This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Hope everyone is doing okay......I'm exhausted and has nothing to do with care giving! Hubby slept on the couch because of the kennel we have now and kept the jack/chihuahua with him. My blind poodle has her bed and was in it, chihuahua likes to sleep by my feet. Col's dog usually sleeps under the edge of the bed where the air conditioner blows....well not last night. He decided to get up on the bed, flop down, 10 sec move, flop down, 10 sec move, then I heard him run down the steps into my bathroom and left a pile the size of a small mountain, thank God there is no carpet on the floor. They had all been outside for about 30 minutes an hour before this. Got that cleaned up and the flop move starts again. Then the jack decides she wants in so she is sitting and scratching at the door. I finally got up, threw them all outside and yelled at hubby that HE can watch them and stomped back to the bedroom and took a 2 hour nap. So that was my early morning harassment.
seeme.......nothing like a UTI to kill your sense of smell. We have a septic system also and I have to watch the col so she won't put "butt wipes" in the toilet. I won't even let her put the flushable kind in. Then she gets confused and won't even put toilet paper in. I would rather have that than the yard messed up again. We've cleaned out once since we've been here and that was about 4 years ago, but with 2 households using the same tank now it will have to be done soon I think. I've already told her the next cleaning is on her, since I can't always catch what she flushes or puts down her garbage disposal.
Hi sandy and starri..........how's your Monday so far?
Where is burned.....anyone heard from her?
ASG.....if I have my way the col won't be getting back her makeup. In between baths she puts on foundation, then smears face lotion over that when the mood strikes, so there is a mess smeared all over. The mascara was completely dried up so I hesitate to guess what she was using to even get it to stick to her lashes...spit probably. Then she would rub her eyes after putting it on and we all know how sanitary her hands would be. The lipstick was old and greasy. Her lips were always dry and I spent the winter trying to get her to use gloss, chapstick, anything....I found a product from soap.com called "chicken poop", love that stuff, she refused it. It was more fun, I guess, to leave pieces of dry skin mixed with lipstick all over the inside and outside of a stained coffee cup, and scream when I would wash it. And of course the lipstick had to be used on the cheeks as blush. And all done without benefit of a mirror. I think we have been lucky so far that she has not gotten a raging eye infection. So I would rather her be mad at me than have an infection. Waiting now to hear from her doc after he does rounds and gets back to the office. Going to start looking at fencing and finding her a patio set that can be set up on the front yard concrete. She will only be allowed out there with someone else. The new fence will be locked so she cannot get out and wander off. Will keep her dog confined so she won't chase him. All around good deal for everyone. The only problem may be her trying to crawl over, hubby wants chain link, I don't. And with a care giver with her on the days we aren't, climbing should be a moot point.
Going to contact a couple of friends today about the possibility of taking care of the col.....if they aren't interested then will put an ad in the paper and go from there. A lot more work doing it that way. There is also a place close to us that hires out care givers so I will also give them a call. I would like to think they would do a background check themselves, we will see.
morning ladee......hope Sonny is good for you today. All of the info you have given me over the weekend, and seeme too, has helped me so much. I don't feel like I'm swimming upstream with a blindfold on anymore. LYB
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Sure hope you get some answers soon... and wasn't it yesterday you were saying you were lucky to not have to do what Jam and I do... be careful what you say out loud, girl....let us know what happens...hugs to you sweetie...
Time for outside doggies.......
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Jam, the idea of the fence in the garden is a good one. If you are afraid COL climbs it, make it higher. She is not a Marine, I guess. And she won't dig to pass underneath (talking about rabbits...)
ASG: I thing Auntie should be sedated (a little bit). Otherwise life could become very difficult for you and your kids, Forgive me if I am blunt!
The doctor told us my mother can drink a little bit. Not too much of course. I was very happy about it and I gave her a (light) herb liquor tonight. A natural product made by my friend. My mother was very happy and she went peacefully to bed. And it didn't harm her!
Strategies, strategies!
