My Momma prefers me to be in the same room with her always now regardless of what I need to do. Since last Sunday when she had a problem breathing, she is now wanting me to be in the same room with her. Her best friend comes sometimes and once she sees her I can then do up the dishes or laundry or make meals etc. But when her best friend doesn't come, then Momma insists I stay with her.
Other than going to the bathroom or going to lay down in her bed, she is mostly in the family room watching t.v. all day. She refuses to sit in the kitchen when I go wash dishes or make meals. She refuses to lay or sit in her bedroom while I do laundry.
Has anyone ever encountered this behavior before or heard of this behavior before? Is being clingy only found in the early stages of Dementia or is this behavior found in all stages of Dementia?
She also started asking when he was coming home 15 minutes after he went anywhere (e.g., the market, a dental appt, etc). Whatever I said, she'd act like that was SOOOOO long - so I'd go through the whole scenario with her: how long it takes to drive there, how long the process/activity would reasonably take, the drive home. That seemed to work pretty well. Then when/if she asked again, I'd say that we just went through that, and he;'d be back by X:00 am or pm. And she'd say, oh, right. (Because she didn't want to admit that she couldn't remember.)
When my husband came home, she'd say how much she missed him - which would annoy him greatly. It got to the point that he really became angry because he felt like he couldn't go into the basement, our yard or another floor of the house for any period of time. I had forgotten this aspect (of clingyness) - must have started to block it out, until this question arrived. Now I realize that it was one of the main issues that resulted in his/our deciding that she had to move into a memory care facility. It was like feeling a net tightening around one's life, making it smaller and smaller. Zoloft was a help, but not the answer.
She is MUCH better at her "cottage" of just 20 people with dementia, where there are organized activities and she is forced to live by a schedule. We see that she is much less demanding there, and has made a number of new friends (even if she can't recall their names!).
To sum it up: Yes, the clingyness will likely get worse. Yes, they are afraid. No you can't expect to live like this for very long and keep your sanity. Get some good drugs (for the one you're caring for, if not yourself too!) and start to make a transition plan. Everything changes all the time. You can take action to guide a more positive change as you go through this part of your life.
One helpful thing I did was leave a note on the coffee maker, telling her where I was, and what time I was expected back. Of course, that's when she could tell time.
If I leave to run an errand and she's already awake, her behavior has changed. She looks hurt and disappointed when I go out - asking why, telling me to be careful. That look sometimes leaves me feeling guilty, but not for long. It is tiring, but so important to have a life.
Two months ago I returned to therapy for myself, trying to sort out what I needed to get my life back, and help prioritizing it all. It helps to have my aunts money to hire companions so I can get out! Good luck everyone.
SHOWTIMING - gosh I hate that so when he went to leave I asked some questions - like why do they showtime.? because they know a doctor can put them straight into a hospital or care with just one phone call
She's refusing to eat meals but will eat cakes biscuits sweets and sandwiches...what do I do? His reply? Give her eat cakes biscuits sweets and sandwiches ...she's not diabetic I was surprised. Like he said if she wants savoury she will eat it but if we switch her to drink permanently she will lose the capacity to eat...made sense.
Mum was almost glowing ....then he said I am going to prescribe some water tablets ....now she is positively vile again!!!!! so no mood swing there then!!!!!!!!
Reaching 101!
I felt so sad for a wonderful lady who was so pleased to find on her 100th birthday, that her entire family from far and wide arrived for a party that her aides and a neighbor put together for her. She suddenly felt important and valued, and this gave her some reassurance.
The next year however, no one called or wrote or came - we celebrate round numbers a whole lot more than any other number, and this poor woman felt she was put back into her place - that of being unimportant and invisible to family.
Maybe we should consider how to make smaller but beautiful parties, and invite different sections of the broader family, for events on other years or twice a year. Some other time to dress up the room and add flowers and candles and visitors!
You make an excellent point. My family members were very attentive for my 80th birthday, but less so as I approach 85 this spring.
Seems to me you also could use some in home help - but maybe you could ask at a school or society for the blind? I did live in help for a woman who went blind at 79 - I understood her fears, and used my efforts to help her with consistent paths through her home. Always helped her move from kitchen bench to the counter just across the small room, and from the counter, she could walk herself along the wall to the opening to the hall, reach across it to the next wall, and walk along that to the opening for the bathroom.
Working on teaching her the same paths every time (I find teaching routines reassuring to me too), but it helped her feel some measure of confidence that she had missed before. It takes much longer than people expect - too many helpers offer one-time solutions, or help physically, but guide people to stable furniture or paths - so that my main effort is to get them onto their path, and once they find some cues, they can do the rest themselves. It is no real help to have someone do something for you once, if you feel lost the next time. Of course there is memory loss, so that will happen, but building simple repetitive routines, helps someone develop better dependable success, even in small things. The blind woman got upset if a new aide changed the arrangement of her bathroom toiletries, thinking she was "tidying up" - for then she had no idea where to look with her hands, just to find the toothbrush and paste. Another woman with dementia got afraid before getting out of her recliner in her study, and yelled at everyone each night, but when pressed, she explained that she did not remember where her room was, or what was around the corner. I could only empathize with the fear, and also make sure she got up every night, and used her walker to get around the corner - for once she was there, she remembered the next parts, and got to the bathroom and ready for bed.
I just found this thread, and I have been in the forum several months, looking and searching for a logical explanation of what is going on with my mom.
I am able to understand what she's going through.
Man, if she gets any clingier, she'll be sleeping in my bed, between hubby and I.
OMG
OMG
《《《《《《《《HUGS TO ALL》》》》》》》》》
M88
By now you know why your mom is clingy. Most of us would be clingy if our worlds were completely turned up side down and then spun around a few times. Your understanding why she does this won't stop her behavior but it will help you cope.
We're wishing you well as always,
Carol
We actually just moved and chose a house perfect for her. She is in the living room which is connected directly to the kitchen so that when I'm in the kitchen she can see me. The bathroom is also connected which includes the laundry room. My bedroom is right off the kitchen and doesn't have a door so that she can hear me being nearby. This house was chosen so that she could basically be near me anytime I am home.
She used to do this to my mom when she was alive but luckily was able to transfer this clinginess to me since she was no longer with us.
I think it's normal. The doctor assures me that it's best to make sure to try to be available to her to keep her on schedule. I try to be around when naps and sleep are needed. I try to make sure in the afternoons I'm around since those are the worst times for her as well as the nights.
I do take breaks and have others around her during the mornings. She seems to recognize people even not knowing their names or who they are so having the same helper everyday helps. She doesn't want them exactly but will sometimes tolerate me being missing for an hour or two if they are in the room distracting her.