This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Can you swing by New Orleans next time you go for a massage and pick me up please? Hahaha
So glad you had a nice time. You deserve it! Happy birthday!🎂🎁🎉
I’m starting to talk back to her.
You are right, of course. I do need time for myself. I have someone come every other week to bathe mom but I should hire someone to come so I could do some of the things I really would like to do.
Thanks for encouraging me. I appreciate it a lot. Hugs!
Buster, that’s not slight dementia. That’s dementia. Your arrangement with MIL is shortening your wife’s life, and has turned your marriage into a business arrangement. It’s OK to not be OK with that.
Could the cousin-in-charge perhaps ask your mother to do something as a contribution (e.g. choose a hymn, send a photograph, write a message for the service) to help lessen this idea that she'll be blamed for shirking? (As if.)
Today I was called to get MIL convinced that she was in her own home. This happens about 3 times a month. Oh the wailing and consoling, I reminder that she is blessed to be in her own home with family and friends. MIL not convinced. She remembers she woke up this morning in her house. She wants to be taken to that house right now. About half hour later the guilt trip starts. "You two are making this up. It's my house, my money. Take me to my house." I listen but I don't take the bait. I remind my wife that this may not be full blown Alzheimers but it is an emotional trap. Her mother has enough memory to make her dangerous. Do not knuckle under. Her dementia will always win. See to her comfort and safety then leave the room. Call me again if you need to.
I went to see mom daily. I should have spent a bit more time on me. I was nervous about mom. It was the first time that she had to do SNF.
Now we have home health again. I know it’s necessary. It does help her and I am appreciative but all of my time and energy goes to scheduling PT, OT, and nurse visits. I have to be present because they instruct me on what is needed regarding her care.
It’s emotionally draining. I’m trying to make the best of it but I get so tired and I must admit lonely.
I would like to be with other people. I used to work, volunteer every week at my kid’s school, volunteer at the church fair and other fundraisers, meet friends for lunch or coffee, a little window shopping, library, different community things like our local farmer’s market and concerts in the park, botanical gardens, etc. Now all of that is gone.
I have been wanting volunteer to help pack boxes at our food bank. That may sound boring to all of you but I need to get moving again and that would occupy my body and mind.
How does everyone deal with with the isolation?
Thinking of you Book.
He was released with no home care visits. Fortunately, the hospital has a transition nurse program. They called my brother and after several questions said that he needed home monitoring hooked up to the hospital until he adjust to his new way of living... During the first visit, the nurse was shocked that he was living normally on a 13% heart rate until recently. He’s lost a lot of weight, weak and tires very easily. He will always need to keep the wheelchair handy. This info is all from when I was in Texas... lastnight, my teacher niece told me that my brother’s daughter FaceTime to them frequently. It is what it is... I will text brother after work today. Texting to the US Mainland uses up a lot of my $10 prepaid since it’s an international rate and not domestic rate. I’ll need to buy more cards. I’m down to 1 left.
The type of volunteer work I do is at the front information desk. Thus, I had to learn all the routes around the hospital, etc. What is fun, one section of the hospital is called "the West Wing" and that usually gets a smile out of visitors. The only patient contact I have is when a florist delivers flowers, I take the flowers to the patient's room. If a visitor is elderly or looks bewildered, I will walk them to their destination.
My desk mate is a younger gal who was born and raised in India. We've been desk mates for the past 7 years, and she was dealing with high drama elderly in-laws, and I was dealing with my parents. It was like a free therapy session when we arrived at front desk comparing notes. So much in common with parents who need care no matter where on earth someone is from :)
I know groups are always complaining about lack of volunteers but I'm having difficulty finding anything, volunteering here seems to involve joining a faith community or a service club. I've thought about the lioness club but they don't post when or where they meet, it seems you have to find a member who will invite you and that makes me hesitant - as an adult I've never made friends easily and small towns can be very cliquey. I joined in with a volunteer group back at the church for a few weeks but now they are taking a summer hiatus 😕.
cw - feeling better? Barb's suggestion is good.
Welcome home, book, So happy you had a good time. It sounds like fun.💃
I started reading about the cabaret and lack of sea legs. You wrote that well. I was waiting for a punch line, or the end of the dream.😌
All in all, we had a great time. We had no serious plans for each port. We winged it, got lost several times, called taxi or uber to take us. I didn’t buy much since my suitcase is packed full and no room for souvenirs. We met some nice, talkative taxi drivers, uber drivers. One uber driver said we were adventurous to take several local buses. (in the end, we got tired of the pit stops and called uber to take us back to the ship.) It was fun but I have absolutely no plans to ever go on one again. Been there, Done that. I’m glad I went... BTW, sis said that the next time we meet, we will try parasailing. 😳😱🤢 No Way, Jose!!!
Sis and I started suffering with sinus problems towards cruise day 5, Wednesday. By Thursday, when I blew my nose due to my sinus, it was spotted with blood. Each day, more blood and stuffy nose. I’m allergic to sinus meds, so I took 1 NyQuil starting Thursday night to knock me out. I was finding our stateroom’s air very dry. I was breathing harder in our room. I noticed that every time I went into our room, I got a headache.
We enjoyed the food and tried all the complimentary restaurants onboard. They’re very good at asking if anyone has allergies. I mistakenly touched a wet shrimp sushi and automatically licked my finger. Needless to say, I had an allergic reaction. I took the Benadryl but it was still worsening. I recalled watching TV show ER on a food allergy. I immediately brushed my teeth and the whole inside of my mouth to rid any shrimp residual. It worked... My stomach gained weight... I took lots of scenic and flower photos... my fam will send me the people photos...
My nieces must think I’m ‘cute’ as we watched the Friday night Hilton fireworks on the beach. Afterwards, I was so excited on seeing such beautiful colorful fireworks. I saw their faces as I raved about it. I stopped. Solemnly said that the last fireworks I ever saw was a child. As an adult, and caregiver in my 20’s, I never had weekends or nights free for 25 years. This is my first time to see fireworks. And it was sooooo pretty. ..