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Need - I had 2 female medium hair orange part Maine Coon kitties from the farm -Pumpkin and Rocky. Pumpkin disappeared over a year ago and now I just have Rocky. She is a sweet thing and part of my starting anew. I hadn't planned on getting another pet at my age, but R really encouraged me and I couldn't resist when I saw the kitties on the farm. She is little trouble. and a lovely companion.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2022
It’s awful when a beloved pet disappears. I’m sorry that Pumpkin went missing.

I bet Rocky missed Pumpkin too. Did they form a bond with each other?
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I can totally understand how your move has set you on a path of reflecting, and I can relate to so much of what you said. My mom turns 90 in two days. Caring for her, and dealing with her dementia the past 4 years has been so hard. I know she had some mental health issues too. For me, it's a lot harder to forget when the issue was never resolved.
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golden23 Dec 2022
Thank you for understanding. I appreciate it.
Oh, gosh. "the issue was never resolved" The story of my life! When mental illness is present many things never get resolved in the normal ways. I developed a one-sided resolution (me, myself and I and sometimes a therapist) which made me more comfortable. I don't think I have actually forgotten many of the facts of what has happened in my life, but the sting has gone from most of what my mother did. I don't dwell on it and I can recall the (few by comparison) good things.
Caregiving for a LO who has mental health issues as well as dementia is extremely challenging. There is no question about that. As I have mentioned, for my emotional survival I distanced myself both physically and emotionally from my mother and sister. I could not have possibly done hands on caregiving and I let mother know that from when she first brought up her possible future needs.
Yes, it is harder to forget or get over the emotions when there is no resolution, and harder to forgive I think. ((((((Hugs))))) to you for looking after your mother. Please be sure to take time for yourself as much as you can and to include good things in your life.
The other day I was recalling the "bad summer" I went through with mother and sister - it was way worse than usual - and I also recalled that I had fun that summer. Not that that period of time was fun, certainly not, it was a nightmare, but during the nightmare I had some enjoyable activities which lifted me up and gave me some good experiences and memories and kept me sane. I went to parties, I hiked with a girlfriend, a young man took me to a show in London, I boated on the river Cam with another girlfriend, I studied a course I was having trouble with and passed! It is possible to have some good times during the very difficult times and I think we owe it to ourselves to give ourselves as many good times as we can. It helps us to survive.
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I am going to have a life after caregiving. I owe it to myself and my husband and son. Our lives were almost stolen from us.
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golden23 Dec 2022
I am glad to hear that and totally agree that you owe it to yourself, your hub and your son. It sure feels like something valuable has been taken from us. It's a really hard road. Be good to you.
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