My "whine moment today." What's yours?

I was feeling like that yesterday, wishing I could have my life back. Oh sure, it is my problem, because I just keep trying and trying to fix something that can't be fixed. Had a meltdown yesterday, when Charles got home from his meeting I went to bed and pulled the covers over my head. And tried to think of something happy to focus on, but couldn't think of anything. Sad. And I wondered what I used to do on the weekends before this. Ah well, it is just a matter of time before FIL has to go to a NH. MIL is annoying but I can manage her. FIL has been doing increasingly bizarre things. Like prowling around the house at night, taking things out of the kitchen drawers and putting them on the table, rattling around in the box with their meds, (Hid those yesterday). I am thinking of getting childproof latches to put on the drawers and cabinet doors. Every day I wake up to some new insanity. I feel like I live in an asylum. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Thanks for listening to me whine,
Christine

Glad to hear you will make more time for yourself.You have to take care of yourself, it isn't a selfish thing to do , and anyone that tells you that, well, the words I would give to for you to tell them that would probably get me banished from this web site.Take your time off, remember at these NH there is a reason that they have shifts of nurses, no human being unless you are a robot can do this caregiving thing 24/7 unless you are wanting to drive yourself crazy.Batteries have to be recharged and so do our minds. I am glad you had a good time.

Yes when i came in the door mum rushed to hug me and PHEWY? she smelt pretty bad! then it all just hits you YEP IM HOME!!!!!!

she was so happy to see me though god love her she was so worried with me flying after that awful crash im only now just seeing it on the news, i make a point of never knowing whats going on when im on holiday as id rather not know!

I want my life back booooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooo

Was so excited to be alone and free that i got up at 7am every morning and did everything i possibly could! it was like i had a week to live!! good thing though made me realise that i have to go away more so am planning a weekend now for my birthday YEP life is very short ill be damned if im going to spend 24/7 caring as my brother will just have to start staying here now. Im going to save every wk and treat myself to a wkend away once every six weeks now it may keep me saine!!

Kaz when you feel the anxiety rising just close your eyes and let your mind wonder back to you sitting at the pool!!! Aaaahh!

Gladimhere! glad youre having a break any break is better than none!! yes its depressing to come back to reality with a bang!

Have a great time and where are you going? somewhere nice i hope!

Kazz, I am so happy to hear you had a good time! I will get my turn next weekend, for THREE days, to worry about what to wear. nOT! Never been much of a wardrobe nut , what's that some about faded blue jeans and a favorite dress? Well anyway, I am sure it is difficult to come back. I know it will be for me.

Good to have you back.

I had a taste of freedom for a week and now i want my life back more than ever? all i had to worry about was what to wear out? oh just BLISS! i mean this is how my life used to be once? how did it come to this?

Yeh will take awhile to get back into carer mode again!

HI!!!!!!!!!! BIG WHINE IM BACK!! DEPRESSION HAS KICKED IN! had a great time now back to smelly clothes and caring again!

Seville is lovely food etc was great BUT it got up to 50 so too hot to walk around spent most time IN the pool!

Home now and its 23 here so im cold! Sister gone today and guess what? shock horror????? Mum was FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh piss off! either my sister is so self obsessed OR shes not very clever to notice mums behaviour?????? given up just do what i can and stuff them!

cat was well looked after so thats good as missed him terribly! he didnt talk to me for a few hours boy was he angry with me for going away!! but he cant keep it up for long and slept at my feet last night!

Mum was a worry guts as she saw the plane crash and couldnt sleep until i came home she was never really like this before must be the dementia?

House is a mess and sister never cleans like i do so lots of washing to do?

Yeh back home so whine,whine,whine!!!!!!!!!!!

Got home this afternoon after my typical 3 hour drive back from my mother's, to work on her yard and tour an AL place. Felt good that I could cross some things off my list, which never gets shorter--whatever task for her I manage to complete is immediately replaced with something else. I check the mail. Evidently, she applied for a line of credit at the bank this week (thanks to the helpful bank employee who must have swooped in and convinced her of this totally UN-NECESSARY thing)! It's not the end of the world, but I do have to call and cancel it.
I happened to be in this same bank today, asking them what I could/should do since she has dementia. They suggested that I get a not from her dr. saying she's no longer competent to handle her finances. So, that's another thing I will do this week. And I'll need to drive down AGAIN as soon as I receive it, to give it to them in person.

My whine for the day. My brother is dying of cirrhosis and won't let me bring my mom to see him :(

l love my mother would call from the NH every day starting at 3 p.m., ranting, raving and picking fights. The stress eventually made me ill and I changed my phone number.

3 and 5?

Sundowners is increased confusion, sometimes aggressive behaviors that start to happen in the afternoon about 4 for my mom and continues until she goes to bed.

3 and 5 is this Sundowners?

