My parents, Dad 97 and Mom 92, are currently living with my husband and me. We are retired. Assisted living was not a good match for my parents. We decided to have my parents move in with us. It was working out ok in the beginning but I have developed resentment forwards Dad. Especially, when is sarcastic and behaves in his holier than thou attitude. He battered my Mom, had at least 3 serious extra marital affairs, of which I at age 10 witnessed him doing her and he introduced me to another. We had bill collectors come to the house and Mom had to go to work when I was 9. My sister and I were “latch key kids”. He didn’t work for about 10 yrs., our house was foreclosed on, and he went to prison for fraud for a year. Between all of this chaos were some good times too. Mom divorced him and took him back. I thought I had forgotten/forgiven him as we have had an ok relationship since 1980 or so. Now that they are both living with me, when my Mom gets angry with him, she brings up the past. She is making me relive my childhood, and I feel a lot of hate and resent him. I also have a rage, where if he is his sarcastic self, I will remind him of his past and how ungrateful he is to mom, and where I feel I can finally say what I could not as a child. It’s not good. I have tried making him a stranger, but when he knows he is pushing my buttons, I lose it. Out of the goodness of my husband and me. Why do I feel like I am being punished by having to relive my childhood into retirement years? I did not realize or even thought this would happen. The whole reason we had them come to live with us, was to make them happy, eat good food, be comfortable and with family. Moving Dad away, is not doable. How do I stay centered and focused on the present?
It appears that you are unable to stay centered and focused on the present, or you wouldn't need to ask this question. I don't know what kind of answers you are expecting to receive from this forum. You can't make anyone happy and these two seem determined not to be. Either get some counseling or change the living situation are the only solutions I can think of.