I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Of course you are emotional. most people are after major surgery it is just that hospital nurses don't see it. Have a good cry whenever you feel like it and stop doing stuff for mother. Isn't she capable of running her own bath water? By all means go in and help her wash back and feet if she can't reach, but otherwise sit on the toilet and make sure she is safe. Alert hubby before you start so he can check on you from time to time. If there is a problem DO NOT stress your neck you still have a lot of healing to do and the PT will be quite tiring. It is quite enough to get yourself bathed let alone that old witch as well. Hugs and take care.
I still think it's too early for you to be folding even towels! I don't know what your mother's problem is because I haven't followed and I'm hungry right now but I'll look through the posts. Can't she fold towels while sitting down or something? Can she do anything? I see she's on morphine, so don't know what the problem is, but I have to tell you, you are one trooper. Just read about your surgery and ouch! That neck thing with me was so painful I sat at the pharmacy while waiting for the meds watching as older people passed by all stooped and for the first time understood what PAIN was. I cried. That's how bad it was and I can't imagine you not crying. Just let her know how you really feel. So what if it makes her feel bad. Gees, why do we always have to care if our elders feel bad? They make us feel bad at times. And we're supposed to take that? Sure, it's called 'respect for our elders' but some of our elders don't deserve it, quite frankly. Like my MIL once told me, older people are just younger people who got old. They don't change.
I, too, have slammed the door, and said the same thing. "God, I'm so mad!" Then I feel like I've abused her in some way.
You need to get better and this isn't helping. About three years ago, I suffered with spurs growing in my C4/5/6 and T-2whatever along my back. God, that hurt. Pain killers, PT, etc. If I had my mom here, there's no way I could have given her a bath, let alone myself a bath! And I never had surgery like you! Can't even imagine it without some sort of help or without my being alone to take care of ME.
Huge hugs to you. This caregiving thing is a NIGHTMARE.
Glad LinkedIn can be useful but, like any other social media, you need to join some of its groups and participate so you get noticed. I was quite active on it at one time, until care giving sucked the life out of my and consumed my life 24/7. What line of work were you in?
Just as I adjust to changing my schedule to accommodate Mom sleeping longer, then she starts getting up two hours earlier, than she did before the late sleeping! AAARRGH!
I am by no means the perfect caregiver. I am exhausted and worried. And I have to vent when things like this happen. We are trying to get some help during the afternoon to cover the gap. It is hard to get things done like this when we both work full time. Charles took last week off to try to get some things in place. One thing is the POA, which FIL is not wanting. He somehow thinks he is in charge of things. Dementia is something out of my realm. And it is difficult for me to feel like I am the mayor of Crazytown. When FIL starts talking about some thing or the other, he sounds rational at times, and then I find out that what he was talking about never happened. So I just listen, and nod, and go along with him. I am finding that I have a lot more patience than I ever imagined.
Anyway, that is my whine for the day. Right now it is quiet and peaceful.
Bliss.
Christine
How I wished I wasn't an only child and had a sibling willing to drive my parents where ever they wished, got their groceries, took them to their doctor appointments, barber, hardware store, and picked up their mail at their post office box.
I get a similar thing - oh it's so far, oh we're so busy, oh it's so hard to find the time. They can find the d*mn time when it suits them, can't they? - like your relatives can suddenly bounce back to rude health when there's a glass of Champagne in the offing. Fume seethe.
Last time I attempted to take her to day care, which was just to look around, she threatened to find a knife and stab some of the staff. Trust me, they know all about her and will have a plan upon next arrival. She then spent the rest of the day being as mean as she could be, which is pretty darn mean!!
Is there such a thing as a peaceful co existence with an AD parent?
That gash on her arm sounds like she caught the corner of the counter top in the kitchen. I tend to bump into those, myself.... the corner of my desk at work... and the tall foot board at the end of the bed. I need to baby proof the home from me !!
reconnected with edna today at the waters nursing home and right on time i must say . she didnt know if id been gone for 3 hours or three months . just wanted to know where id been . i told her i had to go to chicago and see my grandkids . shes content , knowing ill be by in the morning with the krispy kreeme donut and as always , poa is just a minor irritant .
d*mn , aps done a good job . they used me a time or two but they got edna placed , thats what matters . my hats off to them but ill have to write and tell em they never had me flim - flammed at any moment . this is my second rodeo with the same two caseworkers .
the waters girls recognized me from 6 months ago and fed me lunch . it dont get any better than this . maybe it does . im gonna cut some more firewood and me and ike are going back to chicago . ike heard that s*it , hes only 8 feet outside the door ..
Sent mom to my oldest brothers for a week... mom had been obsessing over her going to day care (attempt # 2) and started having a giant tantrum. I finally called the EMT's, they came, said she wasn't hurt, just upset, had me call my brothers to come get her. They did. Oldest brother's wife apparently had mom duty..
Oldest bro brought her home yesterday afternoon. Mom had one of those purple stretchy wraps on her right forearm, the kind that holds bandages in place. I asked what happened. She fell. I unwrapped it and saw a 10 inch gash running down her arm with at least 20 butterfly band-aid's ... SHE FELL ON WHAT? He only would say she fell while in the kitchen. She hadn't bathed in a week so I gave her a nice long soak in lavender salts only to find big bruises on her from the apparent fall. This morning she is very sore, her back hurts and she has a headache. I am taking her to her Drs tomorrow. She wants to die. Of course she still hates me and says I'm trying to kill her. Both brothers are mad (again) at me because this happens to be the second time they've brought her home bloodied and bruised. Last time she fell down concrete steps and busted her face. I'd had enough and blew several gaskets on them yesterday. They say they're never coming back here. Good riddance.
Today, as soon as I got in the door from work, Dad called, he wanted me to drive him to his primary doctor... already I started to panic and here I wasn't even in the car yet, plus I had an appointment for myself which I probably would have to reschedule.... Dad said had to go to his doctor because the on-line pharmacy wanted him to get a check-up for they wouldn't renew one set of pills. Told Dad to check with his doctor, as we were just there a few months ago. Calls went back and worth. I am still not sure what is going on, but Dad is an adult and he needs to manage his own health needs, I will be just the driver and his set of ears at the doctors. Egads, I am a senior driving a senior :P