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Do not bring her to live with you. Being near may not be a good idea either if u want a life.

I am assuming ur from the UK. We have Office of Aging here that has senior bussing to appts and shopping. I would think England has stores that deliver groceries. Pharmacies that deliver meds. Mom is going to need to learn to use the resources at her disposal. Yes. set those boundries now.
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Beatty, who posts here has a lovely maxim "there will be no solutions as long as you are all the solutions". It is spot on.
You will need to set limits and boundaries with your mother. We are expected to do what we agree to do, and , more importantly, what we DO do.
It doesn't matter her regard or lack of for your "feelings". It matters what you say yes to. Tell your mother in a very nice manner that you will not be able to do these things for her. That she can get a place to live where she is taken care of, or avail herself of your offer to move more near, but that other options are out.
As to hoping she passes her license, when it is more than likely better that she no longer drive I will just tell you that it took my brother lying bleeding in the arms of his neighbor having smashed up his head, one palm tree and one refuse container to admit "I knew I shouldn't be driving; I knew something was wrong". Two months later, one month of rehab and one month of selling and moving to ALF, his life was quite changed.
Do let Mom know that you understand that she has problems, but that you do also, and that she should call you when she has good things to say, or the calls will be very short. Then see to it that you stick to it. There is no sense walking about with a "kick me" sign on post-its stuck to our forehead and then complain when the kick is delivered. You need to let people know what you will accept from them and what you will not. That is how life works.
This running out of a litre of milk thing often comes down to beginnings of fear, loneliness, neediness, because as we all know, it's easy to lean across the fence and say "Elmira, are you by any chance heading to the store today? I forgot my milk". Do know also that your Mom moving near you or worse yet in with you is not going to make anything even slightly better, but will be the beginning of an awful, likely decades long, slow slide downward. Reconsider that offer.
I sure wish you luck and hope you'll update us, but you will have to take this in hand before it gets quite OUT of hand.
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Beatty Mar 2021
So so true about the milk!

Shops deliver, there is long-life milk, neighbours to borrow a cup. But the I need milk being code for 'I am lonely or scared'. Yes! Or the manipulative 'While you get the milk, I need *insert here* the week's groceries, booze, chores, this fixed, that done".

Milk. The beginning of the slippery slope 😭
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Daughterof1930: " And I wouldn’t keep encouraging the idea that she move closer to you or in your home, it’s an idea you’d likely regret."

Yes...THIS! Better get used to start setting boundaries NOW. If you have 2 sibs who are already uninvolved, your mother is going to look to YOU as she gets older and needs more help.
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You only need a few words, something like “I’m not doing that” or “call a car service” Your mother has confirmed that she’s not listening to reason so having long explanations won’t change a thing. And I wouldn’t keep encouraging the idea that she move closer to you or in your home, it’s an idea you’d likely regret
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A car free life is the dream! Just dont answer the phone if Mom annoys you. Sounds like she wont starve. Tell her to take an Uber.
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JoAnn29 Mar 2021
Think OP is in England
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Why do you need to find the words when reality will do the job for you by the end of the month? Talk about something else.

Apparently, not having a car of her own and not having you on hand as her chauffeur are not such a problem for her after all. It didn't stop her getting to the hairdresser or having enough supplies to cook a dozen meals. So... what are the problems she is complaining about and denying (presumably not both at the same time)?

Is it that:
a) you want your mother to live within walking distance. She won't budge.
b) you are looking forward to hanging up your car keys and don't want that new freedom to be spoiled?

So that, adding those together:
Your mother wants you to drive to her town to see her and take her out. You don't want to. And then? What about it? When you have no car I don't see how you can fail to win the argument.
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