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Love the pic Captain! :)
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Oh Lord...as if being stuck 24/7 at home, having to watch some of the crapola they come out with for summer TV is almost mindnumbing...Tonight's fare is The Quest....I walked into the den, just having finished cleaning up yet another diarrhetic episode and getting yet another load of laundry going to hear one of the characters, all dressed in medieval garb, say...."If though makest a mess, it shall be ye who cleaneth it up"...I thought to myself...must be a show about medieval caregivers....
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I think you Mom spoke words of wisdom....part of my big regret in this life is that because of exactly what is going on now...which I have also done all of my life...now Mama, before it was my Dad...although that was a long distance issue but I lived out of a suitcase...so just as I reached the point in life where I was interested in having a family, life happened...the marriage never happened, and neither did the children...I am the end of the line other than my brothers two boys who NEVER come to see Mama either....sometimes the regret is too overwhelming. I know that i am where I need to be...today has just been harder than others...but there are those moments where I wonder what life might have been if I had just been a little more concerned about myself....and not always putting everyone elses happiness before my own...I don't feel like a good person..I don't feel like a martyr either...I just feel like a fool.......
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hope22,
my mother always told me youd meet the movers and shakers and glamor queens / kings on their way back down . in 80 years shed just seen it happen a lot . ive known two residential builders who had their name almost in lights a decade ago . one died at 45 , the other wiped out so hard he even lost his own home / collateral .. me and the old 51 chevy are still stump jumping on the low road .. hang in there ..
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i dont believe in a next life . i believe we'll be rewarded in this life for caring for our elders . the example it presents to your kids and grandkids is a big return in itself . self centered sibs may not raise the same quality of kids / g kids that you do .. at a point you have to take care of your own ..
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Every now and then it dawns on me that I am spending my entire waking life feeding someone who rarely is able to communicate anymore....and then wait (not usually long) to clean up the resulting explosive diarrhead from it....God forgive me, but at times like this I wonder why I was ever born....or wait...I just answered my own question...meanwhile...all the rest of my d*mn family lives their lives to the fullest and I do mean fullest.....
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Two words ..... explosive diarrhea
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oh dear daughter52! yeh crazy crap!! mum asked me why im so tanned the other day and asked if i was taking something? im just back from a sun holiday? its scary stuff!
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Crazy crap.
So I worked alot this morning. I have multiple tasks in a day. First, I take care of a house and dogs for people out of town. This is at 6:30 a.m. Finished and came home at 7:30 a.m. Mom is now up and I took care of pills, her shower, her clothes, her breakfast and her walk to the clubhouse (up the street) and exercise class.
Got to housecleaning job at 9:30 and started work. Slaved and worked til noon. Then went to take care of dogs again. Got home for lunch at 12:50.
Mom had apparently just napped and was eating her Meals on Wheels. We chatted for a bit. She talked about her napping, her teeth, my job, and misc things and asked 3 or 4 times what time it was. I told her. She always is stunned at the time of day when I tell her.
I fixed myself some lunch and then went in my room at 1:30pm. I did some work on my computer and then went in the kitchen to clean up my dishes. Talked chit chat with mom and then came back in my room. I got into my lounge clothes and lay on my bed, read my book a little and closed my eyes just for a little bit.
I awoke about 45 minutes later (so..it's about 2:45ish) and stretched and got on my computer again. At 3:10, I hear my cell phone ring and the called ID says it's Mom. I stare at it and wonder why the heck she is calling me in my room from the other room. She never hardly ever calls me on my phone unless I am out and she needs something. So I go out in the kitchen and find her sitting at the phone. I ask her, "Why the heck are you calling me"? She looks up at me with this kind of haughty, nasty look and says, "Well, I didn't know you were home".
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Today was the mother of all explosions. It began at six am. Id heard someone walking around in the diningroom before 5 am. By six, my father knocks on my door telling me to come upstairs. I thought my children or their guest had done something. He starts in with "I called your sister..." as soon as he said that I exploded. He woke me up out of a sound sleep to talk about my sister and the fact that he called her and there was a smoke alarm going off in her hotel room. He told me to call the hotel she was in and see if that was true For the next two hours there was a screaming match all because a document my sister printed had the title of "Mrs" (an error) instead of Ms. My father was shouting and screaming that she married her boss. He threatened to call her boss and "get to the bottom of things" Meanwhile my children had a friend sleeping over. Well at least she got to witness what truly goes on instead of thinking Im exaggerating. He later had the nerve to share his "theories" with the HHA and had the nerve to look at me and tell her "Im going to take your advice" This is a horrible situation to deal with every day.
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Sis empties old rice into plastic bag to throw. This was yesterday morning. I came home after work and she leaves the sealed bag on the kitchen sink. This morning, I just can't stand seeing it there. I picked it up and just threw it in the trashcan beside me. An observant poster here made me realize that sis is doing that"passive-aggressive" thing... and I'm falling for it. Time for me to come up with a game plan.
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Caregiving is hard! cargiving when your head is a bag of frogs is utter TORTURE!!
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Kazz good for you! If you're drinking remember to eat and you won't feel half so awful ... so they tell me (wink).

Looloo all I can do now is go with the flow. When I went yesterday and insisted she had lunch and wheeled her to the table she was all smiles - a life long narc, she was the centre of attention dontcha know. She's been refusing lunch for ages but if I ran down there every day and made a big song and dance about it she'd go every day. She's always been one to do the helpless thing, use FOG for all it's worth, create chaos, and expect others to pick up the pieces and make everything wonderful for her, though it would never be good enough.

