My 99 yr old grandmother has chosen my uncle and myself to be her POA co-agents. My father was her only POA but he passed away recently, leaving no one to take care of her finances. I got her an attorney and he met with her-she made her own choice. My uncle lives in a different state and time zone than me. Have any of you been co-agents with someone who lived far away? The wording of the document is that we work together, not independently. My uncle wants to talk to me about the missing details day after tomorrow. I’m perfectly fine with him being Primary agent and me being back up. It makes sense that one of us holds the checkbooks and pays her bills (she’s not on Medicaid) and does her taxes. I’m just trying to figure out how we can be co-agents from separate places and still carry out her wishes. Grandma is 99, very deaf and lives in assisted living facility in yet another state from us. When my dad got sick and went into hospital he stopped paying her bills-he stopped paying his own-I did that. He died in nursing home after 3 months and now I’m dealing with his estate. It’s a lot to take on! But, my grandmother’s stuff needs to be attended to ASAP.
Since he is primary - have him pay monthly bills, taxes...
Since you are closer - have debit and/or credit card to take care of weekly needs: groceries, toiletries, co-pays for doctor... You might want to also have online access to all banking info so you can check for hackers
He reports the monthly expenses to you - so you can check electronic banking to make sure right amounts got paid
You report weekly expenses to him - so he can keep bank accurate accounts of how much are in accounts
As she had no appointments, and to my advantage, we got to chatting FREE for a couple of hours about the ethics of senior care taking - - she advised me, in no uncertain terms, to never become a co-agent, and here is the reason, plain and simple;
Although there is everything in favor of having a secondary and tertiary agent named, the purpose of assigning a primary POA is so that one person has the right to make any final decisions - - it doesn't mean that they can't consult with someone else, and take those opinions into consideration.
The purpose of having one person to make a final determination is to avoid having to go to court for the court to make any final decisions. But if there are co-agents who disagree with each other, that's exactly what happens - - the very thing that was to be avoided !!!
I really don't think this co-agent thing would work. As you say ur in 2 different states for one. I also don't think Uncle will be easy to work with. You also have your Dads estate to deal with. As I remember, you are fairly young. I personally would not take this responsibility on. You have good excuses why things won't work. Tell the lawyer you will Fedx the paperwork to ur Uncle. That you have no idea how Dad kept his records so Uncle is just going to need to figure that out for himself.
This was probably said in one of your posts. Dad did not shut your Uncle out. As POA his responsibility was to your grandmom. He was her representative and as such cannot give out her financial info.
I am so sorry your Dad passed. I think at this point you need to concentrate on you, Dads estate, and let yourself grieve. Not to deal with a prickly Uncle. If grandmom wants a co-agent, then assign the lawyer.
I honestly think it will be impossible for us to work jointly (the updated NY form says we must agree on everything together) as having to sign every check jointly is going to make taking care of her cumbersome.
maybe if we both agree to hire a third party to handle her finances, that could work. Or, I will just let him do it himself. I’d be willing to be alternate POA as my uncle is not a young man but I think co agents isn’t going to work.
My concern is if we go forward as co agents the banks may not accept it (ive read this can happen). I may try to reach out to grandma’s attorney about this. Talking to grandma is very difficult to stay on topic because of how deaf she is. Phone calls are nearly impossible and she lives 5 hrs away from me.
I would have found it not only impractical to work on this jointly, but frustrating as all get out! Just trying to get a Yes or No about attending a special function or meal for a holiday, etc would take multiple tries, and even then sometimes there was no answer. In addition, his ability to organize leaves a lot to be desired. Did I file everything nicely? No, but I DID keep everything and had somewhat of a filing "system", where I could get what I needed - might take a little while, but I'd find it! In his case, I had a check mailed to him from the CU. Denied ever seeing it or getting it. Had them stop that check and issue another. Suddenly we find it... Arrrgh!
