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Susan ive read that they become afraid of water? its advised to run a luke warm bath for them and have all thier towels soap etc.....nearby so they know what they are doing? also the bath is not too full half fill it? ive tried this with mum and the first time she seemed happy that it was all organised for her? maybe give it a try? mum washes everyday at her sink and is bathing once a week so not too bad yet? but i am just honest with her when i tell her politely "you smell" she will go and have a bath! OK so then she comes down nice and clean with her depends hanging down her leg BUT shes had a bath lets not push it eh?
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apparently she has GREAT patience with MOM??????? maybe she should be waxed and put in a museum for the person who had the most patience with elders bully hoo hoo for her! shes put me in a bad mood hate these martyrs with no real dept and honesty Mmmmmm would i love my life back OR clean up pee and poop all day? Mmm thats a hard one oh what a terrible daughter i must be?
Sorry needed to rant really get pissed by this BS. Must be so great to have normal cutsie elders?????????wtf.
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kazzaa, some people don't realize we are not all the same age, with the same health, with the same cookie cutter elder parents.

I know I whine about driving my parents but I do have a reason to whine... I hate to drive.... I get panic attacks.... it makes me physically exhausted. That isn't the case with everyone else, we are all different with different levels of patience, different personalities, etc. I wish others would remember that.
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My whine is MAGGIE MARSHALL??????? who the hell is this witch? shes doing a great job with her mom bully for her she just told me to back off if im not looking after mum AS A GIFT? who are these a@#holes on here who think they are do-gooders and when we rant and cant cope we should all just run away and leave mum to family? boy did she piss me off but theres always a few on here isnt there? you know the martyrs who think we are bad people because we rant and are honest at not coping with living with a mad person? or maybe im mad? get really sick of these "holy joes" piss off and give some real advice and dont come on here and tell us HOW WELL youre coping with MOM! BS
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My whine is the usual tonight. The shower. So far this week, I've been able to keep her on the every other day shower schedule. Last week she went 5 days without one, and went round and round with her about it every day.

Come September, I am shelling out $800 to have the tub cut down so there's an opening for her to get in and out without having to step over the tub. And you better believe that every time she fights me on the shower, I am *going* to remind her that the tub was made accessible for a reason. I think if she had her way, she wouldn't shower until then. (sigh)
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Well my mums mum was very ill with kidney problems and died young so my mum being the eldest had to do it all from an early age so youd think shed understand but with the dementia they become self-centered she was never like this! she has no idea how much hard work she is its her constant moaning i cant take anymore it dosnt matter whats done for her she will have a moan BUT she was always that way the illness just made that worse!
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You're right, Kazzaa.... we do get advice from those who have never been a Caregiver.... even my parents give me advice, and they never cared for their own parents :P
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Well FF i suppose he comes from a fairly "normal" family and like alot i know people just assume its not badness its just people dont know how hard it is or what peoples situations are!
I get it all the time "well you cant do this alone where are your brothers and sisters surely they HAVE TO help? then im too embarrassed to tell them what a selfish family i have as its a small town and it would get around in no time and ive enough shit without people talking about what a lousy family i have and looking at me with pity!!
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When my significant other was asked to fly out of town, by his manager, for an extended period of time, he refused citing that he is helping me with my aging parents [92 and 96] who still live in their own home....

His manager said "can't other family members help?... how about their church?".

My whine is why do other people assume everyone comes from a large family of siblings and grown children who live in town? And why do they assume we or my parents belong to a church? Neither I nor my S/O have any of the above.
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Capn stop your "whining" we all work like two borrowed mules everyday 24/7 with no freedom!!
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Cap you might have worked like a borrowed mule today but your acting like an old crotchety one!!!!!
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hope22 I am so happy that you found a dentist to come. It's good to know that there are still good, honest and caring people around.
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Its the WHINING THREAD, cap, surely you're making a joke? Lol! I'm back in South Holland, btw, darn bully older bro sent me running home. Hard to stay with someone like him, who even looks at me like I am "less than." That's my whine.

And looloo, JessieBelle, I understand about the scams. Its a shame there isn't more regulation to prevent companies, mail order stuff, home improvement contractors, all of it, from targeting elderly. I find it telling that one of the biggest abusers of this sort of thing, at least in my house, is the AARP themselves! They send my dad monthly "renewal" notices and cards for "new memberships." My father tells me he has sent them money several times but they keep sending new cards, saying he needs to send money. Hm. It just doesn't look good when the AARP is engaging in this sort of predatory mailings, too.