I shan't go back for some time as it so unhinges me. As I told her some time ago "Either put on some big girl panties and get on with it or lay in your bed and rot until you die - your choice". I suspect she'll continue to refuse food unless she's the centre of attention, which of course won't happen, She eats next to nothing and drinks little ... her choice. You can't save someone from themselves. I refuse to enable her.
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Until next week!
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Had a great night out with my friend went for dinner then back to hers for a few drinks anyway ended up being a few too many!I am not well at all! I am never ever ever ever ever drinking again!!!!
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Ashlynne, sigh ... sad when you think a simple thing might cheer her up, and it's no longer possible.
I have to tell you -- my own mind went off on a funny tangent when I read this. I thought of that scene in A Christmas Story, where the father reads the box containing his "special award," and he thinks it's Italian because written across the box is "FRA-GI-LE." Hope it's not wrong for sad situations to sometimes conjure up a funny memory. It happens to me a lot, actually.
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I'm sorry, Captain. What a horrible thing to happen.
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Fought the urge to give in to the pain in my leg and side yesterday and got the lawn raked, then mowed and even worked my way into the flowers and got the bulk of the "non fun" stuff done....NOW I can tweek and make it pretty again....raoming around the yard this AM with coffee in hand admiring my hard work.
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I love that Captain......you show up, you care and you're there....Lord I wish a LOT of others folks would take notes.....
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My mother desperately wanted a radio so I got her a boom box with big buttons on the front and showed her how to use it. When I visited yesterday it was on the floor in the corner because "It's no good, it's all in Italian". Um, I put an Il Divo CD in it, which she loves, but she's pushing the CD button instead of the radio one. No point in explaining or showing her again as her mind is too far gone now. Oh well, I tried.
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i figured out why edna and i arent allowed to truck ride . when i bailed a couple weeks ago and forced pia to care for edna while i went to chi , the sweetest nephew in the world became the devil in person who had been seen with a cup of beer in his hand at IL . just a worthless drunk . IL now knows the real story as does aps , etc .. i think their trust can be rebuilt its just a slow process .
goin to see my aunt / cut wood . worthless drunk 2014
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Captain if that's not caring I don't know what is. Isn't that the point? - that even when there isn't anything practical you can do to help you still turn up and pay attention? Hug, if no actual grope x
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home from chicago. realized on the drive home that im no longer a caregiver , remote or otherwise . aunt is in NH and now im just a visitor . ive seen this play out before . the rest of ednas family will get sparse around there , especially PIA . they are free at last . im going to visit her every day because shes done as much for my emotional state in the last year as ive done for hers . we needed each other , still do .
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Sallie, I understand your feelings...My SIL has not been to see Mama since Easter of 2012....to me that is totally inexcusable. Mama was always so good to her and she knows it...never had a cross word or a hurt feeling between them...I have no idea why people act this way, they ought to be ashamed...but if they were ashamed then they wouldn't act that way in the first place...
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My whine is on August 5th it will be two months since my sister has seen my mom. I hate her!
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Careful with the groping cap, I bite! rofl
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57twin, I don't know if this will help put your mind more at ease regarding rentals.... landlords have to wait to get repair done for the rental property no differently with the wait time that a regular homeowner has to wait.

Water coming into the rental, be it basement or attic, can be very time consuming trying to find the cause. I am in my second month of trying to fix a basement water issue at a small commercial building I manage.... repair companies try something new and we have to wait until the next heavy rain to see if it was a success.... if not, back to square one.

Some landlords will charge an extra months rent for any lease that is broken before the lease expires. As for the utility bill, how long did your Dad live at the rental before he moved? Even though your Mom's name was on the bill, your Dad was stilling using the utilities until he moved out. Once he moved, than the customer becomes the landlord.

Hopefully all your questions will be answered and you can close that chapter.
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i wanna know why kaz gets by with cussin on here more than i do and often without even asteriks applied . this is some kind of cultural or sexist f ' n bulls*it and i plan to get to the bottom of it . maybe she doesnt have an appointed personal moderator like i have ..
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grope hug . man im IN !!
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You're right hope, there IS a reason behind all of this. One day we will come to understand it, for now, we take it one day at a time and just do our best. Remember those three C's ? We can't Control this. We did not Cause this and.... and...uh oh, I forgot the third C? Anywho you get the point. Like you, I had a lot of anger and I do mean A LOT of anger. It was consuming me. Truly, I think I hated everyone around me and even those great friends I left in Florida. I either deleted them or stopped talking to them. HOW UNFAIR life was that I was stuck in the house for 2 years and their life continued?!?! I deleted my brothers, even my own son. I was Angry at it all. Then I took back Control of ME. Not my mom, not her illness and not other people. Just me. I felt a peace set in. Got my friends back and chat with them. Heck I wanna have those friends when I emerge from this. The only people I did not let back in my life was my brothers and their families. Nope. They caused me more grief than anything else. Let them live their life and leave us the hell alone is my motto. For the past month it has been lovely

I guess the moral of my story is.... let some of that anger go, do some of those things you love doing. Especially outside where you can absorb some vitamin D !! If your mom is bed bound she should be okay for a short bit while you enjoy your outside zen. Once you find your inner peace it will make the rest of your time with mom so much nicer and you'll have all those wonderful memories.

Like Ash said, lightning bolts will surely hit those dolts!!

((((hugs)))
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