My parents, Dad 97 and Mom 92, are currently living with my husband and me. We are retired. Assisted living was not a good match for my parents. We decided to have my parents move in with us. It was working out ok in the beginning but I have developed resentment forwards Dad. Especially, when is sarcastic and behaves in his holier than thou attitude. He battered my Mom, had at least 3 serious extra marital affairs, of which I at age 10 witnessed him doing her and he introduced me to another. We had bill collectors come to the house and Mom had to go to work when I was 9. My sister and I were “latch key kids”. He didn’t work for about 10 yrs., our house was foreclosed on, and he went to prison for fraud for a year. Between all of this chaos were some good times too. Mom divorced him and took him back. I thought I had forgotten/forgiven him as we have had an ok relationship since 1980 or so. Now that they are both living with me, when my Mom gets angry with him, she brings up the past. She is making me relive my childhood, and I feel a lot of hate and resent him. I also have a rage, where if he is his sarcastic self, I will remind him of his past and how ungrateful he is to mom, and where I feel I can finally say what I could not as a child. It’s not good. I have tried making him a stranger, but when he knows he is pushing my buttons, I lose it. Out of the goodness of my husband and me. Why do I feel like I am being punished by having to relive my childhood into retirement years? I did not realize or even thought this would happen. The whole reason we had them come to live with us, was to make them happy, eat good food, be comfortable and with family. Moving Dad away, is not doable. How do I stay centered and focused on the present?
Dad was being abused by his wife (my siblings said it was payback)and social services from the VA stepped in. I became his caretaker he only lasted two weeks because when I got him he was in such poor health, my siblings kept telling me to put him in a home for Veterans with dementia but I couldn’t and like I said he only lasted two weeks four days with me and the rest hospitalized till he passed away. My siblings never forgave him but the day he passed away, they all were saying that they regretted not letting the past go and spending his last days with him they even often say “ Im sorry I didn’t help you take care of him” One day I put him on the phone with my mom and they talked for a good while and the best part was when he asked my mom to forgive him for all that he put her through. Since they passed away five months apart I made the funeral in their home town buried them side by side. Since then I’ve lost four siblings and I buried them all together. Im old now recently lost my husband too.
I hope you find some peace in your heart, try to enjoy your well deserved retirement and if possible get someone to help watch them and get away just you and your husband. I think it would help if your dad apologized to your mother. ❤️
You've done an excellent job taking care of them just don’t let your father get away with nonsense and tell him who’s house he’s living in.
Take care, sorry this wasn’t a answer for you and it probably didn’t help at all but truly from the bottom of my heart I hope things get better ❤️