Col called us tonight....very pleasant conversation although she still doesn't realize why she is there. We explained the need to review her medicine.....yadda, yadda, yadda. I think they may be putting her on Namenda. Or is it Namendia? She doesn't like the hospitals diapers so we will take some and visit with her and see where we are. And ask how long they will keep her. Hubby said today, with insurance, they like to keep them longer, so that will be an advantage for us. If they are changing her meds I want them to keep her long enough to see how she does, and if she doesn't, then see how she does on something else. She will also get a haircut that is easy to manage and attractive on her, but no more of this cloud hanging in her face and eyes. So no more hot rollers. She will get some lip gloss, the days of globbed mascara are over. I have her house streamlined without so much furniture to possibly trip over. Just have to do a little more shampooing on the carpet and then vacuum, make her bed and her house is livable again. The strong urine odor is gone, but won't smell completely clean until we get the carpet ripped up and replaced. I've gotten a lot accomplished in 3 days.
Hope everyone is having a good night. I'm taking advantage of this short vacation...:)
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Rum and coke time................
Love and Hugz,
Jam
ASG...Have you tried to get her to let you go with her , as in 4 ears are better than 2 ? It sure would help you to be a better caregiver.....try that one!!
Gotta go to bed, big day tomorrow......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Go to bathroom to clean up and get beat in the floor, he didnt do it on himself so I must have done it, the pee and stuff!! so that over, breakfast was thrown in trash and coffee spilled in floor. I need to get out of here!! There are 168 hours in a week and I have 4 that I can actually get out of the house ALONE. I have a sitter that comes twice a week for 4 hours and sits with him. I spend one of my 4 hours at the nursing home with my sister who had a stroke. Her mind is great just her body is gone. She has no other visitors so I go every Thursday from 12-3:45 I have to be home by 4 for the sitter to leave. My hubby has had ALZ since 07 and has no earthly idea who I am. He is on abilify, has been on all meds for ALZ but dr took him off as they were not working. He sits and complains, hates company, does not like for me to talk on phone, and does not want me out of his sight. He has sleep apena but refuses to wear his mask. says I am trying to kill him, spits his abilify out so I have to crush it and put it in his drink, coffee. decaff.
Shoot with my 4 hours which happens to be tomorrow I am so excited I just could spit!! Oh did I tell you I have two sons????? 45 and 39, they live here in town one only 7 houses away, but cant face the fact that Dad is not himself!! well face it boys hes not getting better, just a cop out to keep from sitting with him. I stopped asking and will not ask.. they know I need the help. Well thats my day and thanks for letting me vent!
I'm exhausted, my brother is as well, just from the time he sits during the day. I have no clue as to what to do, I can put the rail back on the bed where she can't get out on her own, but that thing isn't like a normal hospital bed, it doesn't retract all the way so makes it harder than hell to try and get her out. Any suggestions?
If I was ever tested, I would find out what I have going on with my sleep. I do a lot of snoring...always have. And I sleep very deeply. I used to think it was because all 6 of us kids were so close in age you had to learn to sleep like the dead to sleep at all. Now, when my eyes close, my ears slam shut !! That's why the baby monitor in my room even though she is only across the hall.
He informed me today that he has done caregiving, he is doing it for our friend, our friend is still capable of taking care of himself, Jerry can't keep track of his own three meds, never mind Mom's 18.
I keep telling myself it's his illness, but I got in his face this morning about his attitude...I've had enough. I've come home to try and get some decent rest, all we have scheduled for today for her is her CNA, she just helps to bathe her, he can handle that.
Going for the bed, see you ladies later.
Starri, do you have HH or Hospice??? Hospice should provide you with a bed and anything else you may need? Sorry to hear you didn't get any rest. We are so happy you are a part of this thread. That's what you have to do, just jump in and everyone gets to know each other and we don't feel so alone..
ASG, girl, I just couldn't do what you are doing, no way.... I'd have to get stupid with the aunt for talking to my kids that way... What a bossy old thing she is... hmph..
