How do I get care for my Mom?
Get some sort of care for my mom. I do not have any sort of POA, do not live with her and pretty much only help with bills. And when I say help I mean, there are a couple non essentials that I cover and she takes care of the rest. She is however having me review things that confuse her more often. I know she's been diagnosed with depression and I'm not sure what else. She's non compliant with meds or following up with her counselor at the VA.. I cant get a doctor to talk to me.even though I've called a couple of times.
After her previous horrible behavior last summer, she managed to pull herself together. Last fall she went back to her volunteer work and has made it through another school year with only a couple of episodes that left people asking me if she was ok.
School is out next week and I believe she is starting to become distraught over being at loose ends. She called me this afternoon and sounded a bit panicky. If I can get her to a doctor how on earth can I get them to do any sort of cognitive testing without saying it out loud. At a regular doctor (most of the time) she presents like the most prim and proper lady with not a darn thing wrong, and I'm the crazy one. With her counselor, they cant really give me any info but I know what her diagnosis is and they think she's just being non compliant. I KNOW there's something more going on but being the paranoid queen that she is she only trusts me so far (cause I'm trying to control her,) I also the only person that she can really call for help and helping is difficult at best.
He is only 70 but he clearly has geriatric issues: memory loss, sleep issues, and executive functioning issues.
More than a year ago his memory failure finally prompted him to seek medical help. His doctor ruled out a brain tumor and told him that his memory loss was normal. (He was prescribed Adderall, which he took for two months but did not help him). This year due to my urging he sought aid for his sleep issues and was prescribed Ambien which helped some, but his doctor stopped prescribing it for him. When I asked him why, he really couldn't tell me.
My husband has trouble processing and understanding what he's being told, particularly if he already has in his mind what he expects or wants to hear. Thus I am never sure of the accuracy of what he tells me second-hand.
I am housebound. I cannot accompany him to doctor's appointments and I cannot be sure what conversations the two of them have had. If this is the beginning of Alzheimer's and the worsening of his symptoms could be delayed with medical intervention, I want him to receive it. But I cannot call his doctor and even if I were physically able, I could not make an appointment to speak about these concerns because of privacy issues.
One might argue that his problems, particularly with sleep, are not necessarily organic. He sleeps hard in the evenings in front of the TV until about 9 pm or so. Then around midnight he fixes himself a snack, always accompanied by a soda and can be up until 4-5 am.
I have tried rousing him in the evenings. He lifts his head for a moment then drops right back to sleep. He's gotten so adept at falling asleep that he does it in front of guests who are talking to him in the middle of the day. I've been told that he also nods-off while driving.
I have provided him with countless studies and articles about the effects of sweets and caffeine on sleep. He will not change his behavior. He isn't bothered at all by staying up on his computer until after 4 in the morning.
My opinion has never mattered very much to him, but he will try to follow a doctor's advice. I believe if I could get a detailed list of concerns and behaviors to his doctor, there might be some hope for alleviating some of his symptoms--like leaving the stove top or oven on, leaving the outside doors open, and misunderstanding what is being said to him--particularly regarding schedules. Last night we sat waiting for a friend of his who never came because my husband thought he was coming by. (His friend had told him he would call if he could make it over before the weekend).
Any advice on how to get professional medical intervention would be greatly appreciated.
I am so sorry your mother suspects your intentions for her. Thankfully, my husband doesn't mistrust me.
You can also write the doctor a note ahead of time and send it or fax it or give it to the nurse. I've done this with my mom before. Let the doctor know what your concerns are, based on examples of your mom's behavior that you share with the doctor. But if your mom won't go to the doctor or won't let them test her, there's not much you can do until she's willing to get the help she needs. Good luck, this is a tough one for you!