My in-laws live in our guest house. MIL is 80 and FIL is 79. My FIL has a hearing aid which he refuses to wear. Our house is open to them at all times and he comes in at least 5 or 6 times a day. He can not hear but continues to talk every time he comes over. Usually turns into yelling so he can hear then, if my husband or I tell him to please put his hearing aids in he gets angry. He can not hear or understand, it's so upsetting. I feel like the house is always in turmoil. I've tried to talk to him kindly and ask nicely but he tells me he will do what he wants. He is so stubborn and honestly I'm at my witts end. My husband just doesn't talk to him most the time because it's so upsetting. Any advice or tips? Thank you
It is your husband's responsibility to deal with his parents, not yours. Time for him to have a heart to heart with them, not you. Your husband cannot dump all of this on you, unless you let him. You just allow your husband to tune out?
Set your boundaries and stick to them, the ball is in your court.
She got hearing aids at Costco but I have to put them in for her. Part of her resistance is some mild cognitive decline (early on it presents as stubbornness).
maybe this is your FIL’s issue, maybe he has neuropathy in his fingertips like my Mom or doesn’t have the dexterity to put them it.
You could consider putting a large sign on the door to your home that he enters by, that says, "Dear ___, please have your hearing aids in before you come in. We appreciate it!"
Otherwise one of you will need to walkt him back to his place and put them in for him if his wife can't/won't. My Mom lives next door to me and I am resigned to having to do this because nothing else incentivized her to do it herself, so I assume it is due to her cognitive decline.
Talk in your normal voice. If he won’t put his hearing aids in, that is the consequence to his actions.
There is no balance
He may have cognitive issues along with the hearing problem, in which case even if he hears you, he may not be understanding what you say. If the connection between brain and ears is faulty, as in neuron pathway, it may take a longer time for his brain to comprehend your words. You need to let his doctor know what's going on.
In the meantime, stop the open door policy.
"I can't do that, it would hurt their feelings. We've always done it this way."
What's more important, their feelings or your sanity? And just because you've always done it this way doesn't mean that you need to continue a pattern that can only lead to more misery for you.
Yesterday isn't today. Today isn't tomorrow. If I were you and husband, I'd be discussing plans to find them a place where they can have a social life that doesn't include impinging on your private space.
"Oh, but we can't do that!"
Can't you?
Let him know without his hearing aids you can't communicate with him as the yelling is hurting your ears. You will need to talk honestly and set the rules.
Only way out, is less contact. Avoid the person who constantly frustrates you.