My "whine moment today." What's yours?

CM--definitely go with "no frills!" You're probably feeling sore because you're being taken advantage of. A text at 4:00 a.m.? That's quite a level of cluelessness and self-centeredness from your ex. Maybe a parent worried about their CHILD would appreciate getting a text like that, but I doubt anyone else would.
Scale back the red carpet treatment, and see if you feel better. You matter too, you know!!

Countrymouse, as for the significant other, do what you think *he* would do if it was you coming home from the hospital after surgery.

I've always said, if it was up to men giving birth [not all], we would have zero population increase ;)

Just venting. Well , my " vacation" from my neck surgery is apparently over today. My mother feels better today and wants to go to church,Joy! I am being sarcastic. I just have very bad memories of SUndays as a child, the church I was dragged to the children that bullied me through the week at school also went to the church and the bullying didn't even stop at church, told mother several times but she didn't care, just wanted to compare her diamond rings to the other womens' diamonds at church. This was a rich church and the entire chamber of commerce went there. She hobnobbed with the parents of the very children that bullied me. She was such a fool if she though these people were her friends, as an adult I know now these children's behavior was base on what was being said by the adults in their homes.Mother has NPD and we didn't have much to do with each other from 1978 until 2012 when she became to sick to live by herself. My therapist has helped me a lot but just hearing her walker on my wooden floor as she gets ready for her debut this morning is making me sick.This is the same little church that sent 3 woman to"spy" disguised as a visit as she hadn't been in a month because of foot surgery. They were missing those checks. I won't say anything this am about how much a check she writes today but I will be looking for it in her accout and she and I may be having another come to Jesus conversation again.She wants to stay out of a nursing home and I can do this but not if she starts writing large checks to this church. If I have to I will call several nursing homes in the area and just get a baseline of what it costs at present per month for a patient. I am a retired nurse, I know the kind of care and money need to maintain a bedridden person. She isn't bedridden yet, but it is coming. This is usually when non medical family has to place a loved one in AL or NH is when they become bedridden, there is a reason these places have shifts of nurses.She wears these big *ss diamond rings to this church and they think we have money to burn.This morning just brings up so many bad memories and seeing her so excited about going makes me ill.,I have already told her I am not going thru one of those "visits" again. I will take her and them to a restaurant but I am not going thru some cleaning frenzy again like this last time.My husband actually drives and picks her up at the church, I actually get physically ill driving into the parking lot their.It's a small country church and I guess it feeds her ego.I dread having to confront her over her "contributions" to this place. But if I have to I will do a breakdown on paper about her depends, meds, gas to md visits, the copays and the monthly expense of a NH and what it would cost for inhome HA and other caregivers that would make it possible to keep her out of a NH which is a big fear of hers and I don't blame her , but as usual everything comes down to money. I know none of those church ladies would ever help me bath her or clean her of feces or urine.

We are guardians of my husband's younger sister who has Alzheimer's. I'm tired of her children never visiting her--didn't even show up for Mother's Day. She is in assisted living and they both live close by. I'm tired of her being upset with us. I know she loves us and is appreciative and it is the disease and as the caregivers we get the brunt end of her frustration , but it gets hard to take. People who have never been caregivers or who don't understand the disease, believe every negative thing she says about us. Try to talk to her about it and she denies saying these things and starts to cry. Caregiving is the hardest thing I've ever done.

Serious genuine whine moan groan poor me coming up - be warned!

I AM SO FED UP. All I can think of is how fed up I am. I am sick of - not my mother, it's not her fault - I'm sick of the job. That bloody commode every morning. The snail's pace trip from bedroom to bathroom once she's out of bed. Having to operate her incredibly simple riser recliner chair for her because she's not capable of remembering which, of two buttons mind you!, to press, and tries to sit down without positioning herself safely first. All these tiny things which you happily do for an infant - but these are not infants, they're grown adults, and therefore a lot less attractive and appealing, and not improving - you're going backwards every day.

And now on top of that ex-SO is coming home to roost. He had his prostatectomy on Friday. The surgery went well, I'm happy to have learned. The problem is his understanding of what to expect in recovery, coupled with our complicated relationship networks, coupled with his lack of insight into his own emotional needs. Before: he definitely, absolutely, adamantly wouldn't want any visitors. After: could I take his phone charger in please?

Of course. Happy to.

