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If your dad is competent to make decisions for himself, then he is competent to arrange his own care, isn't he?

Set a date when you will either move out or stop "helping".

Folks who are indendent can get on by themselves, yes?

Perhaps if you stop enabling his charade of independence, he will get the help he needs and not cost you your health, both physical and mental.
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Is your father resisting the home care that VA offers also, because he is independent?

Then I'd say, OK dad, you're independent. Therefore take care of all this by yourself, Dad. Reassess after a couple of days.

This isn't heartless. This is what is expected of people who won't accept the resources out there if they and the law see themselves as completely independent people.
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Help77 Dec 2021
My father is resisting the nursing home, because he's extremely stubborn and honestly I think he feels that I'm obligated to take care of him and should honor his wishes of absolutely NOT wanting to be in a nursing home, since he did that for his parents. Only physically and mentally I totally can NOT keep taking care of my father any more!!!!! My father's doctor and nurse that he has though the VA told me that they (my father's doctor and nurse) apparently talked to him (my father) that when a caregiver (me) has reached the end of their rope that it's time to make that move to a nursing home, but the problem is that my father doesn't feel that he's at that point yet, wants to wait until things get more critical and they (the doctor and nurse from the VA) also told me that my father will NOT even talk to the social worker to even discuss or start making plans to be placed in a nursing home, so their hands are tied. Only in my honest opinion even whenever it does get to that point, my father will still REFUSE to be put into a nursing home. Truthfully, I'm scared and afraid that something is going to happen to me WAY before that even happens. I'm already suffering physically and mentally, my back is constantly aching and even developed chest pains, plus almost every day I'm crying my eyes out. So, as I've stated that since my father can still make decisions for himself and think clearly, plus he's extremely stubborn and if you ask me selfish as well, what am I to do????????
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