.

I think in general that letting local officials and emergency services know the score will help. Of course you still want them to respond to actual emergencies, but not to false alarms. I agree that it's incredibly difficult to get the balance right.
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Last night, at the last minute I decided to go to my friend's house for Tuesday nite gathering. It only happens twice a month and felt like I could and needed to get out. I used to go regularly but I often can't due to staying with mom. But I felt like things were ok and done here (i.e meals given, meds given, signs put out, told here where I would be etc). In hindsight, I maybe should have listened to that small voice that said, "stay home", but I didn't.
My evening with friends was lovely and I get up to go around 9pm and check my phone. There are 2 messages from two of my brothers telling me that mom had called 911 telling the dispatcher that I had gone out and didn't give her the evening insulin shot. It was, of course, not true as I had given it before I left. So since 911 was called, the sheriff got involved who, in turn, called me. Mom told the sheriff that she hadn't seen me (her daughter) all day---also not true as I had been with her all day including taking her for a short ride and listening to the rain together. So I had to call the sheriff's office back to straighten that out.
I headed home angry because I knew now that I would not be able to leave her alone anymore and have these evenings out. I also felt a little embarrassed by it all because I feared people might have thought that I was a lousy caregiver. Or....that on some level mom had pulled this shennanigan on purpose because I left her for the evening. Which isn't true but I was really caregiver-exhausted. I have really tried hard to do the right thing for her all along and it has been a trying road lately watching her get worse and demanding more and more of my time. Actually, I really didn't want to go home at all.
I get in my door and the house is dark and she is in bed sleeping (at least I think she is). I notice that she has scooted our heavy loveseat in front of the sliding glass door (Her increasing paranoia). Now this is a lady who grunts and groans at every movement sometimes. She does have a little arthritis but I notice that the 'grunting' becomes more pronounced when she wants attention or when someone is watching. But she sure didn't have trouble moving that big piece of furniture last night.
So now I think that big changes have to be made. Either I can never leave her alone again and possibly hire respite care when I need to go out (don't know how that will work when I have a job to go to) or it is time to find assisted living that is affordable for her. This night was definitely the turning point.
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Yeh i know someone on this site with something up her a**? oh you know who i mean captain!! hope she gets it out before she ends up a lonely old boot eh?
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cap not every woman is materialistic? i meet guys like this too its not easy but my soulmate is on his way just have to look after mum first then he.ll just arrive at the right time!! happy days ahead!
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moderators ; hope you kept ashley around tonight to keep me out of trouble . shes pretty sweet . carol is nice but shes got the bad cop role of a stick up her azz . its ok , i get it ..
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nope !!
not curious . there are nice people everywhere its just that a school dropout at the age of 15 can only relate with the highest intellect of women . it isnt going to be easy .. they were taught corporate success . ive learned old school, living a life you can and should be proud of . money is a necessity but shouldnt be a goal .. its unnerving and sad . the people in the mcmansions are pissin up a rope . ( moderators , kaz gets by with this language , i should too . )
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Ok cap ive done a reading do not tell me youre not curious?
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angel chaumel is a wuss . i have screening devices in place . the gal who sees those for what they are is gonna have a verbal contract till death parts us .
d*mn , cant believe a wuss rock song means so much to me but olyvia newton johns " let me be there " means a lot to me ..
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Cap if you hang on i have some white sage here and can do a quick reading for you! whats the harm! can see when and if your soulmate is around or on her way?
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Youve a great emotional intelligence Cap and thas something alot of people dont have i cant really be bothered with people who dont have it which is why i chose my friends wisely everyone is messed up in some way the a**holes dont want to believe it and the others know they were messed up have dealt with it and move on and can show empathy for everyone its a gift! And im just glad im not thick!
youre not messed up Cap you just need a good woman who gets you! Ask angel Chaumel to bring her to you! Hes already looking for me but the timing aint right yet!
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hahahaha,
i leave my behavioral therapist in tears of laughter . we love each other ..
doc L . my god shes hot ..
she just wrote in my va records that im the most physically and emotionally fit as shes ever known me in 5 yrs . i aint doin that bad for a person who just went thru death by insanity with my mother ..
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your a fn train wreck kaz . people annoy me too but some of it stems from my own angst . i medicate . just strategically took a tramadol . dont let the ac moderator shift change go down so routinely tonight . i think youll need an extra. kaz and i are going to end up fistfighting . ( spoiler ) she ends up hogtied with her own socks ..
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No you cant forget the past and move on until the past dies and leaves you alone! when mum goes im going to start living again 44yrs of crap only to be listened to over and over again!
When i was in therapy for my childhood issues the therapist broke down and asked me to help him!! Healer heal thyself!
Was messed up at 4yrs had it all sussed at 5 and a half yrs just went to therapy for fun then realised these guys are more messed up than me ALLELUIAH im cured!! yep you think you got it bad until you meet some really messed up people!! My ex husband being one!! Like i said there are none so blind as those that will not listen!
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Cap speak for yourself! im only 48 and already ive got it sussed im not messed up everyone i know is an a**hole!!!! (present site accepted of course).
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kaz, most people casually vent here . its clear you and i need serious therapy . wed need to forwarn the neighbors and cops that ther'd be yellin and a lot of profanity ..
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HA!!!!!!!!!!!! you guys are not going to believe it BUT my bro just rang hes a musician mainly Irish but hes not getting many gigs SO hes only gone and applied for a CARER!!!!!! Go bro! hes a hoot and will be good with old people they were quite impressed from posh boarding school to army then music? i hope he gets some work hes not doing too well with work! they will let him know but from what he says looks good!
I cant stop laughing! i told him NOT to call me anymore if he gets it i really dont want to hear any more about his clients!! STACKED UP HERE!!
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Mums just informed me that shes lost her hearing aid AGAIN! ok dont panic she hasnt been out of the house in 2wks SO they have got to be somewhere RIGHT? yeh deep breaths ill find them pray to St Anthony bet hes sick of me by now!

