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Churchmouse, my mom lived next door to me. Siblings live far away and no one stepped up to help. I have always been the one that took care of my parents...through the surgeries and the cancers. I've had to deal with their financial mess as well. Someone had to help them and me being right here...I guess my sisters just expected it.

Medicare did not cover any type of care and my mother couldn't take care of herself after the fall. And does not have the money for any help. Medicaid finally came through within the past couple of weeks. Every time I try to talk to my mother about a nursing home she gets upset and starts crying. For years she drummed into me, "Don't ever put me in a nursing home!" Honestly, I never expected her to outlive my dad! And then to become immobile! The guilt of the nursing home thing...i can't get past it. I want to see how it goes now with a caregiver coming in for five hours a day...maybe I can get some sleep and handle all of this better.
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Thank you all for your responses. I'll answer your questions...

I see my doctor regularly. There is nothing physiologically wrong with me. All of my ailments are stress related. I need more sleep and less stress. I'm sure being awakened every time i am sleeping is not a good thing.

I have three sisters. One is a thousand miles away. She does not want my mom there and my mother won't go there. If I was going to force my mother to do something I would just put her in a nursing home. Another sister is seven hundred miles away and has physical disabilities. The third sister is a hundred miles away and drinks heavily during her off work hours...no exceptions...every single day. If one of my sisters could/would take her I would have her there in a heartbeat.

Freqflyer, I feel for you. I know how awful panic attacks are. And all the responsibilities associated with caring for people. I can't keep up with the housework and the laundry. And the car? That doesn't even make my priority list. I'm 56 and feel like I've aged ten years in the past ten months.

Rainmom, we have very similar situations. And my dad passed away two and a half years ago...we were very close. I've lived next door to my parents for more than twenty years. I saw him every day. My dad always had my back and was a buffer from my mother. We shared the same sense of humor and always found something to laugh about. I'm still grieving. I don't laugh with my mother. Where abouts in Oregon are you? We are on the coast.
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My boss just reminded me of something I totally forgot about.... have your Vit B12 levels checked. My boss was getting very sleepy during the day so now his doctor is giving him B12 shots. I remember having those shots years ago and they do work, only if your B12 levels are low. Now I take B12 in pill form. I need to get back to doing that and upping my doses.
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Sleep is your brain's way of healing, of resetting itself, to start a new day. If you are not sleeping, your brain is not getting the rest it needs to run your body. You will suffer. Your health will suffer. If your health declines, what is your son going to do?

Does your mother still have her own home? If so, I urge you to move her and her pets back into it and have the 168 hours of Medicaid help go there. If that's not an option, set boundaries with your mother starting now.

And remember that if she doesn't like living under your roof, you can help her find new accommodations.

Just curious, was her moving in with you supposed to be temporary?
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I think if she qualidied for Medicaid, then she would probably be eligible for a Nursing home. I would recommend researching the ones near your home that accept Medicaid and do a couple of tours, perhaps get her on a waiting list or 2. Something has got to give, or you will soon find yourself sick or injured caring for so many, but not enough for yourself!
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I'm not sleepy, just weary. All my life I've worked 4 days a week and now I'm working 5, occas. 6. I need to buy diapers, p/u medication and occasionally buy clothes for my mom in the memory care center. I help my husband with his business by picking up supplies and I do all the grocery shopping and part of the house work. I would just like to stop for one day. I dream of sitting on a beach watching the waves and having a brain vege, no one needing anything from me.
I certainly don't have your responsibilities, and God bless you for your care of your son. But adding another person (mom) to your workload is too taxing. Your son has first priority, your husband next. In this situation, there is no time for you!

I'm sure there are good facilities in your area for your mom. You are going to wear yourself out (really, it's called caregiver burnout) and then won't be able to care for either of them. Please do yourself, your son and your husband a favor and have your mom go to an appropriate facility. You are experiencing symptoms of depression (wanting to sleep all the time is a form of escape.) My ex-husband suffered with that, often sleeping 20 hours a day. You owe your immediate family the best wife and mom that you can be.
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ChrisInO, this is the bit that makes me frown and scratch my head, the bit between the {curly brackets} ...

"Ten months ago my mom { had to move in after she fell and pinched a nerve in her back. She has Parkinson's disease. She is almost 82 years old and is now bedridden since the fall. That's why she is here now. }And her pets moved in too..."

I am very sorry to learn that an 82 year old lady had a nasty fall, pinched a nerve in her back and is afflicted with Parkinson's Disease so that she is now effectively bedridden. Those things are serious misfortunes.

