Any experience moving someone out of assisted living?

How can this be the best decision if mom doesn't want to do it?

If she only has a problem running tech devices, why does she need help with showering, walking her dog, etc?

You need to be honest with yourself about what her condition really is.

What she wants and what she can pay for should get the most consideration, not you or your husbands desires.

Maybe she likes having other seniors to hang out with, have you considered how that need will be fulfilled if you force her back to your house?

Just guessing that you could set up a day of home-care interviews and ask Mom to give her input on which one(s) she likes. Then a trial period of 1 month to get a confirmation. Sounds like she and her fur baby could enjoy your setup.

Perhaps "Visiting Angels" can refer someone who will bathe her daily and cook the food she likes.

Could she FaceTime a friend or two in the Assisted Living center?

You believe she will be disappointed, in that she must move back home and doesn't want to?
If so, this is not something I would do. Complaints are normal. It's basically what they DO in ALF from my own and my bro's experience, including institutional food and etc.
Were Mom to wish to come home, and monetarily this is how her funds can last, and YOU and your husband want this, then I am for it. But if one of those three deciding factors is missing I wouldn't do it.
Nothing is ideal. Not your home. And not the ALF.
Only you know all the facts. Only you three together can decide on this. You might decide to "give this a try" and let the facility know if it doesn't work out for any of you then Mom will be back. But again, only you can make the decision. I can only wish you good luck, and hope you'll update us as you go.

Moving back in with you isn't the answer; moving her into another Assisted Living residence is, in my opinion.

~Costs are a known quantity BEFOREHAND, and something your mother should be paying for.

~Walking a dog in AL by the staff is something that generally costs more; get that in writing before the lease is signed. "Periodic" walking of the dog is way too vague & suggestive of double talk.

~Twice weekly showers is the norm; that should also be in the lease and not something that's open for debate.

~If your mother is having THAT many issues with her phone & TV remote, it is suggestive of dementia. At 89, has she been tested with a cognitive exam by her doctor? Know what you're dealing with at all times in terms of mom's health, both mental & physical. It's not the ALs fault that mom can't work her phone & remote.

~Everyone 'hates the food' in AL, it's the law. If the elders have nothing to complain about, they have nothing to TALK about together at all. I know from where I speak; my folks were in AL for 7 years. They'll have good meals and bad meals, but always always dwell on the bad ones. Meanwhile, very few elders lose weight while living in AL. You do the math on that one.

~Stump the pavement & find a facility that has good reviews online; preferably one that's NOT corporate owned (if possible). Speak to the residents about how THEY like living there, and how long they have. Indicative of quality of life.

~AL provides autonomy for the elder and the possibility of a longer life. I have NO doubt my mother lived to 95 precisely b/c of the quality of care she received in AL and then in Memory Care AL.

~Find an Al that adheres to the policy that the social director comes to the resident's apartment to get them to come and join in on the activities every day; that was the policy at mom's AL. They discouraged hiding out alone in one's room.

~Don't force mom to move in with you b/c YOU think it's the better idea; allow mom to make her own decision. Get her a very simple remote for the TV and a very simple phone, too. If dementia is at play, find out so you'll know; with dementia comes the inability to work any and all mechanical devices at a certain point. In the meantime, write down instructions on a large index card for mom to refer to, which is what we did for mom with her DVD player; that worked well for a number of years before her dementia got bad. Same thing with retrieving voice mails and how to use the remote control. Having her push the button/pull the cord for HELP at the AL is another option when she has trouble with her devices.

~You being there 3-5 days a week defeats the purpose of her being in AL to begin with. She has to learn to adjust w/o your continuous help, and you have to accept that things won't be perfect no matter WHERE she resides outside of your home (which won't be perfect either).

~Let the new AL know that you expect the services that are included with the rent to BE PROVIDED to your mom. My mom's AL had a schedule on the back of her door showing her shower dates and times, and laundry day as well. That's the least you should expect, along with care conferences on a regular basis.

Wishing you the best of luck getting mom set up in a new place as she would like to have happen.

The reasons that precipitated the move to al will still be there. And potentially augmented.

If any of these include double incontinence, falling, wandering, tantruming, if she has a big d diagnosis, I’d strongly consider a facility transfer rather than bringing in all these problems.