I am exhausted and haven't had a day to myself for nearly four years. She says she wants to die and becomes abusive when not drinking and more abusive when drunk she is charm itself to her G.P. she is also on nine medications which she cannot sort herself and cannot switch on her TV her only amusement, and will not go out at all. I am exhausted and angry with her most of the time nobody helps me I can t
go away on holiday although she insists this is not true, she is not capable of being left alone and refuses to accept another person stopping in if I do go away
She refuses to have someone stopping by. Ok. So you leave her medications ready sorted - either in a pill box, or whatever system suits you - and you ask a friendly neighbour to knock on the door once or twice a day and make sure they're gone. You leave ready meals in the fridge. Make whatever preparations you think are a) essential and b) likely to be worth making - it isn't, for example, worth trying to make absolutely everything foolproof when the problem is not that the person is a fool but that she is either too sloshed to bother or too bolshie to comply. So just cover the main points.
Then assuming you've done that, what can still go wrong? Fire? Flood? Falls?
I'm going to leave it there because I don't know what your chief worries are. But the key thing is that there will be a way round this - a way to change it. Please post again.
Example, I had a therapist say to me that since my parents [mid-90's] choose to live in their single family home, then THEY have to take the responsibilities that come with that decision. I have my own age related decline, thus last year I stopped getting my parents 30 bags of mulch, I just couldn't do it any more, I had to say no.... Dad fussed and fussed, always bringing up that he needed mulch, threatening to drive to the store himself, yada, yada, yada. I held my ground. This year he bought bags of mulch from the Boy Scouts and with a certain donation the Scouts came and put down the mulch for Dad.