I've signed this house's phone number up for "Do Not Call" list but there are still regular calls to try and sell home monitoring, home safety, call buttons - that sort of thing.
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i work like a borrowed mule all day , come home and have to listen to all this whining . maybe ill go find the cooking thread and tell em about my salami sandwiches . theyre not so dam downtrodden over there ..
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Well, be careful what you ask for...lol.....others on here have heard me whine about hospice. And I absolutely KNOW they are great about so many things, but as some of you know I finally changed providers, was soooooo excited as they roared in with all the bells and whistles and all the promises of what they were going to do....some of it did happen, right at the first, but now...has been almost an entire week and had a bathing aid one day this week (monday) although they had said they would be coming in the morning from now on, because that is what they promised...anywhooooo, the main thing that made me change providers was the seeming lack of concern over my Mama's dental issue, specifically the loose tooth, as it appears the broken one may not be an issue, nonetheless, they were "on top of it" "working on it".."getting it done"...long story short...no further than we were this time last week...in short, there is not a dentist in this small southern town who wants to deal with it, one even went so far as to say they did not think it would look good to have an elderly patient come in on a gurney...and besides they are covered up with their younger patients getting them ready for school...well...ok.....I have worried and worried that this tooth is going to come out during a time when I am not sitting right here and Mama will swallow it and choke to death....BUT today I remembered our old family dentist, who has now passed, but his son assumed his practice. I called his office for what reason I am not sure but I have to believe the angels were on Mama's side . We were talking and I had not even asked him, when suddenly he told me, "let me just come out to your home and see what I can do".....OMG.....this amazing professional is what I would have hoped most professionals would be but are far too often not anymore...so he is headed this way to see what he can do to help her before the weekend...and I only called him this morning...I am exhuberant... got Mama all changed and ready so after she can just take her afternoon nap....oh thank you Lord...this has been driving me out of my mind....
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JessieBelle -- scammers, don't get me started on scammers! We're lucky that nothing awful has happened yet, but they're EVERYWHERE. Several times a week in the mail, I rip up magazine subscription 'invoices' which aren't even invoices. Someone at the bank convinced my mother last week to open up a line of credit! I cancelled it the minute the letter arrived. Last year, another jerk salesman tried to sell my mom solar panels, plus financing. AND, I strongly suspect that the air conditioning company sold her a brand new unit ($$$) when she may well have not needed a new one, but I don't know that for sure. My mother's no longer online anymore, thank goodness for that, because she's received a few very tricky phishing emails that I had to re-read a few times to make sure they actually were scams. It's never ending, how vigilant we have to be.
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You do just that Me1000 !! :)))

Kaz... this will be my 3rd winter in Oregon. Every winter I swear that I am going to pack mom up and winter back in Florida. Sigh. So far that hasn't happened. Lack of sunshine just about kills me during the winter. Winters are the WORST!
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JeanetteB, your right :) We are all here for the same reason, and Im going to just jump in I guess and make myself at home everywhere here and try to help anyone I can.
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my whine is mum wont stop whining? getting sick of it! from the minute she gets up shes giving out, the usual crap cleaning lady didnt do this and that its so draining and hard to live with she is so bored with her life that all she can do is whine? you just cant make this woman happy and am done trying shes so negative it just sucks the life out of you. Im sure NORMAL people would be so happy to wake up to a clean house with everything done but NO not mum she has to whine,whine,whine am so pissed off with this! and rain is coming so summer may be over for us soon how depressing looking after mum was bearable in good sunshine as i was outside all the time and shes too hot to come out so i had a bit of peace! i will have to find an outlet a pilates class or something or i may not survive the winter here!
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I like this thread because it gives us a chance to vent about the little things that drive us crazy. I don't like to start a new thread about every little thing, so I usually don't write anything. I would clog up the board with all the things.

My whine today is about the air conditioning again. Mom closes off the vents, then complains about the house getting too hot in the afternoon. Surely we must need to replace the system! I know the system is working because it is freezing in my rooms with the open vents. So I open her vents. Then she turns off the air conditioner at night and closes her vents, so I wake up to a warm room. It is a never-ending quest to keep the temperature right here. She won't leave the vents and thermostat alone. If I covered the thermostat box, she would take a hammer to it, so that isn't a good idea. Besides, she could still close the vents.

