I am trying to organise for Mum to go into respite when we move because I cant manage everything...I just can't. Mum is determined she is not going to go and currently they are listening to her not me. Advice?
Right now I feel like taking her on the day to the respite home for a day visit and not going back to pick her up, but that would end me in deep poo so don't even suggest that route!
Being in England too I know sadly too well the garbage you've been getting.
I was told today (I asked Nov 20th for an assessment) that after a "multidisiplinary" meeting it was decided that I don't need psychiatric support. Nov 11th 2014 diagnosed with MPD/DID, was seeing a psychiatrist and the specialists advice was that given the level/extent of trauma I should be on 6x more the support I was getting, but as I was managing with what I was getting don't change anything. Feb 4th 2015 "timed out" with psychiatrist, so end of support 50 mins 1x a month!
No one has seen me/spoken to me about my issues since Feb 4th 2015 so how they reached their conclusion is baffling.
My Dr. told them I now have dementia, response "Oh well, she'll soon forget the trauma then won't she? There's no point in getting her into support for such a short time." Now I don't know if they've a direct line to the book of life, because no medical professional I've spoken too can tell me how fast this could/will progress. A Social Worker though has written me off in a very short time!
Back to you, keeping everything crossed for you. If you want to talk to someone outside who won't give you platitudes and walks a similar path message me privately.
Take as much care of YOU as you can
So if I want to go away for a weeks respite the ONLY care option I am being offered (which Mum will have to pay for is 168 hours home care using 4 carers to cover the round the clock care and it will cost Mum £18.50 an hour so thats £3108 (4514.99 $) plus they don't shop, clean, do laundry. They will cook (oh thats good of them)
On the face of it I can see why they charge that much but is does strike a chord when that is almost exactly the same kind of money that the govt consider I am worth for caring for Mum for the entire year
There is a long waiting list. A long waiting list huh....she's 93 and with very limited mobility. Well that means she could be seen sooner. So what are we talking roughly? 6 months. So 6 months without a bath or shower then ?
You do realise that very elderly people with dementia are a high risk when you move them don't you? Well sorry we are busy.
I can't even speak I am so angry. Service? my backside? total lack of service.
So then I asked well what about rails - oh we can send an assessor out for that in about 3 weeks - so not mobile for 3 weeks then but thats better. Is this the same assessor as the bath assessor? yes but she won't be doing a bathing assessment at the same time........GIVE ME STRENGTH. All I want is advice - I don't want them to provide anything. Just as well because there is over a year long wait for a bath lift - I was a bit unpleasant Im afraid. I just said she will probably be dead by then but I imagine that would suit well wouldn't it and put the phone down.
How is that support supposed to actually HELP caregivers?
Security were called (I thought they might eject ME!!!) My god I am disgusted they have to be even treated. If you choose to get so blind drunk that you CANNOT get up off the middle of the road then I am sorry you deserve to get run over (preferably by something very heavy like a steamroller....that way you won't do it again and cost the government even more money.)
I personally think we should fine them - awwwww I hear them say the poor students don't have money - well they had enough to get blind drunk - rant over!! We are home now with meds and mum is confined to bed with legs raised for 24 hours and I am enjoying a little peace.
Glad Mum is home safely, sorry you've had this as an extra to deal with :~(
I clearly had a bowl of stupid for breakfast this morning. After I had washed and creamed mums body I realised that I had inadvertently taken off most of the line the docs drew round the cellulitis - its the only way I have of knowing whether it is getting better or not and they said even when it start to get better keep it marked just in case. So off I went, got the marker and marked Mums leg again ....only to look down and realise it was a permanent marker - oops!
OTOH, I really think you and CountryMouse should get together and start a UK carer's respite house.
Surprisingly I took your wonderful advice (sort of) mixed it up a bit and came up with if you don't put Mum in respite when we move then I will be forced to bring her to the town hall, leave her there in her wheelchair and you can be certain I will call the press first.
That very afternoon I managed to get 2 weeks respite for Mum and on the right day - they tried to offer it me for after mum moved but no dice I was not playing that game. I just lost my temper and decided enough was enough - I take enough off mother without them chipping in their two cents worth.
So now I have a date and I have respite and now all I have to do is arrange with 51 yes 51 different people to let them know we have a change of address - the first 15 have all asked to speak to her to confirm it is ok for me to speak on her behalf - either that or I have to send in a POA copy for each of them - I refuse to play that game either. So calls 1-3 were fine. She told them her name and her date of birth all well and good and that yes I could speak for her. Then we started getting 'ornery.
Call 4 - the caller didn't speak particularly good English and is a Filipino so she also speaks very quickly, Mother is immediately rattled and I can see the face change that tells me this is not going to be good. her responses went along the lines of:
Hello? Hello?
Speak English
Well its not my English
Speak slower
Cant hear you
You've asked me that
Ive told you that
Jude who is this stupid woman she keeps repeating herself
So I apologise and the woman decides she doesn't need to ask the questions Call4 sorted
Now I thought the next call was going to be really tough but it was a man so she was lovely - to quote - Oh he's a nice doctor (didn't tell her he wasn't the doctor)
Calls 6-12 went fine then boredom set in.
She told the next person she was Hiawatha - lets not even go there
Call 14 she said her age was private and she ought to know better than to ask
Call 15 she point blank refused to say anything to them other than hello
I can see this is not going to be quite as simplistic as I thought but hey ho we are moving and we now have a date for the move
Oh and because I know she will look Happy Birthday Stacey xxxx
It's not over yet!
To everyone who thinks they're finished,
It's not over yet!
Song from: For King & Country
Keep on trying, from grandma to grandma.
Hugs for Jude today!
one of our 5 a day!
I am not sure what the 5 a day references. Did you need 5 hugs?
PS for anyone who hasty heard of this they don't mean
1 strawberry pavlova; 1 banana cheesecake; 1 apple pie; 1 pumpkin pie and 1 black forest gateau with black cherries!!!!!
UNFORTUNATELY