Thanks, Captain -- I would use the plastic, but she lives in a desert area, and so it really is just dirt! :)

looloo , i hope your putting the black cloth under the landscape gravel . if you dont the weeds will hop right back up thru the gravel . if your too cheap to buy the cloth , green colored garbage bags works fine . clear ones not so much . they let the sun in and plastic , stone and all head for the sky with weeds pushing it ..

All in all, it's been a productive day. Visited an AL/memory care facility anf put my mother on the wait list, although she will never go unless/until a crisis necessitates it. It looks like a place anyone would would be happy at (but my mother? Lol!).
My only whine is that I am horrible at "eyeballing" things like distance, weight, measurements, etc. I had to work on my mother's landscaping because her HOA gave her a notice to fix things. This is my second time going over to fix her yard. I had to buy a few hundred pounds of gravel, and after putting today's load all over, saw that I STILL didn't get enough. I'm in town overnight, and so will get another load tomorrow and do it again. Maybe the 3rd time will be the charm.

hope, i dont think you can change hospice providers . its a big fat lie . we tried 3 times . maybe im wrong but that was our experience ..

My birthday is next week (turning 46). I have coverage for our aide to watch my mom & my mom is upset that I am going out of town for the day & not staying w/her. #guilttrip She is 93 and I am w/her every single day because she lives with me and I am losing my mind.

My whine moment for today... Can't think of anything. Mom is doing great this week. My sister is visiting for a couple weeks and is staying with Mom and helping her. The weather is only in the mid 90's. Air quality is supposed to be good all week (good news for Moms copd and asthma). No homicides or suicides at work (I work at a prison). When the sun came up I was alive to see it. Life is good.

Veronica...yes, I agree with you and also let the nurse know that all I had been needing and wanting to know was who was going to do it...them or me...I had early on told them I understood if they could not pay for it, but I could not let her sit here in pain and I needed to get on it right away...so they kept saying the team was meeting, they were talking about it, blah blah blah..everything they said indicated they were working on it and then to just waltz in today and say, "what they told me this morning was they could not pay for it " and add if I wanted their social worker to "help me" find an ambulance they would do so...but they would not pay for it...the issue with me is , they sat there and allowed Mama to be in pain for ten days whereas if they had just told me that was not something they would be able to do from the outset, I could have handled it...

Hope the above posted without any help from me.
The transport company would probably have required you to pay for their services as will the dentist unless Mama has Medicaid in addition to Medicare. The principle of hospice is to provide comfort care for patients in their own home or an institution, BUT if a patient is being moved into a NH on hospice there is never any question about the need for an ambulance. You are changing hospices now so it does not matter but don't be afraid to make calls to the nursing supervisor every day or the hospice executive director and to cause the most trouble a letter to the chairman of the board of directors. these are a group of people from the community who meet monthly in a not for profit and often have little idea of what it takes to care for terminally ill patients and can stir up a lot of difficulties. if you described how badly your Mama is suffering with her teeth I guarantee they will all have toothache by the end of the meeting and Mama will be on her way to the dentist the next day. Bring with up when the new hospice comes to visit mama and get a promise she will go to the dentist within two days. Don't tell them she does not have pain tell them she never complains but you are sure how badly it must hurt and show them the blackened stump. in other words play up the negative and that the dentist is demanding to see her without delay.

I wish you luck with your new hospice, lucky you have a choice. Please don't blame your nurse for this she has absolutely no power to make any decisions that will cost the organization money, everything is left to the "team" which may only meet every two weeks. What she could have done was explained this all to you and put you in touch with a medical transport company

2tsnana I visit the nursing home about once a week. Meaner than a rattlesnake life long just about sums my mother up. I'm an only child and no-one visits as she trampled anyone who crossed her path (though my father and I took the brunt of it) and ran off any friends she may have had. The last visit she had from another was four months ago (her birthday) and that same person might (maybe) visit again at Christmas.

Any time I visit there are only one or two cars in the visitors lot, often not one, and this may be for many reasons - distance, work, family responsibilities, that the resident is "out of it" or just plain demanding, mean and nasty. In any event, the staff are wonderful, the place spotless and everyone is well cared for.