Endless texts about his blood pressure (they're having a bit of trouble getting him stable, but they're on to it - there isn't going to be a problem). Eventually I lose patience and text him back "G, stop looking at your blood pressure monitor and go to sleep." Then feel that was a bit harsh, so ring the ward to check he's ok. Ward Sister says he's fine. Sitting up and taking notice.

On we go to the evening (I may at certain points have 'forgotten' to have my cell phone on me). The poor lamb is suffering terribly, swollen abdomen, chest and abdominal x-rays, waiting for blood test results. I remark to daughter that for someone at death's door he's certainly texting enthusiastically.

Look, I do care. Honestly I do. It's that I don't believe there's any cause for concern, not that I wouldn't be bothered if there were.

What he's failed to take into account is that he had a spinal anaesthetic on Friday which would have kept him gloriously pain free post-op - until it wore off. And that opiates shut down the gut most effectively. He's been a stranger to constipation before now. Bit of a shock in store...

Text at ten pm. His ex-wife and oldest son are going to visit him this morning. Translation: don't be here when they are. So I text back fine, let me know when to bring the charger. Text back: leave it, he's borrowed one.

At which point I'm afraid I get a bit of a red mist. Now, why am I feeling angry? I'm trying to make sense of that feeling. What's to feel angry about? The chopping and changing? The poor man's post-op, I should cut him some slack. The unresolved ex-wife issues? He left her 17 years ago and no it was not my idea. Water under the bridge, surely? The poor communication? See post-op.

I don't understand why I feel angry, but I do.

Then - excuse my language but - f*ck me, four o'clock in the bloody morning I get a text. He's passing wind and feels much better. Well thank God because I'd been lying awake worrying about that. I'm so pleased to hear he's had a good fart.

I need to get my balance, here. This man will be home in two or three days, maybe even tomorrow night. Do I offer to collect him or do I say 'get a cab' - the hospital is 30 miles away. Do I wait on him or do I fold my arms. I'm changing his bed linen and giving his bathroom a good going over today, but do I put grapes and flowers on the bedside table or do I go for the no frills service?

I don't know where I am. And I don't understand why I'm feeling sore.

annecurrey, pets and children would also present the same problem. And guests will even spill things.

Oh Anne :(

Don't let him 'rain' on your parade.

Hey, I bought my dream house and still have my father with me. His catheter leaked all over my nice new floors. My selfish sister will not take him for a weekend. She is planning her daughter 'a wedding so that takes up ALL of her time even though the girl has been shacking up with her boyfriend for years. So, I am stuck with this walking carcas and can't even enjoy my new home

Ok kaz full report then on your spanish adventures!

Thanks guys!! and 57twin what happens in Spain stays in Spain are you kidding me? If i happen to get romanced the whole world is gonna know!! LOL

looloo, I stopped helping with my parents yard work this year.... and here I live about 5 houses away. But Dad will still hint around about getting 20 bags of mulch... and I will hint back that I can no longer lift those bags of mulch, that ship has sailed. Last month we were at Home Depot, Dad said since we were at the store, let's get mulch. Dad said an employee can load my Jeep.... but I said "BUT I can't bring home the employee to unload the mulch and carry the bags to the backyard !!!"

One trick I found to remind my parents that I am no longer a spring chicken [I'm pushing 70] is once in awhile I will show up for a shopping trip with them using a cane. I tell them I hurt my back. Most of the time this magic cane does work :)

Hey Kaz what happens in Spain says in Spain!!

Anyhow My sis and I picked up Dad and took him to the doctor for his POA activation. Confused most of the way in the car. Thought he was going back home repeated this a lot. My sis told him he was having a vacation at a resort. We went past the road to my house he sort of recognized that but not once did he ask why he wasn't living with me nor did he seem to remember he had been living with me the past 4 months since mom died. That really surprised me. We did get him calmed down and explained why he cannot live where he used to and that he does live closer to me so I can see him more often.
My sis left to drive back home today but stopped in to see him before she left but do not know how that went yet. I will stop in and see him on Sunday perhaps bring one of the cats.
But as usual my sister gave me some "suggestions" that of course I will disregard.
My hubby is golfing tonight so it's just me and the cats it feels odd to he the only one in the house. Had a couple nights with better sleep and now I can sleep in guest bedroom again if hubby's snoring bothers me.

