My father is 80 years old and his wife of 15 years has dementia and she has 5 adult children from her first marriage. My dad lived in NY state with his wife and it was getting to hard for him to manage his home. I told him that he and his wife could come live with me and my husband. We moved them here to Mass and her kids were not happy with that but they came to live with us anyway. My dad over the 4th of July was hospitalized and was not doing well and I called her kids to tell them that they needed to have a plan if something would happen to him. At this time his wife also needed to have eye surgery so her kids decided to take her back to NY. She was in NY for 18 days and in that time her son got POA and cleaned out her checking account, that has her name and my dads name on it. He then opened an account with his mother and on the day that she returned to my dad he cleaned it out. I called the bank and they said because he was POA and also on the account it was legal and nothing could be dome about it. That was July now its September my dads wife was not feeling well on Thursday afternoon and by later on she was weak and he had to help her to the bathroom, she was in the bathroom and my husband yelled to me and my dad that he heard her fall. We rushed to the bathroom and she was on the floor, she did not hurt herself but we thought she needed to go to the hospital, so we call for an ambulance. It was late and it was not life threating so I told dad not to call her kids until morning, when he did he got called by one of her sons all kids of names. On Sunday she was going to be released from the hospital and her oldest daughter called on Saturday evening and told us that she wanted all of her mother clothing ready to be picked up because SHE was going to take her mother back to NY State. On Sunday my dad and my husband went to the hospital so my father could see his wife before her daughter showed up, then they came home I went back with my father so he would have someone there to protect him from his wife's daughter. They said that they were taking her to a rehabilitation Center/ nursing home and then they were going to take her home with them when they found a larger apartment. I told them that I would meet them and they could follow me back to my home to get her things, and then I was told they were not going to pick them up. My father received a cell phone call from another daughter and was told that she would let him know where her mother was as soon as she knew. No calls came in and he started to get angry and so we started making calls to nursing homes in NY State on Monday night and we got nowhere. Then on Tuesday night I got a call from a nursing home in NY State telling me that my dad's wife was there and that I was on the list from the hospital as a contact person. The daughter who is the one who took her mother from Mass also works at the nursing home as a nurse and has told the staff that my father has to call her to let her know when he will be visiting.
So what rights does my father have now that they took her from him and they have POA and Healthcare Proxy and now that they have taken over responsibility for her Is he responsible for all of her medical expenses? She only make 439.00 a month on Social Security because did not put into SS. He is very upset and doesn't know what to do? She could very well go on State assistants which would cover all of her healthcare, but my dad has his own insurance But seeing that they took her and don't seem to care about what my dad wants is he still responsible for any of the co-pays that she will occur while they have her in the nursing home and even when she is released and living with them?
I have been dealing with elder & nursing home medicaid attorneys for 3-4 years now & just like divorce attorneys they are not allowed to and/or will not speak to any rules in other states. Since you could only hire a lawyer in your state & the woman is in another state now & in a facility in another state you will probably be wasting your time & money at a lawyer's office. And said lawyer would be happy to help you waste your time & money since that is how they pay their mortgage at home. My suggestion would not be to a lawyer since you are dealing with separate states. It would be a better idea to find a local agency like Department of Aging & Disabled, the local Department of Health & Human Services (if they run nursing home medicaid) or even a local day senior recreation center. Please also type into Google nursing home ombudsman along with your city & state and see which agency they are out of. Call that agency with your story & get any advice from people advocating for years with these issues. If your father can be taken out in a car & sitting in an office I would be inclined to bring him to your local social security office & wait to speak to someone there about the situation regarding his legally married wife & the fact that it deals with 2 different jurisdictions & do they have any suggestions on what lawyers might be of any use in 2 different states. I have never heard of a lawyer in this field that has the right to help with the other state. However if greedy they may promise to help & take the money. You will be worse off. I would defiinitely start with agencies as they are free. They also have more experience with dealing with these matters.
On another site, I just read something that made total sense. It was in regard to POA vs spousal rights and at the second a read it the light bulb came on. "If spousal rights trumped POA then it would not be necessary for one's spouse to BECOME your POA".
The other thing that needs to be remembered is that POA goes with the deceased person, meaning POA is over and done once the person who the POA is appointed for the benefit of dies, the POA is also dead. The intention of it is to act on the person's behalf. I guess if it could be proved that the person with the POA took money and didn't use it for the mother, there could be some recourse legally (ask lawyer). But the bottom line is that when it's gone it's gone. Needless to say if there are any other accounts open they should be immediately closed and reopened in just your dad's name and perhaps he needs someone to be POA too!
He/she will tell you what rights a spouse has and what rights a POA has.
This will answer your question, however, your biggest problem is the money.
$439.00 per month is not enough for your Dad's wife, and you can be sure that her family will come knocking on your door to get some more money from your Dad , one way or another. Be aware of this, and prepare. Again, a lawyer should be able to tell you and your Dad of his financial responsiblities and his own rights. Last question: Who is the beneficiary of his life insurance? Just curious.
In our particular case, their mother was of sound mind even though her reasoning could be 'off' (wanted to treat them both equally while at times telling us how the brother bullied her, etc), so what happened with the money was basically open to whoever got it to it first.
My husband and I recently set up our own trust. We have three kids each, and have been married 12 years. He is 62 and I am 58. We both are in total agreement that out of the six, my one son is the one and only we will appoint as our POA (after each other first, and only if we could not execute on that due to disability). He is also the sole executor for us and if he is unable to do it, it will not fall to any other of our kids. Thankfully, we are on the same page and are thinking about all of this ahead of time. We love all six of our kids and we are sure someone will get their 'panties in a bunch' over our decisions but they are OUR decisions and we are making them before crisis mode. We also are not discussing anything with anyone about what we plan to leave them, etc. All we are doing is letting the one who will be in charge if something happens to us know where our bank and safety deposit box is, how to find the information to access our accounts, etc if need be/when the time comes.
I hate to say this, but when I read a lot of this stuff, it makes me realize that maybe the only thing other readers can garner from it is what to do /not do for themselves as we, the next generation, go down this road.
Best of luck. Surely, get a lawyer. But it sounds to me as if things have been done that maybe cannot be undone.