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I had major surgery two weeks ago. We told my grown, local daughter that we will not be hosting. I doubt I will be even going over to her house. I’m just not up to it.

You may not have just had surgery, but you’re not up to it either. It’s just a day. Your Dad will be fine with a nice plate of WHATEVER you offer. Even if he gets crabby about it.

Save your sanity, and take care of yourself. 🦃 Maybe play the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving video, sing a hymn of Thankfulness, for making it this far. Anything but stress out about one meal. 🍁

Best wishes!
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CTTN55 Nov 2021
"We told my grown, local daughter that we will not be hosting. I doubt I will be even going over to her house. I’m just not up to it."

I hope your daughter brings plates of food for you and your H!
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Not only skip Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Easter, etc.
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WhisperingPine71702 Nov 2021
YES!!! Me, too! I want to skip it all! I dread all the holidays! I used to look forward to them. Not any more. Just sends my anxiety through the roof!
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You say, Dad, we're not having a Thanksgiving dinner at my house this year for the following reasons, ABCD. We're happy to bring you a lovely plate of food, however, for you to enjoy. We'll also be happy to spend some time with you on that day so you're not alone for the entire day.

The end.

If he throws a fit, you can just drop the plate of food off at the door and vamoose. You get to make the rules for your OWN holidays from now on, regardless of how angry it makes your father. He'll get over it, I promise.

Best of luck.
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WhisperingPine71702 Nov 2021
Thanks so much for this!
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My husband and I are having a similar situation. The details are different but the bottom line is we are both physically & emotionally depleted. The mere thought of creating a Thanksgiving "event" (even for three people) is overwhelming for us. So we decided to be honest, simple and direct. Basically, I said, " I need to tell you something I seriously need your help with. I need you to listen carefully and to try to understand. Charlie and I are physically and emotionally exhausted. The pandemic, our jobs and life in general have really taken their toll on us. We desperately need some 'down time' because we feel on the verge of falling apart. We need to be alone as a couple and to give each other the private time we need. So, we are going to use the Thanksgiving Day (or Thanksgiving weekend) to completely rest with each other, quietly. We aren't going to have a regular Thanksgiving dinner with family or guests this year. We really need your understanding and cooperation about this and we hope you can understand that we wouldn't be making this decision unless we were feeling really exhausted and at our limit." There's no room for debate this way. You're saying what you're doing and why you're doing it. There are no options being presented. Good luck and I hope you use this time for your own "self care".
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WhisperingPine71702 Nov 2021
Thanks for understanding...that's a great idea.
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You've all got to eat anyway so why don't you make reservations for the three of you instead?
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WhisperingPine71702 Nov 2021
That would be nice...if I even wanted to be around my dad at this point. But, I don't even want to be around him right now. He's not easy to get along with lately. Nothing but stress for me. And we are in a small town where there are no restaurants open on Thanksgiving.
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