This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
So, I have an idea of what you’re going through with the health issue and being a caregiver. I’m just glad I didn’t have to deal with seizures like you. That’s really difficult. You can get hurt. Kudos to you.
Symptoms of a hiatal hernia
1. heartburn that gets worse when you lean over or lie down.
2. chest pain or epigastric pain.
3. trouble swallowing.
4. belching.
I thought I was having a heart attack, I see my chiropractor before I go to the doctor and thankfully it was a rib out, but I was having heart burn, couldn't take a breath, couldn't stretch and then I felt highly anxious on top of all that.
Just for your information. I hope you are feeling better.
I'm a basket case.
I'm sorry to hear this. Your mom needs to be seen by a geriatric psychiatrist in my opinion. She sounds very psychotic, that is out of touch with reality and a geriatric psychiatrist can help with that.
I see from your profile that she has dementia. Has she been seen by her doctor recently? Her doctor needs to know about these things.
I am new to this forum. I took care of my mother from 2009 to 2012, and started taking care of my father in 2017 when he broke his hip. My husband left in 2010, it wasn't what he wanted. Fast forward to today, and after a breakdown, exhaustion and my father verbally abusing me for the first time a couple of days ago, I'm actually feeling ok today, thank you for asking! It's quiet here, I have some time to catch up on work, and I can hear the baby Robbins in the nest outside the window. It's moments like these that I cherish. Life has been difficult, rewarding, sleepless, sweet... everything in the past 11 years. I have been considering changing my name, though, it gets called so many times in a day! But yes, today is a good day. I hope all of you can take a moment today and tell yourself that you are doing an amazing job, and give yourself some love and appreciation.
All the best to you all,
Tempestdelfuego.
A week ago, she was asking to go out every time she sees me, and asks repeatedly again as soon as we get home because she has forgotten she already went out. Now she hardly asks.
Last week, she was loading up our shopping cart with big bags of chips, one after another. Now, she pushes the shopping cart like a zombie, doesn't even look at the junk food as she passes.
She now sleeps a lot more than before. She's probably only awake for meal times and a bit more after that, She sleeps while in the car, she sleeps while sitting on the bed watching tv. She almost falls asleep sitting on the toilet.
She doesn't fuss much anymore, She eats what's given. She has a lost look in her eyes. She had a few bathroom accidents in her pants, and on the floors. Groan.... I'm so afraid of this phase where she may lose control of her bladder and bowel movements.
All these changes happened in a few days, like a switch has been turned off, or a brain synapse just snapped.
I pray for God to take her. I hope my late father will come back and take her. Take her before she loses anymore dignity and quality of life.
An aunt,91, mid to late stage dementia and 2 very high risk family members should they contract Covid. I take mini breaks and block text msgs and calls. Have started getting more rest, cooking, praying and reading that makes me feel peaceful. Realizing I have no control over mom and sister but I can control how I choose to respond.
Her actions make me so irritated. She wants to go with me everywhere!! I feel like I’m suffocating sometimes. I need my space. I came to live with her after my beloved husband passed two years ago. Happy & content for 40 years was how I lived. Now I’m back - I guess to work out the past? - living with an older, more irritating mother than when I left. I love her, but it’s her behavior that makes me occasionally get angry. So, it does make me feel better knowing there are other caregivers experiencing similar behavior from their aging parents too.
I am so sorry your pooch has lymphoma.
My vet kept telling me that it was time and not to allow him to suffer. I took comfort in not wanting to see him suffer but it’s still very hard.
We grieve for them and miss them greatly.
On sunday sis fell for the 3 time.-chair alarm went off-by the time aid got to the room sis was on the floor on her back. Big red bleeding abrasion on the back of her head. They call me and suggest she go to the ER. I say yes definitely. 6 hours later-no injuries on Xray etc. but urine shows UTI. sis looked bad to me-flushed face, crying about every 5 mins-anyone who has had a UTI knows it hurts A LOT!!!! Sis drank 2 large cups of water and a protein shake I brought along-knowing we would be in the ER for a while. Sis has been loosing weight at the current place 20 pounds and counting in spite of them telling me she is offered protein supplement 4 times a day. Now see a med ordered for a yeast infection on top of the UTI. Blood pressure increasing for sis now needs 2 BP meds. Also been treated for scabies again-no one knew what it was and due to covid could not get sis into dermatology office until months later when they said yes this is scabies......ER day sis is in her PJ at 4 pm arrival to hospital. Later i ask staff why was she not in clothes today.....Staff says it was the weekend we do not "make" residents get dressed. Sis on 4 anti psychotic drugs due to all the crying-i believe is related to the horrible rash that went on for months. I could not take sis out and i tried to get an earlier appointment but not available either. I mention to DON when the skin is clear-which is now-can we please discuss cutting down on psych drugs. She says why the drugs are working...... NO the skin is better-staff is telling sis is doing much better now and no crying. I spend hours most days i call to check in trying to get someone to answer the phone-the system does not let you leave a message-i am not calling at meal time or bed time. They are keeping patients in their rooms due to staff covid cases, there have not been any activities for months. I was told the psych dr. had done an eval and wanted to up her meds. I called psych dr. and was told no he has not visited in several months-he did not do the eval.......I no longer have a good feeling about this place. I considered bringing sis home-it is not a long term solution. sis needs 24 hour care. My parents receive only average care-loads of unconcerned CG turn up every week and do as little as possible to be helpful. Finding good reliable support for home care is nearly impossible in my opinion. I am one person I can not do the work of 4-5 people every day all day.
Eeeek, Martz, what a lot of confusion over the medications. You know, not a whole lot you can do about it, as it is basically the aging process, and some loss of mentation. Sure enough all that is an exercise in "not everything can be fixed".