My whine of the day is more of a "NUCLEAR" moment....some of you may recall I am the one whose Mama had the tooth that broke off in the gum....while it is impossible for me to assess the level of discomfort, if any, from this, she also has a tooth adjacent to this that is also loose, it has been discovered. She is constantly making faces, trying to mess with it with her tongue and grinding her teeth in that area...she cannot fully convey to me whether it is actually hurting or just aggravating her...I called her dentist who is more than willing to work with us and has been working towards getting her checked out...and all week they have been calling me asking when we wanted to come in..our Hospice provider has been telling me they are discussing it, talking about it, checking into it, etc. etc...this has gone on for over 10 days now....the last contact I had with the office was almost two days ago when I had called, texted, etc. and each call was a little more frantic than the last...finally this morning, the nurse makes her biweekly appearance and informs me she has been told as of this morning they are not going to be able to help us with this but that the social worker would help me coordinate the transfer services but they would not pay for it. OK...so yall have made Mama sit here for over ten days to date when in all honesty I think they knew from the day it happened they were not going to do anything to help us. I told our nurse that all I had been trying to find out for the past ten days was whether they were going to handle through their office, or whether I needed to just handle myself as her dentist had highly stressed she needed to come in and be seen. While Mama is totally bedfast, and on nothing but liquid nutrition, amazingly, her overall health seems to be holding...she is laughing and she is happy...we are not looking at a situation where she is two weeks out from passing. And IMO, to make us sit here for 10 days and then inform us they are not going to do anything to help us but will have their social worker involve herself in the middle of it...NO...HELL NO....I have already contacted a different provider and am in the process of changing Hospice providers at this point. This one has lost my confidence. This is not the first time their refusal to respond to phone calls or texts has caused me to worry, caused our family to worry, etc.. I thought the whole point of Hospice was to make certain the patient is comfortable and also to help the family through the process. I guess there are plenty folks who will disagree with me on this, but I am so damn angry. I have never been as angry in my life. I don't have children so for me, to know that Mama has been lying there for ten days while they have met, talked about, discussed back and forth, and all the while not returned my phone calls is totally unacceptable to me. I hate losing our aid as she is very good and very sweet with Mama...but the other night after our nurse waited til right at the close of the business day and informed me all they were doing was waiting on the dentist to call them...all the while the dentist was calling me saying all they were waiting on was the hospice provider to call them. I let the nurse know that this morning. I am done with these people....For the past couple of months it has felt like they just didn't want to be bothered with us and that Mama was hanging in there a little too well for their liking, so we're outta here. The other provider is already on it, and their doctor is on the way...so whine on the one hand...but yay on the other...I think I should have done this a long time ago.

I ask too many questions...I think my personality needs to know everything. My mom as been in the NH for 18 months ...broke her hip this past March. I am her only child and have been her caregiver in some form for 16 years. She has COPD, CHF, Chirosis, delusional episodes,neurophy, there isn't any organ in her body that functions properly. I am constantly asking questions, I visit her everyday but weekends. I am a only child and the "only" person not paid to visit her. My kids do not have a relationship with her because she has been meaner that a rattlesnake most of her life...now she is just pitiful. I have tried to cut down on the questions and go to "Dr. Google" for answers. I don't know about treatment anymore she has become so frail and I just do not want her to be a rag in a bed or wheelchair out in the hall. She has been more disoriented lately and they wanted to check her for a UTI first I said leave her alone then I talked to the Social Worker and decided to go ahead and let them check her. Her arms and legs were flaky so yesterday I put lotion on them and she hollered and said I hurt her I hardly touched her ...why would her skin be so sensitive? I think there are two kinds of folks with family in NH the ones that never visit and don't ask anything and then there is me...visits all the time and ask questions about everything...truly I believe the staff prefers the first. I know they are busy, but asking questions doens't make me crazy right ????

Wow Camary, you have more patients than I do. I think I would say I would really like to hear your story, but I have something else to do right now.

FreqFlyer, I think it is really normal for older people to tell their stories. I like to think of it as the elders in tribes, how they passed down their knowledge and cautions. I normally don't mind listening, I like elderly people. But FIL has late stage dementia so sometimes the stories are just that, and are kind of like word salad, triggered by something on tv or something that is heard by them. I am a little bit fascinated by how his brain processes or doesn't process things. For instance, he has been going on and on for several days about how he built our house. If I think about it, we have been telling him that our house is his home now. And he did build an addition to his home, long ago. So that connects together somehow. The other day I had the tv on to a car race, he used to like that. But that somehow twisted into that we were going to race the dogs and that he won three million dollars. Oooookay. Anyway, I am learning to filter things a bit. No tv or news shows that are at all upsetting. Which pretty much leaves game shows and daytime talk tv. Anyway, I am already starting to repeat myself so guess it is inevitable. Hopefully there will be people in my life, and yours, that are not annoyed by this!
Have a peaceful day,
Christine

@Veronica, no halo...I think we should be mindful of other people, and if he needs to talk then one thing I can do is listen. I can't fix anything. I called the Alz. support line for caregivers the first night he was doing this. The counselor there talked me down from the rafters and told me about the 'therapeutic umm hmmm" and the 'therapeutic fib". Haha. And to not argue, just to go along. It seems to relieve his anxiety a little if he gets to talk.
Thanks
Christine

Christine you deserve a halo

What I find interesting is that way back when my Dad's father was alive my Dad use to complain about how his Dad would always be telling the same stories that Dad had heard a 100 times..... and now my Dad is doing the exact same thing with his own stories :P

OMG, now I wonder if I will be doing the same thing when and if I reach his age [mid 90's].