This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
He was released with no home care visits. Fortunately, the hospital has a transition nurse program. They called my brother and after several questions said that he needed home monitoring hooked up to the hospital until he adjust to his new way of living... During the first visit, the nurse was shocked that he was living normally on a 13% heart rate until recently. He’s lost a lot of weight, weak and tires very easily. He will always need to keep the wheelchair handy. This info is all from when I was in Texas... lastnight, my teacher niece told me that my brother’s daughter FaceTime to them frequently. It is what it is... I will text brother after work today. Texting to the US Mainland uses up a lot of my $10 prepaid since it’s an international rate and not domestic rate. I’ll need to buy more cards. I’m down to 1 left.
Thinking of you Book.
I went to see mom daily. I should have spent a bit more time on me. I was nervous about mom. It was the first time that she had to do SNF.
Now we have home health again. I know it’s necessary. It does help her and I am appreciative but all of my time and energy goes to scheduling PT, OT, and nurse visits. I have to be present because they instruct me on what is needed regarding her care.
It’s emotionally draining. I’m trying to make the best of it but I get so tired and I must admit lonely.
I would like to be with other people. I used to work, volunteer every week at my kid’s school, volunteer at the church fair and other fundraisers, meet friends for lunch or coffee, a little window shopping, library, different community things like our local farmer’s market and concerts in the park, botanical gardens, etc. Now all of that is gone.
I have been wanting volunteer to help pack boxes at our food bank. That may sound boring to all of you but I need to get moving again and that would occupy my body and mind.
How does everyone deal with with the isolation?
Today I was called to get MIL convinced that she was in her own home. This happens about 3 times a month. Oh the wailing and consoling, I reminder that she is blessed to be in her own home with family and friends. MIL not convinced. She remembers she woke up this morning in her house. She wants to be taken to that house right now. About half hour later the guilt trip starts. "You two are making this up. It's my house, my money. Take me to my house." I listen but I don't take the bait. I remind my wife that this may not be full blown Alzheimers but it is an emotional trap. Her mother has enough memory to make her dangerous. Do not knuckle under. Her dementia will always win. See to her comfort and safety then leave the room. Call me again if you need to.
Could the cousin-in-charge perhaps ask your mother to do something as a contribution (e.g. choose a hymn, send a photograph, write a message for the service) to help lessen this idea that she'll be blamed for shirking? (As if.)
Buster, that’s not slight dementia. That’s dementia. Your arrangement with MIL is shortening your wife’s life, and has turned your marriage into a business arrangement. It’s OK to not be OK with that.
You are right, of course. I do need time for myself. I have someone come every other week to bathe mom but I should hire someone to come so I could do some of the things I really would like to do.
Thanks for encouraging me. I appreciate it a lot. Hugs!
I’m starting to talk back to her.
Can you swing by New Orleans next time you go for a massage and pick me up please? Hahaha
So glad you had a nice time. You deserve it! Happy birthday!🎂🎁🎉
It’s a deal, honey! We will skip Bourbon St. though and I will take you to where the locals go. 😊
Physically not so well. Have a hx of degenerative disc disease with previous steroid injections & the radiating pain even at rest & tingling has returned. Saw ortho today, set up with MRI & injections. My helping Mom up, all the bending has come to a halt. I’ll have to get some help with showering as my husband has no desire to help her out of the shower. 😳
Its rough to be a caretaker!!!
Ouch! So sorry. Hope you find good help and hope that you will feel better soon.
Sorry for your loss. I suppose that is the easiest way to die, simply go to sleep and not wake up. I am terrified of that happening to my mom in our home. I wish that I would not fear it but I do. Especially if I find her and I am alone. I’m not sure that I can handle that.
I always had this thought that just before she died she would wake up and see me there and smile. I hated the thought that she woke up and no one was there. I guess I'll never know.
It’s quite a bit. I hope I can get it all done. Asking everyone for prayers please. Thanks.
Honestly her reaction is too good to be true. She called a friend when home & told her all about it. I’m wondering if this is all put on because only weeks ago she’s accusing me & my brother of abandoning her.
I need help with her, fell again last night. With my back & my husband hurting his on the last lift, I called 911 for lifting help. They told her she gets 1 freebie & if falls again, she has to go to the hospital. She didn’t like that!
Just don’t trust mom with her behavior today. I think she’ll probably return to her ole narcisstic self by tomorrow.