None of them, to me, explains why she landed on your plate. What made you feel that her having a problem means that you - your home, your work, your care - have to solve it?
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Monkeydoo - that doesn't make you a terrible daughter. The fact that you have put your life on hold for your mother proves that.
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I,too, want to sleep, unless one of my new grandbabies are visiting. I think its the physical and psychological toll of caregiving and the loss of joy/pleasure in daily life. I have thought about going to a hotel down the street for a day or two, but id feel too guilty or worried to actually enjoy it. Its a terrible feeling, but I feel like my life is on hold waiting on mom to die. That in itself makes me want to sleep to forget! I feel like a terrible daughter!
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When I am depressed I just want left alone,, and to stay in bed.
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yES
As rainmom said I'm tired to my bones - 8 1/2 years of in home care for my now 93 year old mom and now 7 mos at a memory care center - it is still exhausting and now added worry of running out of money while trying to keep her safe .
We have many miles to go before we sleep
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Correction to above. Should say that my sleep problem did NOT make me sleepy throughout the day, but I had other symptoms.
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That's a good point. You might need a sleep study. I had one and am now on c-pap treatment. Still, mine was enough to make me sleepy all day. My symptoms were that during the night, I awoke feeling very panicky, like I was dying. As it turns out, my oxygen levels were going too low from shallow breathing as I slept. The c-pap really helps with that and I feel much better. I'd check it out to find the true cause.
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Sunnygirl1 is right about having a medical exam. I used to have what I called "sleep attacks." I remember once getting all ready to go to a funeral, including having someone to stay with my husband, and I sat in a chair and said, "I can't go. I can't stay awake. It would not be safe to drive." And I went to bed. That incident finally convinced me that in addition to the stress of caregiving something might be wrong. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea, started wearing the night mask, and the sleep attacks stopped entirely.

The combination of getting in-home help and possibly treating medical sleep issues (if any) may make a huge difference. Hang in there! But be open to changing the situation if those factors are not enough.
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Wanting to sleep all the time could be from a number of causes, including depression and lack of sleep. Has your therapist mentioned that? It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Do you feel like you do? I might discuss it with your medical doctor. Feeling sleepy all the time is not good. Maybe, you need a physical exam. It would trouble me if I was always tired and wanted to sleep and I would have to make some changes.

It's great you have in-home care coming in to help. Maybe, that will make a difference. Still, based on your situation, I think I would consider if the demands on you are reasonable. Maybe, your body is telling you it's too much.
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You say your mother was not a good mom to "us." So where are your sibling(s) in all of this?

You take care of your son. Let a sibling take care of your mother.
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Panic attacks here, too. Been having those for 7 years and finally last month asked my primary doctor for something to calm me down. How I hate taking such pills but I had crashed and burned physically and emotionally. I don't know how grown children can take care of a parent in their home.... I was a mess just living down the street from mine, who were in their 90's and refused caregivers or cleaning crews.

Even while on this forum, I would find myself dozing off, fighting to keep my eyes opened. I was drained from the lack of sleep worrying about my parents in a house they refused to leave, and all those stairs, and both being a fall risk. Even dozed off during the 5pm news. Recently I dozed off watch a Trump Rally [I watch both candidates], now that is being really tired :P

What is tough is some of us are senior citizens ourselves. I just turned 70 and I look back to how I was prior to my parents stop driving, etc. and I cannot believe I am the same person. I am a mess,too... my house and vehicle are a mess... and let's not talk about my yard.
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Hey ChrisinOregon! I'm Rainmom - in Oregon! I also have a disabled adult son at home who needs constant supervision and care - he functions at roughly a two y/o level. I'm lucky to have a good man in my husband, for I no doubt would have lost my mind a long time ago if it weren't for him. Just one cat, two dogs but we are expecting a new puppy in a month (what was I thinking, right?). Anyhow - I've been looking after my mother for almost six years, the first 18 months included my dad, whom I adored but he passed four years ago. I have and have always had a difficult, complicated relationship with my mother. Mom is in a nursing home now but back in October when it came time to move her there she was doing all she could to get me to let her move in with me. It was never going to happen. Just a couple days ago I was thinking about how tired I am - just bone weary, worn out, tired! I fantasize about checking into a hotel for a couple of nights, pulling the heavy, dark drapes and just sleeping. Then, if I get hungry - I order room service - then I go back to sleep. Sounds like heaven, huh? But I don't think that's ever gonna happen either. Still, a girl can dream! Does your mom have to live with you? Please consider placing her in a facility. That might sound rough but no one knows how it is for you and your son better than me - and your baby boy has to have the best mom you can be!
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It is normal to feel that way in your circumstances.

And feeling grumpy all the time is VERY tiring, especially if you are not basically a grumpy person.

That amount of in-home care is great! It might make a huge difference in your workload. Wait and see. If you aren't back to finding joy in life after a few months, I would seriously consider finding a suitable care center that accepts Medicaid. Caring for a special needs child comes first, and can be a full-time job in itself.
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