So stressful theres always some crap to make your day of course if she wore the blood things this woudnt happen but oh no they are in a box or a basket or another bag SOMEWHERE?
Need a drink! If i dont find them A shes going to drive me buggy with the volume on TV. B she has to travel 20 miles to have yet another mould of her ears then the six to nine weeks wait for them to get here but hey they are FREE! and C my brother will disappear until she gets it back again he has zero patience oh but HEY hes in denial!!!! Mums fine bro? this is the 4th one shes lost in 2yrs?
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57twin my brother had a cataract and had this proscedure done he was fine after and has no problems now! I have good eyes as i swear by wearing sunglasses in any sunlight even in winter but a good pair no point in scrimping when it comes to your eyes! i am the only one in family that dosnt have glasses yet? but then maybe its my dads genes he only started wearing glasses in his late 60s!
Blueberries are very good for your eyes a handful a day but they are quiet expensive here but i get them when i can!
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Captain glad you have a saw that works well now for you. hubby has 2 my dad's old one and a another he bought new about 3-4 yrs ago. We should be set on firewood for next couple years just a lot of stacking to do. We bought a lot of land about 10 years ago farmland all rented and the woods were logged last winter so plenty of leftovers from the loggers to keep up busy making firewood this winter.
My whine - my vision my cataract t must be getting larger or whatever they do it's going to be a long month+ before surgery. Also lots of road construction-it's the season for it and no one pays attention to the lower speed limits in construction zones and people drive about 2 inches from my bumper as I drive the limit. It you are in a hurry it's not my problem!
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cap you NEVER whine!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL
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Captain give us a smile!! want to see what job the dentist did? got my own teeth looking pearly white 3wks ago and they are back to smoking grey again!! Have to stop smoking!
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i dont want no d*mn chocolates kaz . when im bored i like to play with the box the kids came in ..
hey moderators ; over here -- a free-be ..
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oh well . traded my new saw in for a workhorse of a saw but a slightly used one . it locked up in my hands in 20 minutes . it was just the pullstart recoil mechanism and the shop will repair it for free . still a bit of a kick in the a** . im not whining because i know that anything worth doing sometimes takes multiple tries .
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My BIG whine!! ( i know not like me to whine!!!!) LOL

