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My dad is in end stages of Alz with Dementia. His nursing home closed down, so we found him a new one. First few weeks all was well. Now they are saying we need to pick him up now because he has hurt people. When we question facts change. We are certain they are not being truthful. They are threatening to send him to the ER and not letting him come back. They tried to send him to a psych ward, but they refused saying he has no behavior issues aside from dementia. He is fine and not combative when we are there (let me say, he does not know who we are). His home said one of our family members has to stay with him 24/7 and care for him or else they will send him to the ER. What can I do? Who can I call to stop this right now? We don't have the ability to care for him. I think this is because of his Medicare

Even if they are lying, you really don't want him staying someplace where the nursing staff don't want him around. I would look for another nursing home that deals with dementia.
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Reply to olddude
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It may be difficult to find a place that will accept him. As soon as any other facility contacts the one he currently is in and if they mention that they are having him leave due to violence the other facility will probably not accept him.
Is dad on Hospice? If so the Hospice Team may be able to find other placement for him. OR he may be admitted to the In patient Unit for "Symptom management". From there they may be able to adjust meds to appease the facility.
I do agree with Olddude..do you really want him someplace where the staff does not want him for whatever reason.

When you say this might be due to his Medicare do you mean Medicare or Medicaid? BIG difference.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Also, is he under Hospice Care? Facilities are more likely to keep someone if Hospice is involved.

Before my mother graduated from Hospice, they were really good about getting her anxiety/violence under control.
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Reply to cxmoody
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Let them send Dad to the ER. Let the ER admit, and evaluate even if this is done in psyc ward. Let them refuse to take him back. And most of all, most crucially, let them refuse to take him back and when they do turn him over to the Social Workers.
Let this be their problem.
Let the state take on guardianship if they must and do not take on any guardianship if you are not already the POA.
You cannot manage this.
You will NEVER find him placement with the current history.
So next time they call you tell them exactly this:

"You do what you feel you must do for my Dad's well being; if he is sent to ER by ambulance and EMS, then let me know".

Keep this off your place. Social workers are paid to do placement. This isn't your job and it is beyond your skills.
I am so very sorry. This is the way now of aging in our country. We live too long. I say that at 82, and am ready to go before these losses rob me of everything. Again. I am so very sorry.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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BioMom41 Dec 7, 2024
If she is already the POA, how does one proceed? Will Social Workers still be inclined to place?
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You Need a memory care unit
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Reply to KNance72
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Why is your dad in a "nursing home" and not a memory care facility?
Doesn't that make more sense to you, as they are used to dealing with all kinds of different issues that those with broken brains and will better be able to handle him?
I would find him a nice memory care facility and then bring hospice on board if he is in end stages dementia, as hospice will keep him comfortable and pain free and they will also be extra sets of eyes on him for you.
Best wishes in finding the right place for your dad.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Korky777 Dec 6, 2024
I know you mean well, but it's not always that easy. Some people - myself included - live in areas where an SNF is the only option. In my situation, the nearest memory care facility is over 2 hours away, and the waiting list is extremely long. Even the nearest SNF is a 60-minute round trip. In small towns or rural areas, you often don't have a choice.
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That is a very unique situations and it seems that experienced LCSW members know how to navigate the system. Thanks for sharing since my family had a similar concept.
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Reply to Cklaney2013
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Speak to his doctor
they obviously can’t cope with someone attacking people but I’m sure he’s not the first and there must be other options
sounds like his doctor needs to provide medication
/get him
he checked out
Maybe the aggressive behaviour is a by product of some health issue he has
maybe he’s in pain somewhere
Between the doctor and care people they should be able to provide a solution for you - use them
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Reply to Jenny10
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I would put in a video camera and say you want video evidence of this since their facts of this story seems to change.
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Reply to Sharon25
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KDay73: He requires memory care placement.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Try to set up a conference call between the facility staff and his specialist (neurologist or whoever treats his dementia). The facility can explain the problem behavior and discuss possible medication to calm him. I know you don't want to believe the staff but people can get unexpectedly agitated and harm other patients/residents who are frail, so facility staff needs to take this seriously when it occurs.
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Reply to MG8522
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TouchMatters Dec 7, 2024
Really helpful. Thank you. Interesting in how we all have our own take on these questions/concerns.

It takes a village. Aging.Care is that Village with a capital V. Gena
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they will have to find him a new placement.
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Reply to catherinepb
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Ask for the documentation that shows times when her was aggressive or hurt others. He may be having sundown syndrome or get anxious/agitated when his routine is disrupted. Now would be a good time to review the contract with his facility about care he is to receive. If he requires more care than they can offer, he will need a new placement. If they are not willing to help, a trip to the ER may need to happen so that case management/social services can help your find a new (better!) placement for him.
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Reply to Taarna
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TouchMatters Dec 7, 2024
Very good advice / support. Thank you. Gena
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Read these two websites:

(1)
This one appears to be an ad for services, although perhaps helpful anyway:
- If you are a resident or family member of a resident who has been “discharged” to a hospital and informed your nursing home will not readmit you, the Center for Elder Law & Justice is available to help.

Please call our office at (716) 853-3087 to learn more about your rights as a resident in a nursing home and for potential legal representation.

https://www.elderjusticeny.org/blog/resident-rights-when-a-nursing-home-transfers-a-resident-to-the-hospital-and-refuses-to-readmit

(2)
https://canhr.org/residents-rights/
It is long - worth the time to read it.

In part, it says:

Residents of nursing homes have rights under both federal and state law. Nursing homes are required to inform residents of these rights and protect and promote their rights. If a resident is incapable of exercising his or her rights, the person designated by law, such as conservator or attorney-in-fact, or in most cases, the next of kin, or representative payee, may exercise these rights.
For a more detailed listing of residents’ rights, see CANHR’s Fact Sheet, Outline of Nursing Home Residents’ Rights.

Then ...

* Speak to administrator of nursing home (not 'just' managers)
* Ask to see their written reports (re his behavior).
* Contact the nursing home licensing board (should be easy to find / google, or ask them. The nursing home will have licensing info posted in prominent places).
* Need to consider their liability if a resident may / could harm another resident. This is considered very serious.
* As you indicated ... Nursing homes do not offer 24/7 minute-by-minute observation / care of an individual. If needed (if he stays there or elsewhere), you may need to pay for a caregiver to be with him several hours a day).
* If this nursing home sends him to ER (which I believe they have legal right(s) to do, this particular nursing home may or may not be legally allowed to refuse his return. You need to investigate / find out their legal rights / the rights of a nursing home - to do with behavior of residents/patients.

* I doubt it is because of his Medicare -
- do you have paperwork to substantiate this / your claim here?
- Many other residents/patients at nursing home have medicare, too.

Finally, if you feel it necessary, contact an attorney. I sense that your concern / issue is not unusual - and sense it is a liability issue for the nursing home. Talk with the administrator ... and have someone w/you (a witness to your conversation with the administrator).

Gena / Touch Matters
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Reply to TouchMatters
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Not all skilled nursing facilities are set up for memory care issues where combativeness and elopement by a resident are an issue. This may be one of them. Talk to the Social Worker there and see what other kinds of placement they can coordinate for you. Where my husband was had minimal security and no residents who were hurting others/staff, but there were residents who were transferred to a higher security facility and also given meds for combativeness and disruptive behaviors. I doubt whether Medicare has anything to do with this unless he was there initially for some sort of rehab. Medicare does not pay for long term care. If he was there for some sort of rehab and that time period ran out, then discharge or LTC placement is what would happen if they cannot accommodate him.
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