I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Like my mother's gardeners. They don't call me back, they don't do what needs to be done. When I was whining to my husband about it, he was so angry, he advised me not to do the work that they should be doing. But the problem won't be solved that way, and I don't have time to let them go, then find replacements, and so on. So I just make the 6 hour r/t drive, take time off work, make several trips to get hundreds of pounds of gravel because I don't have a truck, and do it myself. Sheesh!!!
With so many health issues and continued deterioration, after four years it was clear I couldn't care for her 24/7/365 any more and after a really bad fall (again - 2 a.m.. blood everywhere, called an ambulance) which put her in hospital she went into the NH 18 months ago. Since then she's had another stroke and broken the other hip. She's 88, bed ridden, eats little, can barely speak and the dementia is severe. She's just a shell now, slowly fading away but she's in no pain and mostly sleeps.
She's had the very best of everything her whole life, though she wouldn't lift a finger to help her parents or anyone else for that matter, so she's had a good kick at the can. I don't know how much longer she can continue. Could be days, weeks or even a few months. Just go day by day.
Captain..haha.....now I am a fan of the hair clipping shears myself. I cut Mama's hair all the time...I think you absolutely have the right approach, let em hoot and holler and then when they go do what you want to do to help your loved one and yourself...I also cancelled today's bath appointment..by the time she got here it was going to be right in the middle of mama's nap and so that is zero help..and if it's no help then what's the point...the nursing is great, the provider is great...I can live without the bathing aid unless it's someone who is an actual help...now I feel better....
control freak .. i visited edna today . nurse kindly told me they were going to get ednas bangs clipped out of her eyes next week . mr control freak with the scissors in his back pocket said " thats just great " and smiled in agreement .
we got caught right after lunch . edna sitting perfectly still with her eyes closed and me trimming hair .
" dorreen " gave me free lunch again , nobody was surprised by the hair trim and they all learned what ive been sayin . just work around poa . shes thick between the ears ..
She doesn't hear me, because she refuses to listen. She wants what she wants. Well, guess what? I get to be the evil daughter from h*ll in a few days, and will take her car away before she gets arrested, in an accident, someone gets hurt, she gets sued, etc....
It took me a full day to get up the nerve to call the home care agency and ask the person in charge to please talk to my mother's care giver, and let her know how important it was that she be more 'take charge' and not be intimidated by my mother. If this person is going to be cowed by my mother, then what good will it do to have her there? I'm doing this pretty much long distance, and I am not able to babysit the caregiver (ARGH!).
Don't belittle yourself, Hope, and wrongly label yourself by saying you're a control freak. You've got to have some REAL, RELIABLE assistance from the people you pay. And you need some real downtime for yourself as well. Don't apologize for that.
When did you place your mom? Does her decline seem more rapid in nursing home then when she was home? I think some probably thrive, but like the disease it is different for everyone.
Sharyn, any possibility of finding several someones to cover for you? Anyone who is making part-time hours and would just love to work full time hours - but No Overtime. See first if your work will approve this, though. I can't think of any other options. If you took leave without pay, you might come back without a job. So, that's out.
"She and Dad would get in the car 2 or 3 times a day and hit a couple of different grocery stores and buy a couple of items at each one.
Looloo and ba8alou, I think my Mom is spoiled when it comes to grocery shopping. She and Dad would get in the 2 or 3 times a day and hit a couple of different grocery stores and pay a couple of items at each one. Dad assumes that since I am female that I must love to shop.... NOT !!!!
One time my parents said they wouldn't know what to do if I couldn't drive them.... I said "well, you'll have to hire a taxi, that is what I will have to do since I no son or daughter to drive me" [I never had any children]. Oh well, that went in one ear and out the other.... [sigh]