Hello! My elderly father is staying with me for awhile, I'm single-divorced, no kids. His wife passed away in March 2013. He's been with me for two months. He's got memory loss, and is willing to go to a doctor to see about it. He asks for help for many things, to the point that I'm struggling to help him. He doesn't have a good sense of his finances. His past two major purchases, I had to front the money. He told me recently that I "was in his business too much". This kind of prompts me to back -up from helping him, as he seems to be on the proud side. Also, he seems content with staying at my place. I don't think that would work well long-term, as I think it's be too much on me. Would I be okay in giving him a time-frame to 1) go back to a place he owns 2) go to assisted living?
Thanks!
The truth is there are people who believe that no one should ever use a facility instead of caring at home for a parent. It is a value judgement they make, and are to some degree justifiably proud of. They can say to us and to themselves that however badly things are or were going, at least they never put Mom or Dad "in a home." I say "they" because I used facility care for my mom and she did that for my dad and great-grandmother, though my grandmother got home care in her own home. That said, I had bought a house based on accessibility, thinking maybe they would move in with us, and would have liked at least the idea of that, if not all of the realities...and that is what some people find, that the reality is not only not idyllic, but unbearable or untenable for any number of reasons.
After all I have read and listened and commented to on here, I can only conclude there is no one size fits all. I have read tales of valor and compassion, and tales of selfishness and intolerance. I also conclude there are very few people - a few, but very few - who post on here without their prime motive being to get help, to get new ideas or information, to find out if what they have chosen is condemnable versus laudable, because they care very very much for their loved one who needs care and it matters very very much that they do the right thing. The fact that there may not be any one right thing does not change that.
Yes, we should be kind, and realistic, and encouraging, and gentle when we perceive a need to correct something. And we should become more aware of the points of view out there that differ from our own, and be as tolerant of them as seems reasonable.
So yeah. Be nice, lots of us are in the battle of our lives and feeling fragile, and may even be fragile. But also be a little thick-skinned in case others who are in the battle of their lives slip a little and arent as nice as would be ideal. I'll keep doing my best and noticing that darn near everybody here is doing their best too.