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Fustrated, we run into this a lot. You are female and you are the caregiver, so your FIL doesn't mind show you the respect that he shows others. In your shoes I would talk to hubby about it and let him handle it with his father. Having to deal with disrespect 12 hours a day is too much for anyone.
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You profile says you are caring for your grandfather who has dementia. Is this person you describe above the same person or a different person?

Is the person you are having trouble with ill? Does he have medical and/or mental problems? There are many things that could be causing his behavior. Raising your voice would be my last option. In fact, I'd rule that out completely.
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