So my 85 year old grandfather can no longer walk - he spends all day either in bed, or is moved to a chair.
His caregivers (his 85 year old wife and 60 year old daughter) are becoming increasingly desperate and stressed dealing with him. He takes water tablets and also has a prostate issue so is FREQUENTLY needing to urinate - he feels the urge to go at least once an hour.
They used to make him wear adult diapers/nappies/pads and would clean him up after but due to how frequently he needs to go, they stopped this.
His current routine is as follows:
1. He shouts that he needs to 'go'
2. He pulls down his diaper/nappy
3. His wife (my grandfather) fetches a bottle, he places 'himself' inside the bottle and urinates
That's what's meant to happen.
However, as he is always sitting when he does this (he cannot stand up to urinate), most of the time his urine ends up spraying upwards, as he has difficulty "aiming". This means he nearly always ends up urinating over himself and on the chair under him and again needs cleaning up.
They have tried different bottles with different shaped openings, no luck.
How can they fix this?
How can he urinate whilst sitting down without causing a mess/spilling/spraying urine? Is there a particular device or a bottle with a better design he could use.
Please do not suggest catheters or similar as this is not feasible for them.
Thanks
Who is “ we” are paying ? Are you spending your own money for Dad’s care ? I hope not , you need your own money . Adult children , if possible should not use their own money .
If your Dad is in the US. Depending on Dad’s financial situation and care needs, he may be eligible for Medicaid to pay for his care in a facility . Have you looked into Medicaid , rather than you going broke ?
Does Dad have a house to sell to pay for his care ?
And suggesting placement in a facility in cases where the caregiver is worn out can be helpful . Many caregivers ( especially elderly spouses ) die before the person they are caring for . Then the care recipient ends up in a facility anyway , and without their deceased ( caregiver ) spouse to be their advocate .
I believe the elderly bedbound man in this thread may not be in the US . I do not know what his financial situation for care is in another country.
It's all really just hit or miss.
Two unpaid family caregivers orbiting around his all-day, everyday potty routine is senseless, unproductive and unsustainable. This will burn them out.
Why is he on a diuretic? If it's not prescribed by a doctor I would take him off of it. You should talk to his urologist about his prostate issue and sense of urgency, there may be medications to deal with this.
Instead of disposable garments, use real cotton terry hand towels.
The soiled item can be rinsed out, or not, and placed in a covered receptacle. Since it seems there will be several dozen per day, several times a day they can be laundered.
Place the washer, dryer nearby, perhaps near a bathroom, or in a closet.. Although the washers are meant to be portable, they can be installed much like a dishwasher.
You can always have a supply of fresh, clean cloths, comfortable for the gentleman and doable for the caregiver.
Ask if the diuretic can be reduced to perhaps every other day.
Well, it’s a possibility anyway
If he knows when he needs to go, and is pulling down the diaper, and waiting for someone to fetch him a container to urinate into,
Instead of getting a container and attempting to hold it in place for him, can the two women transfer him to a commode chair? The commode chair can be placed right up next to the bed or chair he is in, so it's just a matter of standing him up, and pivoting a quarter turn to sit on the commode.
Depending on his size and their strength, if this is achievable, they may find it easier than the current situation.
Or find a way to keep him from pulling the diaper down. Maybe just covering with elastic waist pants will make it harder for him to access. And, yes, someone is going to need to change the diaper frequently. These two women need an aide to come in and help! Or place him in a nursing home, before it kills them!
I thought of this too but didn’t post it because somewhere OP said he doesn’t listen to direction , wants to hold the bottle ( urinal ? ) himself his way .
@ OP , a female urinal is worth a try because he rips off diapers anyway .
My dad has urinary frequency and prostate issues too. For my dad, I currently use incontinence briefs, with tabs, not the pull-ups.
Then I also use 2 men's guards pads. They are positioned in such a way inside the incontinence brief, that they are, at the top, side by side. Then, as they go downward in the brief, sort of diagonal, so that the guard pads overlap eachother a little towards the bottom. They are easily changed out as often as necessary. Just take them out, clean him up, place new ones in. If the brief gets wet, then I change it too.
