Help! I've been at this 7 years by myself and I'm losing it! Who else is at their wits end?

I too am the only caregiver to my boyfriends mother for the last 2 years but on a full time basis the last two months with zero help from any of her children or family! 7years god bless you i have been living with her for two months full time and have already lost it! I don't know what to do to make sure she gets the long term care she needs as her children are all in denial and are taking full advantage of me!

We all have such mixed emotions, don't we ? Love them and hate the disease. It's very hard! I try to remember that this is not the same women who raised me. Some days, I do see a glimmer of her and it makes me sad. Because I have to repeat myself over and over and over I feel like I have dementia and it's scary. Isn't it ? So glad the weather is finally breaking and I can have a chance to go outside. This was the longest winter of my life. When I am out of her sight she is always asking where I am.... Sometimes it drives me a little crazy. I pray a lot. And I won't give up on her. I am so thankful I found this site tonight because I was at my wits end and like many of you I feel guilty about that.

I've been taking care of mom for 5 years by myself, no help from my siblings, and it does seem to get harder as the years go by. I understand everything you are feeling and good luck.

Mimi1958, we sound like twins!.....I am totally at wit's end. This is like Mom's body, but Mom isn't in there! I've been at this for 3 1/2 yrs and I am about beat. My friend who took care of her Dad with dementia always reminds me, "what doesn't kill us, will make us stronger". I repeat myself umpteen times a day. One because Mom can't hear well, doesn't pay any attention when you talk to her, can't remember past the time you get it out of your mouth. I too feel like I have dementia and that is scary!!.........As you say, thank heavens for warmer weather. I'll bet the people at the grocery store think, what is going on with that crazy woman, since I am in there every day just to get out!! Sometimes, I just get in my car and drive, if Mom is able to be left alone for awhile. I too pray lots and am always asking for prayer. Mom's health has improved, but the dementia part gets worse daily. I don't think I could get more "down in the dumps" if I tried. My husband works away, which is good for him with Mom in the shape she's in. I only have my cats to comfort me. I absolutely don't know what I would have done without them through all of this. My daughter is too busy to give me a break or listen to me vent. My B/P was out of sight, but with 2 pills, it finally got under control, I have to take a Prozac daily 40 mg, I take Nexium for my stomach because I have a super size stress ulcer tha actually makes me sick to my stomach when I get stressed.......I was a perfectly healthy person 3 1/2 yrs ago, but not so much anymore. Plus, with so much on my mind, my memory reminds me of Mom's. This disease doesn't run in our family. Mom, fell and hit her head and the 2 brain surgeries she had left her with the dementia thing..........I can't do anything without her questioning me. If I look off as I go through the room, she wants to know what I am looking for. I cannot touch anything that is laying around or pick up because she thinks I am leaving or wants to know what I have lost!.........So basically I do nothing until I can get her to bed and then I am usually too tired. I am worn out from doing nothing and being aggrevated!! I can't get her to bed of an evening, it was 6 p.m. but the doctor tried some sleep medicine on her and it backfired and now it is anywhere from 10 o'clock til midnight and back up before I can get a cup of coffee down of a morning.........I am an only child with NO help. My husband used to be really good at letting me get out for a break, until he got transferred at work. He gets home one or maybe 2 days a week and she sets and stares and glares at us and won't let us have any privacy whatsoever. I feel like I am in jail and that I do not know my Mom. It is so sad. I feel like I am losing all my social skills. I can't even carry on a decent conversation when I do get out without messing it up or saying something dumb. .........I pray for all of the caregivers on this site. Heaven knows that is the only thing that's gonna help us. Right now we are fighting the changing of her Depends. She will get up and go to the bathroom, but then she also sets in her chair and pees herself. She will go from knowing what to do when she goes to the bathroom to having NO idea why she even went or how to change her Depends or what to do with it, just a complete blank!...........Is anyone experiencing anything similar and would like to talk about it. I would love to have someone to compare notes with and maybe some suggestions as to how I could make it better or what I could or should be doing. Thanks for listening and any suggestions would really be appreciated. Prayers to all!

my mother has lived with me for twenty years, I've definitely list the plot !

Whoops, lost

As you may notice this was a post from long ago, I just hit the 10yr. mark! How are you doing?

chloesgrams, OMG - that which does not kill you would be OK, but this could kill you! One thing about dementia is that we often feel we must cater to any and all demands, however unreasonable, but the person with dementia is not reasonable because they have lost the ability to reason. And usually, the ability to empathize.
They cannot call the shots or run the show. You cannot go on trying to do impossible things or "obey" them as you might have done when they had their capacity and functioned as your parent. It is a huge emotional adjustment, but you have to take those reins and at the same time ***lower your expectations*** for what Mom is capable of doing and understanding. Dementia sucks but it is not your fault and it is a matter of doing for the person what they can no longer do, AND getting help with that from others. Get the doc to fix the sleep med situation by trying something else or changing the timing (drugs working backwards are not that uncommon) and look at any options for respite, home health aide, or even facility care. Just doing all the care yourself is hard enough, but feeling frustrated and stressing constantly because you can't make your loved one act the way they used to - well, you can't because you can't - because they can't. Mom just reacts in the moment to all her own anxieties which are huge and overwhelming to her severely reduced mental capacity. This is an incredibly common story you are telling here.

6 years alone..burnt out. .24.7. Drama of all sorts. I thought about a babysitter to come in twice a week for 4 hours..but coming home will cause me more drama..I also thought about adult day care..but if it's full of old folks walkers etc. He won't stay. Has entirely too much pride talks about himself all the time..so I go through the motions same every day..watching the clock..