I took mom for a routine physical last week and the Dr said she has umbilical hernia - her belly button is big. I don't know how long mom has had this hernia because she has lived with me for two years. Before that, she was in our home country, India, in a senior community and never went for routine checkups.
I got her here in 2019 after "dragging" mom to a very quick checkup in India (blood work, BP only), skipped all Drs last year.
Mom is not in any pain or discomfort and says she doesn't want any surgery and to leave her alone. The Dr says we have time to think this over and as long as the hernia is not infected or collapses, mom should be ok.
Mom has moderate dementia and I worry about the anesthesia affecting her badly even if it's a small surgery. I also have to now switch insurance plans to get a lower deductible.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.
I had a hernia, I saw 4 different surgeons over a 5-6 year time frame and the difference in recommendations kept me from getting it dealt with. It finally started bothering me and I saw another surgeon and she did a small incision and stitched the tear, others wanted to put mesh over my entire abdomen and that meant a week in the hospital and multiple incisions, big surgery, especially when one stitch handled the problem. So, I am very leery of surgery being the 1st recommendation and think that second and third opinions are always a must and keep an eye on it, wait and see is perfectly viable for some situations.
I would ask if it strangulates would it be a bigger surgery and what are the statistics that it would ever be a real issue for someone that isn't doing heavy labor. Because it could be a non issue or it could get worse with the wait and she will only be less able and more at risk as time goes by.
Any doctor that gets offended because you want to have a second opinion should always be your ex doctor, because they think they are infallible and that never works out well for their patients.
Best of luck getting this sorted out.
Edit: I just read your response to grandma.
Mom is ready for adult incontinence products if she isn't making it to the bathroom every time. Use the pull up type and they will help make your life easier, they are just her new panties that help you.
At 85 and not remembering, yeah she is at risk of decline that pushes her over the edge. I think that I would get a second opinion and ask what to keep an eye on and let it be.
Are you able to get an aide to come in and help shower her? That would help you and her.
It sounds like she is pretty far into the dementia journey and you have to take care of you first. Please try getting some help with her so that you can get out and have a break and time to care for you.
Mom hates aides and will sit in her room & refuse to come out. I had neighbors sit with mom while I worked and she wouldn't talk to them till I was almost home.
Mom is 85 yrs old , vaguely understands surgery but forgets it immediately. She has not showered in a month and will changer her sari (Indian dress) only if I beg/get angry at her because she stinks. She just sits all day and will walk around the house and is not in any danger of making the hernia worse. She goes BM regularly and I am not worried about her straining her bowels.
However, Im worried about her declining - already Im cleaning her poop and pee when she doesn't get to the bathroom on time. She's not ready for diapers yet. I dread taking care of her after surgery even if it's a minor procedure. My hate will be aggravated by the fact that my brother is away from all this in another country and does nothing to help me.
Obviously she is doing well enough that you are not helping her with many ADL's or you would have noticed a hernia when bathing or toileting her.
You are right to be concerned about anesthesia effecting her cognitively.
I would get another opinion as to how critical this might be.
While I would opt not to have the surgery done on my loved one I would have to find out the What would happen if scenarios.
On the other hand if she is to have the surgery the sooner the better, she is in better health now than she will be in 6 or 12 months. (I am talking cognitively)
Know that she will most likely decline a bit following surgery.
If she is not doing anything that will make the hernia worse it may not get worse, but even straining with a bowel movement could put stress on the abdominal area.
Rereading my response it sounds like I am sitting very much on the fence ready to go either way.