I originally started out with pull ups and he would use a urinal. He would pull down the front of his pull-up and place the urinal. Eventually, this didn't work, as he declined and things got messy. It became too much trouble. Eventually I figured out the routine we have now. The change and process was a challenge. It's not always perfect. At first I would just say, and remind him, "ok, it's ok to go, that's what the undergarments are for now, we don't have to use the urinal anymore, you don't have to use your hands, you can just go, etc....
It's so hard. He adjusted though. Yes, he forgets. But for the most part, just ongoing reminders. Accepting he can't do this, or things, anymore is difficult. It's a learning curve. Sometimes I just have to remind myself just as often that, ok, he can't do this anymore, I need to accept it, what's the best work-a-round, how can I adjust things to make it feasible, better, for both of us.
Hope this helps. Hope you are able to find a way that works out better for you. Hang in there. Maybe you can also get some help to come in too.
Penis goes into urinal whether sitting, laying or standing. All hospitals use them.
No spraying, hitting walls or himself or caregiver.
Depends are incredibly helpful for my husband. The OTC stipend covers most of the cost. Feces is still a challenge. Just like babies they need to be changed frequently to prevent UTI.
talk to the doctor but maybe we don’t need those water pills???????
https://www.purewickathome.com/all-products
https://www.biorelief.com/product/retracted-penis-pouch/
Meant for retracted penis, but if that isn’t your granddad’s actual problem, phone the company and see if this product could work for your granddad. You haven’t told us explicitly what his nether-problem is. Does he have retracted penis? Micro penis? Penis enfolded in layers of fat? Maybe this product can help. I hope so.
The directions shown on website link are very clear. I hope this works out for your family. We are all sending good thoughts your way.
Does your Grandfather need to have the water tablets? Usually, that is frowned upon for older adults. Could the water tablets be reduced???
Urinating every hour seems like too much. My suggestion is to look at this from a medical standpoint, first.
When you take a water tablet, urination comes on quickly.
Best wishes.
Or, wrap women's period pads around penis and he urinates in those so once he is finished, change the pads.
Care givers killing themselves taking care of elderly male who clearly has no idea what this is doing to wife and daughter. Should not be. Do not allow this male to be in control! Please! Dementia? Put him in adult diapers, not those pullups !!!!
Again, I was able to wrap around a men's penis using those women's period pads then draping a disposable plastic pad under that, across tops of thighs to catch drips.
I guess for a male who didn’t pee as often , but peed larger amounts , maybe holding a baby diaper there . Just a thought .🤔
I doubt this would work though because grandpa pulls off his diaper and yells for the bottle. I suspect he would pull off colostomy type bag as well . He probably won’t understand while the bag has adhesive and sticks on his skin.
But thought I would mention it for someone else who has a relative who may understand and could use this .
He no longer gets to call the "shots" (sorry for the pun).
Disposable briefs + anti-strip jumpsuit (silverts.com)
He will get adjust to going into the brief. He's heading in that direction no matter what, even in a facility. No one is going to attend to him every hour on the hour. And you shouldn't, either.
My mother used to say “ We leave this world the same way we start out , Bald , no teeth and in diapers “ .
Either that or place him in managed care where he'll be fitted with a disposable brief. Nobody is going to come running every hour to help grandpa urinate in a bottle where he sprays urine everywhere, it's unrealistic and unfair to caregivers everywhere.
Part of old age and infirmity is recognizing and accepting our limitations w/o insisting others sacrifice their lives to accommodate our wishes.
These do not involve inserting a tube into the urethra.
Frankly this is what the incontinence briefs are there for.
Yes they have to change him when he is wet.
There are inserts or absorbent pads that are made to absorb extra fluid so that could be used in conjunction with the incontinence brief.
This is a situation where they either need a caregiver that can come in daily and help or he should be placed in Skilled Nursing. (reason I mention Skilled Nursing rather than Assisted Living is I do not think AL will take a bed bound person as they can not use equipment to transfer him. )