We were also both named executor, no primary, secondary or "co" wording. The only reason I needed to use that was the MC deposit and interest, stimulus from December and soon to get what they shorted on the first stimulus, plus a small amount that was used to open the SS Rep Payee account. When I e-filed, I did NOT check the box that he would decline, but the court sent notice that I would have to submit that form. Ugh. Fortunately I was able to call him and he did take care of it right away. One more thing he and OB didn't have to lift a finger to help with!!!
While you do have to deal with your dad's estate business, there will be lull moments, I would think - based on what I've dealt with so far. I'm on hold waiting for the tax filing and refund before submitting the accounting paperwork. Submitting it incomplete and having to "update" it isn't a simple task! Once those are submitted, it will be waiting mode again.
In discussions with him, does he have any reservations about doing the job? Does he have questions? Is he organized enough to tackle the payments on time and keep good records? Does he have any way to copy the paperwork so that he can send it to you if circumstances required you taking over?
I should think her monthly bills would be fairly minimal, since she lives in AL. When I took over for my mother, she was in her own condo, so lots of bills to juggle. When she moved to MC, it increased juggling as it took almost 2 years to wrap up dealing with the condo and selling it. Before the move I was able to close out a local account she had opened, to make only one account to manage, but SS requires you to become Rep Payee, so back to 2 accounts! The SS account funds were used in full every month towards the MC cost, to make life simpler for me (but every year SS questioned it!) There was also a trust fund to manage and siphon money for MC each month - required being able to guess any extra charges she might incur and variations in utils before the condo sold.
IF he's not comfortable with managing all this alone, you will have to work out something. Taxes shouldn't be too bad, if good records are kept. Most of AL is not deductible, so only concerns are medical treatment and care provided by AL. He or you can buy a pack of folders to keep statements, bills, payments and rcpts, labeled by month and year. A box or tote can be used to store each year's folders.
IF he feels okay handling it all, perhaps you can just be available to him if he has questions. I had mom's taxes and the trust taxes done by an Enrolled Agent. Very knowledgeable, you just need all the paperwork saved handy!
I have found a gmail account and accompanying Google drive useful in a similar situation. Using "Grandma's" email will keep everything in one place rather that mixing her messages with his or yours. I wouldn't keep account numbers or un-passworded tax forms with personal information on the drive, but a spreadsheet with the transactions and balances would be useful. If your uncle isn't up to using Google drive, can he take pictures of receipts, etc. with a cell phone and text them to you? Then you could upload your copies to the drive. Likewise, he could send you a photo of the checkbook register or statement (hopefully with the account number blocked out).
Or, if you each will be getting your own login information for her accounts, then you should be able to set up and view automatic payments or use bill pay to mail checks.
All the email go to that email addy, the calendar shows the bookings, a Sheets keeps track of the income and expenses. I use a Google Doc to keep notes. My brother has full access to everything.
In our case my brother is poa, (everything), but is not interested in managing the cabin. My sil used to do it, but she does not have time.
You aren't required to take on the duties as POA at all. Just because she appointed you to that position doesn't mean it's required. I'm assuming she didn't make you POA for medical decisions and your uncle POA for financial, so if it's co-everything, then I see no reason why you can't ask your uncle to take on the lion's share of the work for his mother unless you (or Grandma, perhaps?) think he isn't competent to handle the job.
I think you, Unk, and Grandma need to have a conversation. You could ask her privately (if she's competent) why she put both of you in charge and see what she says. She may have made that decision because she doesn't think her other son is completely trustworthy or smart enough to handle it. Maybe she didn't want to hurt his feelings by passing over him a second time after his brother died, but I think you should know why she did it.
The bottom line, though, is you are not obligated to take on this task if it's too much. If Unk is competent to do the work and is amenable to the arrangement, then you can take the backseat and just have him keep you updated on what's going on periodically. Grandma doesn't need to know how the two of you split up the tasks as long as they're getting done.