Rossella, glad to hear you had a good time with your friends.. How is your mom? Keep in touch.. love ya
Seeme, today is the day for fun.. enjoy yourself and eat something good for me..
Jam, sounds like things are moving right along.. the house and yard all set up for the col when she comes home.. Hopefully the right meds will be on board. Also hope this caregiver works out... let us know..
Today is my long day as Ms. M has to go for her transfusion today.. It will be Sonny and I, need to find something for him to do, he is bored and that is not good for Alz.
Didn't get much sleep last night, so am going to go get this day started so I can get done, come home and take a nap.... love to all, hugs across the miles..
We found out I quit breathing 66.4 times per hour for up to 20 seconds at a time. Rather than dragging my cpap back and forth, I've just been leaving it here at the house, and then getting my sleep when I can here.
I have a cow bell that a friend gave me, think I am going to figure out a way to hook that up so if she gets out of bed this evening, I will hear her...that thing will wake the dead. Hope you have a wonderful day, I think I am going to go check my eyelids for light leaks...rofl...
My day off today, so I am getting a shower and getting this day started. See you all later this afternoon...........have as good a day as possible.........
Hope everyone is doing well. Welcome to 54j. You do have your hands full.....bless your angel heart.....maybe we can put our heads together and see if we can come up with a way to allow you some extra time off to yourself. Only 4 hours and spending that with your sister is not time enough for you to recharge. And what an angel you are for using your time with her!
starri.......sending you hours of uninterrupted sleep.....it sounds like your brother does a real good job of helping with mom when someone else is there also. Maybe that should be his time?
I can hear water running.....front yard guys must be here to finish...will check back later.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Did somone say cowbell???? Someone else used a cowbell it drove em nutts. Good luck. Starri, can you tell hospice about your issues with this bed? Request a new one? Somtimes all you have to do is ask. The worse they can do is say no. Ladeeda, hey lady. Hope you have a good day with sonny. Maybe he would like the memory game. I bet he would like to do somthing he thinks is work. Seemer, hope you recover on your day off. Jam, are the guys working in your front yard hot??? I bet I know why you need to go so bad to watch them work. Lol. Some tan city boys pulling weeds for ya? Grab you a glass of tea, plant you a lawn chair on the front porch anf enjoy ;) or if your like me just plant you a chair inside behind a closed windowshade lol. Jk sorry I must have cargiver brain today love you all big big big hugs. To everybody.
have a great day I plan on it . I HOpe
When the incontinence started with the col, it was the little spot on the back of her jeans, so we suggested she get Depends. She went out and bought pads, which didn't work. When we moved her here we found a bunch of used, dried up pads under her bathroom sink....saving them in case she ran out....ewwwwwwww! Finally got her in Depends and after trial and error, I have found that since she doesn't like to get up and move, where the pad is glued onto the "panty" on Depends was rubbing her tailbone raw. That's when we went through the hoards of toilet paper and kleenex being stuck in her pants. Then I went to Tena's which are more expensive and harder to find in a larger quantity. She has done the tp bit with those too but not as much. Then I found some Assurance. The legs are cut square and the panty part is a little bigger and they just seem to work better all the way around. Once Aunt gets used to them, she won't complain, but believe me you don't want her sitting around wetting herself all the time. I don't know how to explain the shape the col's house was when we moved her. I would walk in the door and gag, my eyes would water and honest to God, I couldn't stay in there. Then I would smell like that!!! Even now, we have a couple of things in our garage that we took out of her house and with the heat the whole place stinks. But I can't leave the door open or snakes will crawl in. And one is a beautiful Lane cedar chest....guess I could set it outside and see if the sun would bake the smell out. With my luck it would make it worse and ruin it.
54.....glad to hear your morning started off well. What's the weather like? If it's warm I think I would take my favorite book, get something to eat, go to the park, don't forget a blanket to sit on and have myself a nice little picnic. Listen to the birds and just let the world go on around you. I hope you do something fun for yourself.
Howdy to all.................hope you are having a great day....
Love and Hugz,
Jam