I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Need - sorry to hear about your friend. As Way says, a stroke is usually followed by depression. Hope she gets the help she needs and makes a good recovery.
That comes from a wonderful lady, who not just survived her stroke, but thrived. Learnt to walk & talk again + reinvented her life.
The stroke uncovered how UNsupportive the husband really was, how unsuitable their townhouse was (too many stairs) how her job wouldn't work... So left spouse, moved & made a new home, left her job & started back up with her art.
Very inspiring 😊
Sadly I suspect post stroke depression is very common - literally depresses motivation to move, try & engage.
Attending therapy, regardless of *wanting* to or not. "Just Do It" attitude. Then downtime afterwards to avoid brain fatigue is usually recommended.
I almost laughed when they came into her room to verify her schedule.
Oh my gosh, my friend is not one to hold her tongue. LOL 😆 She says, 7:30? Oh no, make it 10:00 and I will be there!
They kept the schedule as it was. They won’t move it until later. Believe me, she tried!
I think she does have some type of emotional therapy as well. I heard her nurse speaking with her about it.
My dad had some depression after his stroke. It’s heartbreaking to struggle with trying to recover. Daddy was never himself again after his stroke.
Depression is almost a given after a stroke. Also , Maybe they could make her therapy later in the morning ? And have a counselor speak to her for some depression therapy ?
She had a stroke. She’s doing speech,, occupational and physical therapy. She’s scared and depressed and has actually always struggled with anxiety. She’s on Wellbutrin.
She has always been a night owl and doesn’t want to wake up early for therapy. I tried to encourage her. She has it in her mind that none of this will help even though it has only been a week since her stroke.
They are giving her trazodone before bedtime, which she says doesn’t really help with her insomnia.
I’m starting to wonder if she will see much benefit from rehab. She’s given up and has little hope.
Thank you. Will insist on getting some answers.
barb - what other's have said. Is it time for ex mil to move to AL. and/or can she visit with her friend. If she is blind and cannot visit her friend without help, she is hardly independent. Counselling/sw is a good idea anyway.
At least hubby was moved tonight to his own room, ER told us dr will be there. No doctor on that floor at night!
Maybe tomorrow will get some answers.
From an apartment to one room + ensuite. Much less belongings. I feel sad she has had to downsize again, but it is a better fit.
Wondering if AL would be a better fit for exMIL now too? Now that her memory & sight issues are limiting her independance?
I agree. Can ExMIL get some counseling also. Can she visit her friend in AL , Can't the facility help these friends visit? I'm sure the friend would like the visits as well.
My Ex MIL is in a really nice CCRC, in the Independent Living level.
She is partially blind from an occipital (?) stroke, no short term memory, still mobile and in a place with lovely grounds, swimming pool and activities.
One of her good friends recently had to move to the AL side- she'd been in IL with aides and was burning through lots of money and had to move. Ex Mil is apparently quite bereft.
ExDH is asking everyone in the family, myself included, to visit more often because his mom is so "down".
I don't think that's the real solution. I think she might need some better mental health intervention (i.e. meds) a SW to facilitate more socializing, whatever.
Any and all suggestions are thankfully received!
Thanks.
Yes, freezing is fairly normal as far as normal goes with PD.
Scary, but happened before and my hubby is able to unfreeze quickly. He is strong. At least was before yesterday.
Cwillie,
Yea, you are so right.
Only saw ER doctor and only doctor once yesterday for 5-10 minutes. Today all morning I demanded some answers, nurses just minimize seriousness of it all as they look at the notes and emphasis were put yet again on Parkinson’s. Not nurses fault of course, they are wonderful people, just telling me what dr wrote.
What I know sudden deterioration in PD occurs over weeks/ months and the cause is related to specific symptoms rather than progression of PD. It is important cause is treated over obvious symptoms of PD. Effective treatment of root cause will prevent worsening of Parkinson’s.
And like you said I am suspecting spinal fracture, tumour?
Thanks
I am so sorry you are going through this and hope things get better.