I think freqflyer has good advice for Phoenix.. If my mom started in on having to get "certain" label goods from "certain" type stores, I'd most likely tell her, "No. Sorry. Can't do that. If you want oranges, we will get them from the corner market. Gas is over $4/gal and I just don't have the money to spend. So sorry, but that's the deal." Then let her whine about it. If she doesn't take what's offered, she does without. I don't understand driving 3 hours to do yard work. Phoenix, that's a bit above and beyond anyone's capabilities. You might suggest brother puts in his 2 cents worth by doing the yard for his folks once or twice a month. Sheez! Why do you let this go on like that? Remember, you have to take care of you. Set some boundaries, or start loving the 3 hr road trip.

R U hyperventilating, Kaz? Fresh air is better than used.... LoL... I was just giving you a tool you could use to relax a little. I know from personal experience what a monster I morph into under just a little stress. Relaxing is not something we think about when all wound up tho.' Hugs to you. Hope your holiday is FUN (keep you passport around your neck under your blouse... just another suggestion).

Tex; there are folks out there who just aren't animal people. Their lives are poorer for it, we should feel great pity for them. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have a couple cats sleeping on my feet at night.

OMG! guys you have got to read what some "creature" named Stefani just wrote me on my thread I started about what could I bake to make the house smell better because some church ladies were coming over. I checked her profile and their is little info. Intimated that I should get rid of the dogs, 2 are my mother's and that would kill her and then intimated that I wasn't taking care of my mother.Has anyone her of her, maybe she is one of those site trolls I hear about, it was a little upsetting. And I am still trying to recover from neck surgery. My friend still comes over 2x a week to help clean, it's not like there is urine and feces everywhere, these guys are pretty well pad trained, we have the occasional accident,so do I when I had my gi bug ,guess she thinks they should take me to the shelter and dump me. Really some people need to get a life.

Have a brilliant holiday, Kazzaa - woo-woo sunshine! Enjoy x

Kazz, we are all so happy for you! (and just a tad bit jealous...)

Don't you dare log on here while you're on holiday. Just tell us all the details when you get back, ok? :-)

Kazz, have a wonderful time! Forget about your worries and relax, you more than deserve it :) xx

Well, it's been the week from h*ll. Talk about my blood pressure! Been on the run for Mommie Dearest and at the NH four days out of the previous five. Had a stiff drink (so sue me), took an hour's nap and I'm feeling fine. So far as she's concerned I've disappeared for the next couple of weeks. It's me or her and she's not pushing me into an early grave!

Hugs Captain dont work too hard hope youre feeling better sounds like you did a "mighty fine job" on those boys!!!
Hope aunt edna is doing dancing her heart out in the NH!!!!!!!

MY BIG WHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OFF TO SPAIN IN 6 HOURS MY WHINE IS I CANT AFFORD TO BRING Y'ALL WITH ME!!!!!!!

Keep whining!! oh i mean SMILING!!! sun has put his hat on hip hip hooray the sun has put his hat on and were going out to PLAY!!

How happy am i? no mum for a week yipee a whole week no washing no cooking no nagging no STRESS!!!!!!!

Have a great week guys stay SAINE!!

phoenix03, are we having fun yet shopping? I really believe those 2 hours in the grocery store is like going to Disney Land for our parent(s) as they can get out of the house. I had to stop taking Dad to Home Depot every time he asked, he would stay he had a long list, but once we got to the checkout, almost 2 hours later, all he had in his cart would be a package of light bulbs and a tube of Epoxy. I took time off from work FOR THIS???

I stopped taking my parents to the super size discount stores, it's too exhausting for me as Mom gets her cart and goes in one direction, and Dad gets his cart and goes in the opposite direction. I shadow Mom so I can help her get things off the shelves and re-shelve 90% of the things because she grabbed the wrong product. And for some unknown reason, if she can't find the chicken soup she wants right at the area where ALL the soup is located, she will go into other aisles looking for it.... don't think that soup will be down the soft drinks aisle or with the personal care products, Mom. Mom finishes her shopping and sits down while I go looking for Dad, remember I am at a super sized store.... I find him and go back to Mom, but she had left because she was worried that something happened to Dad so SHE went looking for him.... ok, Dad, now you sit here and I will look for Mom... after going around and around like this several times, I am so frazzled I am ready to drop :(

JessieBelle, my mother has been doing that 'storytelling' for a few years now, and it was -- and still is -- so challenging to deal with. The first time you hear it, you're confused, because parts of it may be true or accurate. But you're never sure. And you spend a lot of time and energy trying to get to the bottom of it. At least I used to. After one of her 'stories' this week, I realized it's necessary to detach from my compulsion to figure out the truth of everything. My new rule is: if 911 didn't need, or doesn't need to be called, then forget it. And if she's not being taken advantage of in any way, then forget it. And try to stop fuming over it. This part is difficult, but since it's probably a very ingrained behavior, it's best to keep calm and carry on.

