This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I got interrupted by my front yard guys......they just wanted to tell me about the HUGE snake that crawled out of our garage and they saw the col heading south down the driveway.....that must have been before I busted her. It's not even 5 o'clock here......
Love and Hugz,
Jam
You have to follow your heart sandra, you have to decide what is best for you and your husband. I don't give suggestions about placing a loved one in a Nursing Home, that is something for you to choose. But maybe YOU need to go to the DR. and get a good check up. Crying all the time is not good. And this job can be very depressing, as it is hard work 24/7.
Are there any agencies in your area like Home Health that can come out and at least bathe her? I know you are past exhausted , so maybe you need to take care of yourself first, then maybe you can make decisions about your mom..
I know you said money is short, well, just take some from here and there and put together enough to at least get yourself more healthy...
Please come back and tell us more and vent and cry and just keep talking. Sometimes it is thru the talking things out I have found my answer....
Hugs to you, please stay in touch...
I don't want to tell you what to do, but I can see that you need help. You can't go on like this without getting a break yourself. Please see if Medicare will pay to have someone come over and evaluate your mother to see what she may qualify for. Please go through her doctor if you can. Do it for your own sanity and come back here to let us know how things are going.
How was your day?? Did you get your shopping done? I get to go buy new shoes tomorrow, does this make me a grown up???? Oh I hope not,,, love everyone, later...
Edwards being indicted. Mom was fascinated with him when he ran for Pres. and finding out about wife with cancer, mistress, etc., and we get all the news about who was going before the grand jury, etc. Well, thae station stayed on the air for a full hour, showing him leaving his house and driving to Winston-Salem like he was O.J. Simpson. I parked mom in front of the TV in the kitchen and she watched the whole hour. She got a good look at his house in Chapel Hill which is a big sprawling place.
Just before dinner she has to go to the bathroom and she asked me if Edwards dug a hole for a bathroom outside cause ya got to go somewhere ! WTF? I said mom he's probably got 8 bathrooms in the house ! Well, if you go stand out there, ya got to go somewhere ! Well, mom I'm going to take you to your bathroom. Is it out by the garage? no, mom. We have one in the house just for you. GEEZ ...................
Her Dr. when we found out she had cancer, referred us over to hospice, the nurse comes out 2 to 3 times per week, and her CNA is now starting to come out 3 times per week. The one thing that I love about Hospice is the respite care they offer, she can go to the hospice house for 5 days every 90 days to give me a break, or like I tease her, give her a break from us.
Thank you ladies for your suggestions on what to do about the medication challenges, I have two sets of pill boxes, one for the evening and one for the morning. Both plainly marked, if I have to be gone during the time that a dose is due, I take that days medications and put it in a separate container, mark it clearly as to when it is to be taken, if there are additional pain meds due, those are marked for the scheduled time as well, all this is left on top of the desk her by her bed. It should be simple enough that a 6 year old who can tell time could take care of it, But both of these two get confused and I come back to find her meds all ramshackle, thankfully they have not managed to over dose her.
I'm thinking put all the bottles and bags into a container, maybe out of sight out of mind will help with them handling it. If all they see are the ones that I have put out for them, then maybe they won't start thinking there is something else they need to take.
Trying to fit my brother in on the helping is hard given the fact his memory is where it is. I can't push him away, she's doing the best that she can, either side effects of the medications or the cancer is messing with her mind. I tell her at least three times what the pills are that I had just given her to take
Got to try and get some rest this evening, if I keep it up at the rate I am going, going to end up in the hospital myself.
Take Care
Must say goodnight....Starri, honey, get you some sleep...today is another day.
I have a brother in California who only manages to show up when someone is dying, he came out here 4 years or so ago, just before our dad died, he did make it once last year and no one was dying, and now he just "graced" us with his appearance for a week, Mom's dying so of course he has to show up.
Told him when he left from the last visit that he didn't have to wait for someone to be dying before he showed up again. Don't think he liked that one, but it was how I felt.. The other brother besides the baby, is a stone drunk and rarely see's a sober breath, now he has his own issues to deal with.
I know that I can't tell Jerry that he can't help with mom, he has to feel like he is giving to her care as well. It just makes it extra hard on me when I am having to watch him and her at the same time, and make sure nothing goes wrong with the meds.
Sweet Dreams
Starri, the depth of your compassion for your brother is truly amazing. And yes, he does need to help.. I can only imagine how he must be feeling with everything that is happening.
I can't imagine how you could be doing any more than you already are. The idea you had about putting all the meds up except for the daily ones sounds like a good idea. Maybe it would seem less overwhelming for them.
My heart goes out to you sweetie ( please don't be offended by the "sweetie" word, it is a southern thing, I call seeme that too!!) and trying to be everywhere at once. This is a hard job, regardless of what it entails... hugs and prayers to you and your family, not the other brothers, I don't hug selfish people.....will be checking on you today... hugs across the miles to you..
I get off on tangent now and again, too much time spent with elders, the lines are starting to blur.... hugs to you all today. sorry, ASG, this is our life...but we have each other, helps us not feel so alone...
Will try and catch up on everyone's posts today; please bear with me. I am not ignoring anyone. I have read and my heart is with ALL of you.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Love ya,
Jam
hugs to you,,,,,
Seeme, try to get some rest today, and I liked Jam's picture of you tooling down the hiway...
ASG, maybe Aunt Weird will be next if she doesn't straighten up.
I will check back in later... hugs to all, and Burned, and Sandra and Starri and Linda.