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What someone with dementia SAYS must always be considered as the product of a broken and deteriorating brain, so there’s that.

Is there a reason why residential care isn’t being considered?

If you haven’t had a formal diagnosis performed, it’s time. Google “geriatric cognitive/affective assessment”. Psychologists, psychiatrists, some social workers, and neurologists can do this.

You are doing JUST FINE. Be sure you’re taking good care of yourself. You’re important too.
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Jholley17 Aug 2022
Thank you so much for your reply 💖
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Mom needs meds. A mild antidepressant and/or calming med. As in something to take the edge off, not put her in a coma. Her being so angry and mean can’t be fun for her either.

You have got to place Mom. She has progressed to the point where you alone cannot take care of her anymore. It’s not safe for you or for her. If the money isn’t there, get her on Medicaid.

You need to keep her away from the phone. All these unnecessary calls can result in a big fine or even jail time. Someone could be having a heart attack and don’t get help because EMS had to listen to Mom complaining her food was too salty! Summoning cops or an ambulance when it’s not needed is risking the life of someone who truly needs it.

If she wants to call someone, dial the phone for her and don’t let her out of your sight while she has it.
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You are not a bad person! Please don't beat yourself up. Caring for an elderly parent is hard and caring for one with dementia is even harder. Keep reminding yourself it's the disease talking, not your mom. I know that's easier said than done. I am an only child caring for my 90 y.o. dad with Parkinson's who's been recently showing signs of dementia...I think they were starting a year ago and he went thru some major anger stuff with me. It was really hurtful but once I realized it was his cognitive decline, it was a bit easier to brush it off. Please talk to your mom's Dr about her anger issues and agitation. There are many meds to help. My dad recently started Zoloft and it's helped a lot with his depression and agitation, he was lashing out at NH staff but now is not. I had to place my dad in a SNF after a fall and the dementia and Parkinsons worsening. It has made life much easier even though I do feel guilt but I know he's getting the care he needs that I cannot provide. At some point, you need to look into a similar situation or perhaps Memory Care for your mom, especially if it is affecting your life and emotional well being. She may hate it but it is what's best for her and for you. Hang in there, this journey sucks, believe me, I get it. I've had moments of complete breakdowns. But you deserve a life too and to take care of yourself.
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Jholley17 Aug 2022
I just feel so darn guilty
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News flash you do not have to take your mom anywhere. That includes the lawyer.
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Try contacting your county office of aged and disabilities. They may have suggestions for you.

I’m sorry that this stuff happens. It’s difficult getting emotionally beat up even though you know it’s her illness. You may consider seeing a therapist, to get you through it.

if your mom insist on an attorney, tell her you will make an appointment. Don’t follow thru., or tell her they can’t see her till next month, then the appointment was cancelled etc…

if your mom isn’t diagnosed , get it done, and I would have her incapacitated. Call her Dr nurse ahead of time to inform them of the need. It takes 2 dr to sign off..
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Does she have an actual written diagnosis of Dementia?
If so an attorney will not have her sign any legal documents.
Even without a written diagnosis after a private talk with her there is a very good possibility that they will determine that she is not of sound mind and will not allow her to sign legal documents.
Have you talk to her doctor about the agitation? There are medications that can help with that.
When you get or request Home Health Aides ask for ones that have been trained in Dementia.
You need to accept the possibility that your mom's care may get to the point where it is beyond what you can SAFELY handle at home and you may have to place her in Memory Care.
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tmroger3 Aug 2022
Thank you for your advice. I think I just needed to put this out there and see if someone would care because at the moment I really don't feel like I'm a good person. I'm sure it has to do with the relationship I had with my mom when I was a child. But even then she was more likely to let me know of my faults and never my qualities. Thank you again.
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