My husband was taken to hospital yesterday, in ER still today as there are no rooms available, probably is going to spend another night in ER even though he has been admitted as they need to figure out what is wrong with him.
Today I was terrified when I went this morning it showed very high blood pressure and it was completely ignored and his is always normal.
Found out he has mild pneumonia, but the reason I called ambulance yesterday was multi symptoms the biggest one being he could not walk almost felt like he is paralyzed, and today they already are giving me the same old story: It is all because of Parkinson’s disease.
Well, I am ready for a fight as he had his reg quarterly check up with neurologist last Thursday who after exam declared that his muscles, reflexes etc are strong and even suggested it is OK to make next appointment in six months, as she does not expect any drastic changes. And changes don’t happen so drastically in day or two, at least not to that extend.
So by Saturday he became weak to the point he could hardly walk, by Sunday even worse. If I was to give uneducated non medical opinion, I would say this has to be related to his back pain which became unbearable in last month. Or tumour or spinal damage. Waiting for doctor to call me as requested, I know I am going to demand second opinion.
I am taking a little break and going back to hospital soon, just need to vent before I have to face another fight, they already blaming it all on Parkinson’s.
Oh and thank you to all for letting me rant .
Everyone should follow your friend’s advice. Too many of us were saddled with feeling like we had to do something more. Your friend had the right idea!
When did you last do something just for you?
You need to care for yourself and have compassion for you as much as you do for others. You are as deserving as anyone else of your time and energy.((((((hugs)))))
I understand that you feel bad for fil or anyone else in his position. I feel bad for them too but I also have to look after me. Fil is a grown man and it is his job to look after his own feelings. You can take an hour or more for yourself. In fact, your need to or you will burn out. That's not going to ruin his day, but it may ruin you if you don't.
I learned a lot about this from a friend who died 10 years ago in a traffic accident. She was very much a "what you see is what you get person". Her husband had terminal cancer and was in hospital.
She took mornings for herself - to read her newspaper, and once a week to meet her g'fs for coffee. It was a standing arrangement and I could drive down from here (5 hr drive) and know on that day they would be there. It was great girlfriend time.
I went to stay with her for the last weeks of his life. My friend told me she knew that her dh would have preferred her to come visit him earlier in the day, but she needed mornings for herself.
They were a very solid couple - really had been together since grade school and loved each other dearly.
But she knew the value of looking after herself. It was a lesson I have never forgotten and have benefitted much from. I'm passing it on to you.
We certainly don’t know when people will die. I have had interesting conversations with others, especially hospice nurses about this.
My brother died the second I left his room when he was in hospice. I would not have wanted to see him take his last breath.
I didn’t want to see my mom or dad die either. My brother was with my mom and it was important to him to be there so I am glad that he was.
My other brother happened to be with my dad when he died. I went to see them often but too be honest I didn’t want to see them die.
I think my brother waited for his children to arrive from out of town. The hospice nurse was surprised that he was hanging on for so long. He was so happy to see his children. He rallied and then faded.
My cousin had a dream about her mom dying the night before she died.
My mom rarely went out to lunch with friends. She was a homebody. Her sister was a street rat! She loved going out with friends. They were polar opposite of each other.
Anyway, mom’s friends asked her to meet them for lunch at a nearby restaurant. My grandmother happened to be visiting her at the house. Grandma said to her, “Go ahead and go. Enjoy lunch with your friends. I will eat something here and see you when you return.”
Grandma went to the bathroom. Mom was running late and didn’t have time to wait for her to come out so she could kiss her goodbye. Grandma died suddenly at home with me dad. She was DOA when she got to the hospital. Her heart just stopped. She hadn’t been sick.
Mom felt so bad that she hadn’t kissed her goodbye or that she wasn’t home.
I told mom that she had been a wonderful daughter and grandma knew how much she loved her. I felt like grandma wouldn’t have wanted to die in front of mom. This happens all the time. A person will die after someone leaves. I bet you saw this as a nurse.