My father is 99 years old. He has all his mental faculties. His health is pretty good for a man of his age. General lessoning mobility, hearing loss, macular degeneration and over all "slowing down". But he feels good most days and is mentally sharp and aware. Reads the paper every day, watches the nightly news, remembers birthdays of his 6 children, etc..... My wife and I moved in to his house, which he built and loves, 5 years ago so that he can "age in place"..... Overall it has been a fairly smooth transition for us to merge from being a "helping" hand and companion ( he was so lonely) to much more hands on care in terms of meals, companionship, cleaning his space, handling all medical appointments including being a part of his actual appointments and care. His hearing loss requires him to have an extra set of ears in appointments to make sure he is hearing the doctors info. correctly and therefore respond accordingly. There has been considerable adjustment, ups and downs, for my wife and I. We moved in assuming we would be here about 6 months to evaluate his needs and help him navigate his next steps for living safely in his late 90's. Once here, and after lots of discussion with dad, we all decided we would stay so he could age in place. It is now 5 and a half years later. We are all still in agreement that this situation is working. We all get along well, thank goodness! At 99 yrs. old my father decided that he wanted to change his will from dividing his assets ( his house is the only asset) 6 ways among his 6 children, to selling the house to me for below market value so that we would get a gift of equity but his other children would still get something. The amount we pay for the house would be divided among the 5 other kids. Keep in mind all of the 6 kids are fully functioning and fairly well off independent people with lives and families of their own. He also changed Durable POA to me, since we have been doing all the things under its definition for the last 5 years anyway as needed ( navigating leaky roof, plumbing issues, etc....things Dad needed help navigating...he has final say in any decision about this house...since it is his!)
This issue is that 2 of the 6 children are having a fit over these changes. One, I believe just has hurt feelings that he was not consulted by dad prior to changes being made. The other was previously the POA and was and remains the executor of the will. This brother has stormed into his fathers house and demanded that his now 100 year old father change the poa back to him. Dad says, no this is how he wants it. These 2 brothers now are talking about their dad not having all his faculties and that maybe he was coerced into making the changes. This is not true. He came to me months before that changes were made and started to convo. I was hesitant but he was insistent so I did what we always do for dad and we helped him do the thing he can't do on his own with limited vision and hearing issues. I found an elder care atty and got him an appointment for a consult and then he took it from there deciding to draw up a new will. The atty and a witness spent time with him alone, in person at the appt., to evaluate his state of mind. Given his age and hearing issues it takes a little extra patience and time to have a comprehensive conversation. They all came out half hour later smiling and chatting:) None of the siblings spend enough time with dad to really have a good sense of any of his abilities or lack there of. 4 Live a plane ride away and phone conversations are tough due to the hearing loss. They all do the best they can, but it is tough.
How have others navigated a situation like this? The thought of losing a good relationship with ANY of my siblings is upsetting. But I also have hurt feelings that they think I would in any way take advantage of my dad. I have a good job and do not NEED any of his assets. We just don't want him to be lonely or uncomfortable.
Or he'd get a live-in companion. That will cost also.
Your father needs to understand this as well. Your arrangement with him is more than fair.
My mother was bringing up some talk about dividing up her house into equal parts also.
I told her fine. She can pay me back the money I gave so she wouldn't lose her house. Then she can pay me for the years I have had to do for her. Then she can lose my number because our relationship will be over and she can go into a nursing home. She can't afford AL or live-in homecare.
This got her to see reason.
That Dad wants to leave everything to the family who has cared for him for five years and will see him out is a GREAT thing and I think he is wise to leave it to you. But again, I hope that this will is WELL WRITTEN and has clauses in it saying that he has purposely left nothing to his other children because he has been cared for by his current beneficiaries or whatever. This needs to be an iron clad will. Know that the siblings can and likely it sounds WILL contest any will. Your Dad was examined by an attorney; that is good. And everything is written by an attorney. I would let that attorney know about recent communications with the siblings and get his advice.
Greed is just unending, isn't it. I sure wish you the best of luck.
I commend your dad for making this offer to you and your family. You've given up a lot to be there for him, and clearly he thinks you deserve it. I agree with him. Those siblings who have no experience caring for him can stuff it. You reap what you sow.
It is best to consult with the attorney on how to protect Dad's Medicaid benefit and still receive the house.
This is an example of why I do not like the listing of responses with the last comment first. Now that I read the responses from the OP, it sounds like he has thought this through with the help of the attorney.
Siblings, sometimes!
I have a feeling there will be some hurt feelings, but it sounds like your family will shake out the kinks eventually.
Since Dad still has all his marbles, perhaps he can pen a letter to his children explaining his reasoning for the change. He's the one who can best express it, don't you think? You shouldn't be the one to defend yourself over a decision he made.
As for your siblings, once your dad sells you and your wife the house, your siblings can't really contest it because it's no longer part of the estate. Your dad will have given your siblings their "inheritance" already.
The same elder attorney who drew up your POA should draw up the papers for the house and for the distribution/gift to your siblings of the amount you and your wife pay your dad. The 2023 tax-free gift limit per sibling is $17,000.
Make sure his accountant and attorney review everything!
But that said, your father may. You have told us all that needs to be told.
It is clear now, and you are forewarned, that the siblings will contest this will in court and will claim that your father was unduly influenced. I would, were I you, get him a neuro assessment so that you have that, keep a careful diary. They will be seeing you in court; you need to be prepared and should see the Elder Law Attorney yourself. The gifting of the home is a problem for Dad were he to need to enter care with a "lookback" of five years.
Get all your legal ducks in a row. With this crew you will need them all lined up very well. Start a diary. Keep careful records of every penny in and every penny out and be certain you understand your fidiciary duties as POA inside and out. Sure wish you luck. You will need it.
You should have POA, your the one living with him. Has brother even needed to use his POA? If not what does it matter. If Dad is competent than the POA was not in effect. When Dad passes, POA stops and Executor takes over.
I doubt if Dad would ever need to be in a home. But selling you the house at below Market Value would cause problems if Dad ever needed Medicaid. But I don't see that happening in this case. Also, the capital gains laws have changed. Not sure how that works for Dad if he sells the house below Market Value. Make sure Dad has all receipts for any major things he has done to the home. Helps with capital gains.
If dad's only asset is his home, and he has sold it to you for below market value, he will incur a substantial Medicaid penalty period during which he will be unable to be care for in a LTC facility paid for by Medicaid.
What is your plan for when he needs 24/7 supervision?
A better idea would have been for you to be paid for caregiving out of dad's SS payments.
I question the competence of the attorney.