BTW, by the "Road to Mandalay" I meant the nonsense child's poem. There's also a Kipyard poem and song called that, so didn't want to confuse.

I spent a while this morning talking to my mother. She made up a new story about the plumbers who came yesterday. The plumber, according to her, had told her he modified the toilet so it doesn't use as much water. She said the toilet isn't flushing so well anymore. The trouble is that she didn't talk to the plumbers at all. She was in the bedroom and kitchen the whole time, and I did all the dealing with them. And the toilet flushes like normal. Listening to her made-up story made me very tired. I didn't respond, because I know I'm going to be hearing this story for a long time to come.

She also has this story of how she was on the bank of the creek next to the house, and how she hurt her foot, and how she must have been allergic to something there. She said she was all broken out and itching. She hasn't been on the bank for months now. She didn't hurt her foot. And she isn't broken out.

Sometimes I wonder what I must have done in a past life to merit what I go through now. Life doesn't make sense anymore. It is a "Road to Mandalay" existence.

freqflyer, I have shopping problems with my mother too.

I told her I'd set up online grocery shopping for her and I'd order what she wants. No, a couple of people told her they had that service and they didn't like it, so she's not doing it. I offered to take her shopping at a small grocery store because it would take less time and walking for her. No, she only wants me to take her the supermarket superstore and it takes her over 2 hrs. to do her shopping. (If I try to take less time, because I have other things to do, she gets annoyed. Maybe she'd like to wait for my siblings and in-laws to help her, but she's going to have a long wait since they're not doing anything because they're busy. Some of them told me flat out that they won't take her shopping.) She wants me to take her to a separate drugstore for her toiletries, she doesn't get them when we're at the superstore, she wants the drugstore brand. She wants me to take her to a discount store to buy greeting cards for my siblings and their children, she doesn't buy them when we're at the superstore, they're too expensive, she wants the discount store. She wants me to pick up food at a specific take out place, one we never go to on our own. The closest one is several miles away and out of my way. She could've gotten the same kind of food at the superstore, but no, she wants it that take out place. (did I mention my siblings aren't doing any of this?)

OMG! I thought I was the only one. I'm tired of preparing the special meals because I was so used to living alone for the past ten years, I used to just graze during the day! I hate the fact I have to get her breakfast, she HAS to eat lunch, which I never eat, and supper is eaten at the table (I always ate at the breakfast bar) and I have to adhere to the diet, i.e., kidney failure diet, heart diet, diabetes diet, etc. Basically, she can't eat anything 'normal' so I have to look up recipes, which I stopped doing when my family was out of the house. Unlike you, I'm losing weight!

AND if I want to have something not on her diet, I have to hide in order to have it because if she sees me eating it, she wants 'some', to which I have to say no which makes me feel doubly sorry!

Wake up call came a month ago when I went to the doctor and I was found lacking in exactly what she can't have!

Plus she just shoves it all down without looking up. She can eat an entire meal in less than five minutes. I've stopped looking at her when she eats. I've stopped warning her that she can choke. I feel like turning on a recorder and just taping the first 'conversation' then pushing replay each time it comes up again and again and again.

So, that's my whine moment!

Good idea, Susan. Otherwise the doctor is saying 'in what way is she behaving strangely?' and you're going 'well she's just barking, frankly.' Much better to have specific instances.

And, you get to note the good bits too, which can really cheer a girl up I find.

CM and Sherridene -- is there a 'useless brothers' club yet? If not, we should establish one! My brother has moved to within 1/2 hour drive of my mother, and I'm about a 3 hour drive away. Who's handling her yardwork though? I am. Who's handling her vehicle sale and donation? I am. And everything else too. His excuses are that his work takes him out of town most of the time (ok, maybe that's true, but he's home SOME TIME). Technically, I'm out of town all the time too, because I'm 3 hours away, and I work full time! So there.
Harumph....