Last week someone called about looking at our air conditioner. She made an appointment with him, even though our system is under contract. She didn't know who she made the appointment with, so I couldn't call to cancel. Fortunately, he called back to verify and I cancelled. I looked at the BBB complaints for the company and saw they were scammers. They offer a cheap cleaning deal, then tell old people their systems are bad and need to be replaced. The company called several more times to speak to my mother, not to me. I finally told the man do not call back again. I wonder how people live with themselves, sucking the life blood from the elderly. This scammer is the worst type of human on the planet.
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daughter 52 i haven't heard anyone complain about this thread. The beauty of it is that it is current and people whine about things that are happening today. Some other threads which follow a question someone asked. may be several years old and you don't realize it until you post your answer.
My whine today which is not at all important is that my husband won't use the phone when he needs to check on an appointment, he has to actually go to the Dr's office and ask!
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For those that are sick of this thread, I would like to stand in support of it. It is the one place I can come to when things are stressful. And, yes, I do whine a little but I also get some very helpful comments and advice to get me through.
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( d*mmit ) .
jack me for some weed is not a literal term . its slang for " hit me up " ..
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lol , happy hour . in 5 more years itll be coffee shop with little packets of herb . i say this because an old lady at ednas IL tried to jack me for some weed . i look the part but really dont care for it anymore -- too dam potent ..
im guessing the lady to be 65 + yrs old ..
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Hello all. Missed a few days as my cataract in my left eye must be growing again as vision still sucky! seven weeks till surgery too.
Anyhow took dad back to dentist for his three cavities-yikes expensive! Going to try to wean him off candy and switch to trail mix. Not sure how well he brushes teeth. Dentist suggested I supplement with a rinse which means either that is another task he will need help with in AL or when I see him I will have him rinse then.
I had sent an email to some of my cousins and aunts informing them of dads move to AL. One replied its difficult to know how things are going since mom passed away-hello just pick up the phone and call me.
Though my dad only lived with us for 4 months and I was mom and dads caregiver 3 months before that and I suppose actually going back about a year before they moved- well this week I think I am returning to the land of the living. Still not sleeping well but better, went back to the gym this week-first time since March. Eating less as I was stress eating a lot in June and gained some weight. also in about 3 weeks going back to work 2 days/week at a job I held almost 2 yrs ago.
Dad's AL has happy hour on friday with wine and beer-going to make this a permanent day to visit dad.
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loo - good thinking. Jessie too - We can't save them from all their bad choices - whether is it the appeal your (loo) mother made re driving, or eating sweets (jb). So we try to pick our battles according to what we feel is most important, what is most critical to their welfare, and in the case of driving, the welfare of others. We can't do it all, we can't prevent every crisis, but we can address, at least to some extent, those things that we think are most vital, and have to let go of some things. Even with the things we address, sometimes we will succeed and sometimes we won't. We all are battling the effects of disease - like cancer - sometimes the treatments work and sometimes they don't. There is an ongoing grieving as we see the disease progressing, and our ability to fight it diminishing.
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Abused Adult you need to fill out your profile before others can help you.
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Jessiebelle would it make sense to have some short acting Insulin available so you can cover spikes when Mom gets into something she shouldn't? i would not let Mom get her hands on it but if you have a sliding scale available would that work? she definitely should not take an extra dose of the long acting.
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It was hot water! she had a shower and as she cant hear or wear her aid she wont hear the water running? I could turn water off at mains but would have to leave enough for her to make a cup of tea but i know shell go mad?
she is always leaving the hot water on too which is great for the bills coming in. I feel so sorry for her though as she was upset she left it on. What an awful illness just bloody cruel.
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Barbara51 is the house yours or Mom's?
Can you contact whatever is the association for the blind in the US.There maybe somewhere that he could be placed. he is going to need care for the rest of his life.
Do you actually want either or both to be living with you? If not tell your useless siblings that you have done your best but can't continue and you will be looking into placement for both of them. Do you have POA? It sounds as though both would do better in a supervised living situation where they would have the opportunity to engage in activities if they wish.
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