Today i thought was going to be a good day? sun was out (and its payday) so before i went shopping i put on a big WHITE wash of my clothes ( i do not mix mums clothes with mine but why bother?) came home and went to take in my nice CLEAN clothes at first i thought those bloody birds BUT NO! there was poo all over them yeh mum must have had poo on her hand and touched them sorry to be so graphic but i feel sick! I know gross! i could see the evidence as her pjs were in the sink soaking so she must have had it on her hands and then went and was touching the clothes on the line? LIKE YOU DO WHEN YOURE NUTS!
So mad but i know its not her fault its just so gross! NOW WHAT ask my friend if i can use her clothes line OR get a washing machine and dryer for my bedroom???

Hey lets see if we can go just ONE day without a whine?? then the winner gets a box of chocolates????
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Oh Sallie i know its tough but let them go fc.k them! Its been 3wks since my sis was home and only one phonecall since? i could actually have buried mum by now and they wouldnt know?

FF good on your mom 96 bless her gosh if my hearing only starts to go at this age ill be happy!! mums hearing went 3yrs ago and its getting worse and shes only 77?
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Well today was the first time I noticed that my Mom [96] was confused.... oh my gosh, and here I was hoping she would remain sharp until the end of time.

I believe part of the confusion was that Dad was in the hospital overnight last week because of a fall and now he needs physical therapy at their home, thus strangers in the house, and plus my Mom's hearing has become much worse even with her using an updated hearing aid. Plus she can barely see. OMG why on earth are they both still living in their single family 3-story home !!!!

This morning I was telling Mom I made an appt with their primary doctor to see her and Dad.... Mom doesn't want to go because she can't hear, thinking the appt was only for Dad's fall.... once again I mentioned it's her and Dad's semi-annual physical.... she still either didn't understand or couldn't hear me.

Then she was worried about their car, the battery keeps dying... my significant other and I have it all worked out on how to get the car to the mechanic next week... told her don't worry about it.... we can use another car to get her and Dad to the doctor appt.

Mom did perk up when I said I will get her grocery list this afternoon.... then she was acting like the old Mom I knew.
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Big f-ing whine! It has been exactly 2 months to the day that any of my 4 siblings have seen my mother! F-ing ingrates!
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Made the effort to let the social worker come out yesterday as I want to work with these folks so Mama gets the full benefit of Hospice. Sitting here talking with her, NOT complaining, NOT blaming anyone else for ANY of the issues that go along with the territory and out of the blue she starts telling me I might want to sell Mamas furniture in an estate sale (to make way for my belongings) that I might want to find homes for my cats , etc. etc.... I have decided that she MIGHT want to not worry about coming back. It is so strange to me that a social worker would engage herself in my personal business when I had said nothing about needing money, space, etc. and in fact had already told her I was doing great, losing my house was not an issue any more to me, etc.....it seems like some folks can't stand it if they think you are actually OK with circumstances....Go figure.... My heavens...If I can accept it...why on earth would other folks whom it is not affecting want to start up mess over it....
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wellll, hellbound .
haveta go get my teeth cleaned today . i guess thats why i worked sat and sun , to cover the lost workday . gotta trade up one of my chainsaws . its new but lacking the horsepower i need . gonna get skint on this deal .. takes a long time to make up a loss cutting wood for 10 bucks an hour ..
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Owwww, Veronica - hope it's settling down? How do you get on with antihistamines? - if they don't knock you out too badly would they be worth a try? Wish you better - one of the little sods came up and stung me on the lip when I was weeding last year (so much for they only attack if you start it!) and I can still feel it. Little brutes.
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