She will remind him he doesn't have his car anymore. He needs come home with her, she can take care of him and says other things then gets him upset. The BP becomes elevated and this show's the impact and increases confusion and aggitation. We are thinking that we will limit time and have visits to a public community area. The married relationship makes this challenging legally but he doesn't ask about her then he sees her and she tells him.
She is narcissistic and has dementia herself. It's a terrible situation.
The person with medical POA could talk to administration at your Dad's memory care facility about this issue. It might be wisest for her to only be able to visit in the community room while there is a staff member or other family member present. That would most likely mean a regularly scheduled visit. Staff of family can redirect her topics of conversation when she veers into stress-inducing topics. If she refuses to be redirected, staff should cut her visit short.
Is she coming and staying all day? Is she in the same ALF where she has easy access to him in the MC? I know it’s distressing to you. If I thought he wanted to see her I would not stop him but she sure wouldn’t be someone I would choose as his sitter. Is she keeping him from activities, meals or naps? I might try to find a sitter who could intervene appropriately when the conversation turned toxic. One of them will have a change in status-so it won’t stay the same. When she gets ready for MC will you keep him there?
We are not allowing a phone for his room but she can call but with supervision in a public space so if this gets upsetting it can be cut short.
We have notify her as the wife and other members of the court when there is any move with a 30 day notice. Urgent moves are handled differently like this one. with Covid and Heart attack
We have him in a private room and medical documentation for the special facility to meet his combined needs. If she wants and they want to pay with her money, she can go but if she produces disruption the facility can ask her to leave but this is not the first time for such a situation.
We can also go back legally as his medical advocate.
It is hard to see him go between not remembering anything about being married to I need to be with her and she needs me but no name. Just no poke the tiger and let him have his time remaining to be with his family too.
The location has helped so much to keep eyes on everything. 1 1/2 hours and staying with relatives over the last year to take care of the situation as much as we could now going to 7 miles away has been a lifesaver. I just hate the year we lost.
She sounds ghastly, but that isn't the issue. Was there ever any exploration of possibly keeping them together in a facility? - you say she too has dementia. Would it be worth broaching the idea with her kids?
Not their first rodeo!
The problem, she has Dementia too and may never understand what she does stresses him.
AND you don't like her and never have?
I wouldn't limit her visits, she is his wife, like it or not. How do you know this is occurring? Does dementia dad tell you? Dad's dementia could be telling him the sky is falling and that is his reality. Your profile says you are POA, as such, you cannot, legally limit visits. Or are you guardian as you say in this post?
I would try to have supervised visits, maybe you could try to be there. If they are disturbing, IF...... I would not have them in a common area it could upset others.
It is possible that the visits may have to stop completely. But you have other things that you can try first. My mom and her husband had to have their visits limited to only a short time before lunch and for the meal because of my mom's behaviors.
If she has kids, get in touch with them, explain the issue, and ask for help in remedying their mom's visits and behavior. Tell them (don't ask) that for Dad's well being, you're going to be limiting the visits and why.
I assume you have POA for Dad, so you should have the say as to how their visits happen.