My sister is the executrix and POA for Dad, who is 93 and Mom, who is 89. Both have several health problems and various stages of dementia. We were a large family of seven children, but we have lost three of us in the last decade. One of my brothers has been particularly troublesome to us with my Mom's finances, she's always paying his mortgage and giving him money and her household items whenever he asks, even though my mom has been worried about her finances. Their house is payed for and they are getting worse by the day and will not sell the house and go into Assisted living. Things have been hard on their caregivers, (my sister and I) and it's hard to see their assets siphoned off by my do-nothing brother. If we can get proof of what is happening, can his part of the will be adjusted for what he has already taken?
Thanks, Barb
This gifting to your brother will be a problem if Medicaid eligibility becomes necessary.
Hey, I have an idea...have your brother do the caregiving instead of you and your sister! And if/when they need it, have HIM move in with them or take them into HIS home.
You and your sister are on the way to total enslavement if the POA sister doesn't get this under control. (Is the POA sister the one who shares caregiving with you?)
Bshandy, this is a very common dilemma for adult children. I think you and siblings need to do some research and have an informed discussion about the reality of your parents assuming everyone will orbit around them providing care while your family crumples under the pressures of that non-stop undertaking. It doesn't make you bad or unloving people.
If I were in your situation and I am willing to be an (uncompensated?) and full-time (eventually) caregiver to my parents and their poor decisions now will definitely impact my ability (and therefore willingness) to carry out that caregiving in the least stressful way possible, it sort of IS my business what they are doing with their money today. Because eventually the train wreck will land on the doorstep of the family caregivers when your folks are broke, and need a lot care in their home.
If your parents are mentally competent, it might be beneficial to have a consult with an elder law attorney who has experience in estate planning/financial abuse. Maybe if your parents hear what dire consequences could befall them -- and their unnecessarily stressed out -- caregivers, they will act to protect their funds better. Maybe the PoA sister doesn't mention the mooching brother in the meeting, but a discussion about Medicaid qualification may be fruitful. They need to be informed that, even if their desire is to age-in-place with willing family caregivers, they may very likely need additional agency helpers, and that can be very expensive. Your sister and siblings need to really look at what caregiving for them in the near future could mean: is everyone willing to orbit around 2 people who will require more help than is possible by just family? It is emotionally, physically, mentally and, sometimes even financially, taxing. Many on this site can tell you their tales of their experiences. Please go into it as informed as possible, with your eyes wide open. I wish you all the best as you try to help them!
"Adjusted" By Whom?
By your father and your mother, individually, if their respective dementias are not too advanced, yes.
By anyone else, no.
Your sister, if she is exercising her POA and your parents are deemed to be mentally incompetent, is responsible for what happens to their money meanwhile. If your mother is not incompetent, she must at least keep track of where the money is going and she must be made aware that if she continues to give your brother money she may render herself ineligible for Medicaid and in serious trouble if she then can't afford to pay for healthcare.
So - who is addressing this issue with your brother? Anyone?
They can however stop providing free services that allow the elderly person to believe that they have it to give away. Make them hire the care required.